I didn’t want Desi or Harley to hurt. I didn’t want his other kids, who I am just starting to get to know, to hurt. And… if I’m honest with myself… I didn’t want Marcum hurt. He’s an ass. We fight more than I’ve ever fought with anyone. But I’m not scared of him. In fact, when he’s near… I feel more alive. I like him… I might even care for him. I have to wonder if he care for me. The change seems so sudden. And, do I have any right to be thinking about being with him, when whatever I do will be built over the blood on my hands?
I slowly get out of bed. I need a shower. Maybe that will make me feel better. It has to help the soreness. I go to the attached bathroom. It’s tiny, a small shower and toilet with the sink out in the bedroom, but it’s more than I ever had. That’s when I admit that I’m comfortable here. Most of the time I’m even happy.
All the reasons why I was running away are still there. They’re just smaller than the need I have to get to know Marcum better… to maybe do more than just kiss him.
Getting undressed is a slow, painful adventure and by the time I get under the spray of the hot water—I’m more than thankful. Marcum wasn’t kidding. I look like one giant black and blue bruise. In hindsight, I probably could have slowed down as I approached the tree. I’m pretty sure I was in pure panic mode.
I close my eyes and get lost in the water. The heat feels amazing. I move my hands over my body, carefully, letting the soap wash away some of my worries. I need to go see Desi and Harley. I miss them and I’m hoping I can get through to Harley a little more. I want to see more of Marcum too. I wonder if he will be around, or if he’ll be gone. He seems to disappear often. Then there’s the fact his ex is back. I don’t know what that means. He didn’t seem concerned with her last night, but there has to be feelings there and she was really pretty…
“Look what I have here.”
“Marcum!” I gasp when he pulls the shower curtain back and is looking at me. I do my best to cover my most female areas with my hands—caught completely off guard.
“I missed you, Toi,” he growls. His voice is so dark and graveled that it instantly sends chills through me.
“Close the curtain,” I try to order, reaching to turn the water off and twisting to the side so he doesn’t see so much of my body.
“Not on your fucking life, Dragonfly. Now turn around here, I want to see you,” he demands, and to make sure I do exactly that, he gets ahold of my arm and pulls me around to face him. I don’t even get the water turned off, he moves that quick. I try to bring my arm back to shield my body, but wrestling with Marcum is useless. “You’re beautiful, Toi.”
“I don’t think … You shouldn’t be here,” I tell him, having to take a break, for both my voice to work and my thoughts to settle.
“I shouldn’t have left this morning. The shower in this damn room is too small. I’ll fix that soon.”
I have no idea what that means, but I don’t bother asking him. I have bigger concerns. The hot water already has my body flushed a pale pink, but the way he looks at me only makes the color increase. Shock rolls through me as Marcum drops to his knees, his hands on my hips.
“Put your hands against the shower wall, Toi.”
“Marcum…”
“Do it,” he commands in such a way I find myself obeying at once, leaving my body open to him. I’m thankful I’m in the shower because my knees went weak at the way he ordered me and I’m so wet, I have to fight not to touch myself in front of him.
“Good girl.” His hand moves over my breasts, his fingers teasing them. I lose my breath as I look down and see his face. His eyes are centered on my body—on the way his hands move across my body. I’ve never felt beautiful before, but in that moment I definitely do. “You’ve got a beautiful pussy, Dragonfly,” he praises, as his fingers run against the trimmed hair that I keep there. I feel goosebumps move over my body and I don’t speak—I’m having enough trouble breathing. You can hear my deep breaths in the room overtop of the sound of the shower. “I’ll have to shave you here, so you’ll always be bare to me.”
Those words change those goosebumps into full-on body shivers as I imagine him doing such an intimate thing to me… to my body. He sounds like he owns my body now and I find I don’t want to argue. If he has me under some kind of spell, I hope I don’t wake up from it.