“Come on, Ryder. Mommy, it’s time to take a bath.” She steps into the room, sets her camera on a small end table, and takes Ryder from my arms. “I’ll bring him back.” She leans in and kisses me on the cheek. I watch them leave, my heart cracking wide open at the thought of leaving him.
Fuck cancer.
Chapter Twenty-Seven
Mara 27
* * *
“I’m nervous,” I tell the hot-as-hell guy who’s covered in ink sitting next to me on a small stool. Don’t get me wrong, he’s not my Seth, but he’s easy on the eyes.
“Just relax.” His wife, Tatum, smiles kindly. “I was nervous too, but it’s not as bad as some people make it seem. You’ve endured childbirth. You’ll be fine.”
“Relax, babe.” Seth chuckles. He’s sitting next to me with Ryder strapped to his chest. Finley is with his parents, so thankfully I don’t have to worry about her being around the needles.
“You want one of my pain pills?” Amelia jokes.
“No.” I stick my tongue out at her. She’s looking down at her wrist where her tattoo resides. We all decided the small ink would go on our left wrists. “I guess it’s not fair I had that small advantage, but really, you’re going to be fine.”
“I’m done,” Kendall says, showing me her ink. Blaise’s brother, Asher, did hers.
“I’m going to need your number,” Reagan tells him. “As soon as this baby is born, I’m coming to get mine. No way are these ladies having all the fun.”
“I’ll take you to him,” Tyler assures her.
“You’re the last to hold out,” Kent teases.
“No, Dawn still has to go,” I defend. He nods toward the other chair, and Asher already has Dawn’s design on her wrist and is bent over placing the needle to her skin. “Do it,” I tell Blaise, closing my eyes.
Squeezing my eyes shut, I grit my teeth when the needle hits my skin. I wince, but it’s not as bad as I was thinking.
Not long after, Blaise’s voice startles my eyes open. “You’re all set.” Blaise grins down at me.
“Really?” I ask, surprised.
He laughs. “Yeah, it’s a simple small outline.”
“Huh, not so bad. Maybe I might get more.”
“Your husband knows where to find me,” he tells me, still laughing.
“It’s hot, babe.” Seth leans in and kisses me.
“So are you, especially with your little man there.” I smile at him. He’s taken so well to being the daddy of his baby boy. I’m honored to call this man my husband.
“You guys want to stick around?” Seth asks Blaise.
“We’d love to, but our twins both have games tomorrow. We need to get home and get them in bed. My mom can’t seem to say no to them.”
“I really appreciate you doing this,” Seth tells him.
“Anytime. Don’t be strangers,” he responds.
Seth peers down at me. “We’ll be coming for a visit soon. I have to get some ink for my kids.” He smiles down at me and I grin back. We got the final documents in the mail yesterday. He’s officially Finley’s dad in the eyes of the law. The adoption is final. He grinned from ear to ear all day. He snuggled with both kids pretty much all day.
We say our goodbyes to Blaise and Asher, and their wives, Grace and Tatum. The rest of the night, we sit around laughing and talking. The girls and I all take a ton of pictures of the guys goofing off with Amelia. She laughs and smiles and snuggles baby Ryder, but her eyes tell me what she won’t. She’s tired, she’s in pain, and this is all too much excitement for one day.
“I’m beat,” I say, faking a yawn and stretching my arms above my head. Kendall catches my eye, and I give a subtle nod toward Amelia, who has her eyes closed, with Ryder lying on her chest.
“Yeah, we should be getting home. It’s rare we have a night without the kids.” Kendall lightly bumps her shoulder into Ridge, and that’s all it takes for him to stand and take her hand in his. Not that she needed the innuendo. That man would ask how high if she said jump. They all would. We’re all really lucky to have each of them in our lives.
Couple by couple, our friends leave until it’s just Seth, Kent, Amelia, me, and baby Ryder.
“Let me help you to bed,” I tell Amelia. I hand Ryder off to Seth and help her stand.
“You need help?” Kent asks.
“Nah.” Amelia waves him off even when she wobbles on her feet.
“Stubborn-ass woman,” he grumbles. Standing, he scoops her up in his arms. She doesn’t protest. Instead, she rests her head against his chest, loops her arms around his neck, and accepts the fact that walking is harder and harder for her.
“Thank you, Kenton.” Amelia’s voice is soft, pained that she needs help.
“Anything for you, beautiful.” He winks and leaves us alone.
“I’m going to miss that.” She half laughs, half coughs the words.
“Miss what?” I ask, confused.
“Kent. When he finds the one who brings him to his knees, I’m going to miss it. It’s been fun watching each of the guys with their wives and kids. I just hate that I’m going to miss it.”
What do I say to that? I can’t tell her to think positive. I love her too much to lie to her. We both know she’s fading fast. Instead, I nod like I understand, and I do, but telling her that does nothing for either of us. Instead, I help her change into her pajamas and tuck her into bed. I double-check her oxygen tank, making sure she’s good through the night. Reaching into the bedside table, I pull out the locked box where we store her medication. It’s not worth the risk with Finley in the house. Standing, I grab the key from a high hook, that even if she climbed or tried to she could never reach, and unlock it. Gathering her nightly medications, I hand them to her one at a time and hold the glass of water with a straw for her.
“Mara.” Her voice cracks. “I love you. My entire life I was surrounded by the guys; they were my closest friends. I was the girl who had more guy friends than girls, and I was scared as hell to go to college and leave them behind, but then I met you, and it was all okay. I need you to know what you mean to me, what our friendship means before I can’t.”
“I love you too.” I want to tell her that we have time, that she’s just hit a rough patch and things w
ill be better, but we both know that’s not true.
“Can you do something for me? I want to finish his scrapbook. The one of up to his birth and his birth. Can you and the girls maybe help me with that? I just don’t know if I can do it on my own.”
“Done.”
“And could you maybe go shopping for me? I want to get him birthday cards for each birthday, and a graduation card, two of them because I’m not sure if he’ll go to college, and wedding, and baby, and—” She stops when a sob breaks free. “God, I’m going to miss so much.”
“I’m sorry,” I say, not knowing what else to say. It sucks. Cancer sucks. “Fuck cancer,” I say, and she giggles through her tears.
“Look at you dropping F-bombs.”
“It was fitting.”
“Yeah,” she agrees, wiping at her eyes.
“I guess I just need to do the milestones, maybe not cards. Some nice stationery maybe? I’ll do a few cards, the big birthdays, and letters for the big events. I just… I want him to know how much I love him.”
“He’ll never go a day without knowing. I give you my word.”
“He’s so lucky to have two mommies who love him.”
“I’m good with being Mara. I don’t want to fill your shoes. I never could.” It’s true. I have no problem being Mara to Ryder. He has a momma.
“No. You’re his mother. I know you’re going to love him and nurture him as if he was your blood. I want that for him, for all of you.”
“He’ll never not know who you are, Amelia. I promise with everything in me, he will always know what you did to give him life.”
“I wasn’t taking treatments regardless.”
“But even if you wanted to, when you found out about him, you wouldn’t have. I know you.”
She shrugs. “I was always going to be here. He will always be the best thing I’ve ever done in my life. Giving him life. I’m sorry for how it all turned out with Seth, I just—” I hold up my finger to stop her.