“You’re a lot like me son, maybe too much. Someday that pride is going to get you in trouble.”
He doesn’t respond and after winking at Desi and getting her settled, I leave them alone. I have several stops to make before I can get back to Toi and I have a feeling that Toi needs me.
I sure as fuck know I need her right now. Christ. When did life become so fucking complicated?44Toi“Are you crying, Dragonfly?” Marcum asks, once he slides in bed beside me. Instantly the warm heat of his skin envelopes me, giving me what I’ve missed even if I didn’t put it into words.
“I’m trying not to,” I tell him quietly.
“They’re just kids, sweetheart. They’ll get used to the way things are and come around, eventually,” he says.
I frown. This conversation is a little surreal with Marcum, considering how quick the relationship he and I have has changed in such a short space of time. Does he truly believe the children will come around? Did they come around for Cherry when he was sleeping with her? How many times have the kids had to get “used” to a woman in their lives?
I don’t ask him any of this, however. Marcum is like a freight train and honestly I can’t handle that right now. He just barrels in and things have to be his way; he won’t accept anything less. Right now, I don’t want to ride that train. I don’t think I can. So I remain quiet—at least about that.
“What time is it?”
“It’s late, honey. Go to sleep,” he mumbles, and his beard tickles against the back of my neck. He tightens his hold on me and I know that’s my cue to rest. I feel so unsettled though. What am I doing with Marcum? What are we? Why is Cherry here? Why was Marcum gone for so long? All I have are questions and no answers. The worst part is, I’m not sure I have a right to ask the questions… Because I don’t know who I am to Marcum…
And maybe that’s the whole problem.
“Marcum?” I begin nervously.
“Go to sleep, honey.”
“Marcum, who… what am I to you?”
I know the exact moment he processes my question, because his body almost goes rigid behind me.
“Come again?” he responds.
“What am I to you…?” I ask uncertainly.
“What are you to me?” he parrots, pulling away from me. I roll to my back, so I can see him. He stays on the bed, but he’s sitting up now. The room is mostly dark; there’s a stream of light shining through the window from the moon, but that’s it. “Are we really doing this shit now, Toi?” he asks and I can’t help but flinch when I hear the anger in his voice.
“I… I just…”
“You what? You want to dissect shit at two in the morning?” he mutters, scratching his fingers through his beard. I watch the moonlight catch the silver of his skull ring and look at the ink covering his fingers.
I didn’t realize it was so late and I try to tamp down the jealousy that bubbles up that Marcum has been gone that long. Was he with Cherry? Did they work together on how best to deal with the kids? Because he didn’t ask me; he just told me they’d come around.
“Maybe you should leave.”
“Maybe I should...”
“Leave,” I finish, really wanting him gone, unable to deal with an angry Marcum when I have so many emotions rushing through my head right now.
“What in the fuck, Dragonfly? What in the hell is wrong with you?”
“Nothing.”
“You’re wanting me out of your bed. That sure as hell don’t sound like nothing.”
“I asked you a simple question. It’s not my fault you got… pissy.”
“Pissy!?!?” He roars the word. I wouldn’t be surprised if the walls didn’t shake. I sit back against the headboard, pulling my knees up to my chest, and the blanket up to my neck. I wouldn’t be surprised if his screaming didn’t cause people to come running into the room.
“Pissy,” I answer, and I really wish I could scream it back at him.
“I’m a grown ass man, Dragonfly. We don’t get pissy!”
“Will you stop yelling at me? It’s not fair that you’re yelling at me when I can’t yell back!”
“Dragonfly—”
“I just wanted to know how you felt about me. I mean, it was a simple question,” I grumble, getting out of bed. I stomp to the small bath and find my robe, frustration, fear and anger all combining to take over my mouth. I don’t watch my words, I don’t even care if he can’t hear me as I walk around. I hear me and that’s all that counts.
He doesn’t deserve to hear me!
“Toi—”
“It’s an honest question. You barely spoke to me. You were pissy with me constantly, and mean and rude! You made me talk when I didn’t want to. You made me talk—”