Toi holding a child to her breast—our child—her head covered in light blond hair, like her mom’s. Her perfect face a reflection of Toi’s. So beautiful…
“I already killed my brother. Do you think I am stupid?” Alvaro asks, trying to pull me back, but I don’t let him.
“Marcum!” Toi screams, falling to the ground and burying her head into her hands.
I see her standing in the kitchen, our child at her feet laughing with Tess as Desi and Harley play with Maddie. She’s so happy she’s glowing. Her long blond hair falling down her back. My ring shining on her hand. She looks over at me and mouths the words she knows I have to have from her. “I love you.”
I feel Alvaro kick me and I blink to look at Toi again. Just one more look…
“Marcum, don’t do this. God please, I can’t be without you,” she sobs, pain etched on her face, tears falling so hard there’s no way she can see me, except in a blur.
I’ve failed her.
Just like my old man, I’ve lived my life by a set of rules, all of them unwritten—but they’re inside of me as solid as concrete. The main one was to live without regrets. Failing Toi has regret barreling inside of me with the force of a freight train, and there’s so much regret inside of me, I’m fucking choking on it.
I never wanted to fail her. I feel something kick me again, but I block it out… I want more of Toi. My eyes close as I feel myself slipping away.
“I love you,” she whispers, touching my face. I lose myself in her eyes, as she moves her body, taking me in deeper, riding me into heaven. “I love you, Marcum,” she cries again. I love her like this, wild in passion—free. “Marcum!” It’s a broken cry that soothes the emptiness that was there before Toi became my life.
“Hush, Dragonfly. Hush for me, you’ll wake our babies,” I tell her, taking her mouth in a kiss.
“You stupid, stupid biker. Did you really think I wouldn’t know everything? I only let you give yourself up so I could kill you. But I’ll tell you a secret,” Alvaro says, yanking my head from behind to pull me closer so he can yell in my ear. The pain increases, reality beginning to invade, leaving me desperate to return to my dreams… “I’m going to kill you and then I’m going to take the woman back and then I’ll spend days upon days showing her what a real man is,” Alvaro promises.73Toi“He’s dying! Do something!” I yell, beating on Ghost’s hand.
I yell as I watch Alvaro pull Marcum’s head back. I pull, trying to break free, but Ghost doesn’t let me. Alvaro points his gun at the back of Marcum’s head.
“Now!” Ghost yells, and I hear a gun beside me go off. I scream as Ghost tackles me to the ground. I fall hard, Ghost’s body wrapped around me. I can’t see anything, Ghost has me completely hidden but I hear guns going off. I cry, sobs wracking my body as I think of Marcum dying.
He looked so lost the last time he looked at me. So lost and… hopeless. It wasn’t supposed to happen like this. We were going to have a life together. I was supposed to have his baby, we were going to raise Harley and Desi together, we’re supposed to have time.
I wail in misery, the sound torn from my very soul, sounding like an animal trapped in a cage.
I existed, just wanting to break free, before Marcum stormed into my life. He was all wrong for me—but he became everything right… everything good. I don’t want to live without him.
I claw at Ghost, needing to break free from him, needing to get to Marcum. Eventually Ghost lifts off of me. I don’t notice that all around me the gunfire has lessened. Nothing matters but Marcum who is lying on the ground—not moving.
Oh God… is he dead?
I take off running, needing him. I slide the last few feet to him, my fear so great that I can’t remain standing. Marcum’s still not moving. I don’t even think he’s breathing and there’s a pool of blood around him. I pull at him, dragging his head into my lap and turning his body so I can see him. He’s so pale, his face looking almost gray.
“Marcum, honey,” I whisper, my voice raw from a mixture of overuse and tears, but I have to reach him. “Marcum, I need you to open your eyes now.”
All around us are men working. Ride is tearing open Marcum’s blood soaked sleeve and trying to stem the bleeding. Alvaro is dead. I don’t know who did it, but I wish it could have been me. I hear Max yelling in the background. I hear Harley crying, and I hear the sound of sirens way off in the distance. Yet it all fades away. Nothing exists but me and Marcum and I need him to fight. I need him to…