“I’m looking sober. That’s what you really mean, right Ana?”
“Okay, fine. You look like you haven’t been high in a while.”
“I’ve told you a hundred times, that’s my fucking business.”
“Allen, you’re throwing away your life.”
“You don’t live with the memories I have, or the scars, Ana. When you do, you can talk to me about staying sober. Until then, just shut the fuck up.”
“If you could stay sober, there are things we could do to help you cope, Allen. If you let me in, just a little bit, I’ll make sure you have help. I promise.”
“There you go, my goody-two-shoes big sister trying to save me. You don’t seem to get it that I don’t want to be saved. I never asked for your help and I sure as hell don’t want it. You better tend to your own life because trust me, when Anthes finds out that you’re double-crossing him, there will be hell to pay.”
“Allen, he might be…”
“Listening? Do you think I give a fuck? The only reason I haven’t ratted you out yet is because I enjoy watching you squirm. You’ve been too fucking high and mighty for too long. It’s nice to poke at you. If you’re wondering, I do plan to tell him soon. So you might want to find a rock to hide under.”
I wait for Roman to come in, demanding to know what we’re talking about. When nothing happens, I breathe a little easier. “Are you not even going to listen to me?”
“Nope.”
That’s when I give up all hope of ever reaching my brother. I knew it was a longshot, but I had hoped … Hell, I’m not even sure what I hoped. For something more than this, that much is clear. “Will you… will you at least keep my cover until I can manage to get you out of here?”
“Are you working on that?”
“Paul is.”
“Great. The DEA. So I’ll be trading this cage in for a new one. No fucking thanks.”
“Allen, they have you for dealing meth and coke. You have to know there’s not much I can do. My hands are tied. But I’ll be here for you, and by taking this assignment, they’ve told me they’ll make sure you get treatment. You can still live a good life, Allen. We both can. You just need to hold on and help me stay under the radar for a little longer.”
“Tell you what, sis. I’m feeling generous. You have forty-eight hours. After that, I’m singing like the caged canary I am.”
“Allen, I only want to help you. If you’ll just let me try and…”
“You should leave before I decide I’m being too agreeable.”
“I love you, Allen.” He doesn’t answer, but then I didn’t expect him to.
This seems so useless now. Why did I think this might be Allen’s rock-bottom? Why did I think he would accept my help now? Maybe I am as stupid as he keeps telling me I am. This is just one more thing to add to everything that’s been going on. I feel like a small fish being surrounded by sharks and completely out of my depth. I give up and leave because that’s all I can do. There’s more I want to say, but there’s truly no point. Too bad I didn’t realize that before I begged Paul to let me go undercover.
Chapter Forty-One
Roman
When Ana comes outside, she looks so heartbroken that I want to strangle her brother’s neck. I walk over to her and pick her up in my arms.
“Roman,” she gasps, but I ignore her. She’s mine. I might not be able to protect her from pain, but I can damn sure try to minimalize it. “Will you let me down? I can walk.”
“Shut it, Ana,” I growl.
Having her in my arms and feeling her ass pushing into my skin again, that’s what I needed. Last night was the longest fucking night of my life. I’m not giving her room to get free of me. I was stupid to even allow that. She stays tense in my arms during the whole time it takes to get her back to the limo. When I slide inside, Ana still in my arms, I can feel tension leave her. It soothes over some of my anger. She lets her guard down when it’s just the two of us. I like that because fuck if that’s not when I feel alive. If I had no one else in my life for the rest of my years but Ana, I’d be perfectly okay with that. Fuck, I’ve even decided to back out of the deal with Kuzma. He’ll still do his business, but it will just be away from my club. In return I’ll make sure my club is clean so he doesn’t have competition. It works better for me and it keeps that shit away. The things I deal with might be illegal as fuck, but gambling and whores don’t usually have the blowback drugs and guns have. I want Ana pregnant with my child. I don’t want that shit touching her or our baby.
“He’s so angry,” she whispers, and it’s then I notice my shirt is wet with her tears. I hold her close.
“What’s his story?” I ask her.
I don’t really give a damn, but seeing the dynamics between the two, I know there has to be something between them. I find myself changing from wanting to kill the fucking kid to trying to fix him. For Ana. Always for Ana. I’ve already accepted that this is my reality. I may never have planned on claiming a woman, but she’s mine and by God I will move Heaven and Earth just to make sure she doesn’t cry like she’s doing right now. I keep rubbing my hand back and forth on her arm, kissing the top of her head and just holding her close while quiet sobs shake her body. The interior of the limo is alive with her sadness. It’s killing me, but all I can do is let her cry it out.
“Remember how I told you about the man who thought he’d try to turn to me instead of—?”
“Shh… Ana, I remember,” I tell her, not wanting her to repeat it, not wanting to ever hear about it again. I had Bruno track down the fucker who was arrested in the police raid that Banks was a part of. I sent the information to Marcum. He’s gone. I made his head top priority. I can deal with Banks breathing air a few more days. The thought of the fucker who tried to hurt Ana drawing more breath is unacceptable. Completely unacceptable.
“I wasn’t his first choice. That night… wasn’t the first time it had happened,” she whispers the guilty secret.
“Ana?”
“I ran and hid,” she whispers remorsefully. “God, Roman. Paul doesn’t believe me, but I didn’t think he would. I mean I know now I was naïve, but Allen was a boy. A little boy. What kind of sick monster would… Oh, God.”
“Ana, sweetheart…”
“I hid in a closet, not knowing that just a room over that monster was raping my little brother,” she confesses, crying. “When… when Allen finally told me, it had been going on for a week, Roman. A week.”
“What did you do when you found out, pet?”
“I tried to…”
“What, Ana?” Knowing what she’s about to say, the hate burning in my gut is threatening to explode.
“I tried to—” She breaks off, unable to say the words. Her face is buried so tight into my chest that her words are muffled. No one should live with the misery that my woman has locked inside of her. How did she get to be such a giving person? How did she rise above everything that is in her past? More reasons that Ana will always fascinate me.
“You tried to sacrifice yourself to save your brother, didn’t you, Ana? That’s when Banks found you.”
“Yes.”