“That’s not the same thing, and you know it.”
Nope. It’s not the same thing. But I feel like if I dwell on what’s in that email, I’ll completely fall apart.
“Is it crazy that the part that fucked with me the most was seeing Meredith in that picture?” I scrub my hands over my face and walk out back to the pool area. I can sense the beginnings of fall in the air, and it feels good. Refreshing.
“No, it’s not crazy,” Levi says from behind me. I turn to find him leaning against the doorjamb, his hands in his pockets. He took his leather jacket off, and he’s just in a white T-shirt. The sleeves are stretched tight around his muscular biceps.
“You don’t have any tattoos,” I say.
“No.” He watches me carefully.
“I know, I’m all over the place. Maybe I just need to swim.” I strip out of my clothes and dive into the deep end. The water is cooler than normal this afternoon, but it’s refreshing, as well.
I swim back and forth until my limbs are too tired to keep going. I climb out of the pool, and Levi is standing by with a big towel. He wraps it around me and pulls me to him, rocking us back and forth.
“We should talk about this.”
“Did your person trace the email?” I ask, looking up into his face. He frowns, and I know the answer isn’t what I want to hear.
“No. It’s not traceable, unfortunately. But they’re still going to work on it, see if there’s a back door they’re missing.”
“I see.” I lean against his chest and listen to his heartbeat for a moment. “I’m honestly a little surprised that this messed with me so much. I can let a lot roll off my shoulders. But Meredith . . .”
“Shh.” He kisses my forehead. “Mer’s fine. I’ve called Mark to let him know what’s up, but she wasn’t directly threatened in the email, sweetheart. I’d say you’re the target, and it pisses me the fuck off.”
His voice is hard again. I gaze up at him, so grateful that he’s here.
“I don’t want you to leave.”
“I’m not going anywhere.”
I nod and pull away, but his arms tighten, keeping me close.
I want him. I’ve never wanted anyone the way I want Levi Crawford, and trust me, that’s fed my guilt in ways I don’t want to think about right now.
I just know that I want him. Right now.
“Levi,” I whisper, watching his Adam’s apple bob as he swallows hard.
“Starla, you’re upset.” He doesn’t pretend to not know what’s going through my mind, and I appreciate that.
“Yes, I am. And I want you. I want you to make me forget, to make me feel. I feel alive with you, Levi.”
He kisses my forehead, and his hands glide up and down my back, still covered with the towel.
“Sweetheart—”
“I’m not used to begging for sex, Levi, but if that’s what you want, I will. Please.”
He lifts me, cradling me in his arms as he stomps through my house and up the stairs to my bedroom. He sets me on my feet, and I let the towel spill to the floor.
“Jesus, you’re beautiful.”
“And you’re overdressed.” I pull his shirt out of the waistband of his blue jeans and up over his head, then toss it on the tile. Before I unfasten his pants, I let my fingertips roam over his warm, smooth skin, taking in every defined muscle.
“You’re hot.”
He grins. “Thanks. I’m glad you approve.” He swallows again. “And if you keep touching me like that, this won’t last long.”
I laugh, delighted with him, and reach for his pants. But before I can continue stripping him, he waves my hands aside and hurries out of his jeans, kicks them aside, and leads me back onto the bed.
“I’ve dreamed of this for weeks,” he confesses as his fingertips glide up and down my torso, from my neck to my belly button and back again. “You need to know that once this happens, there’s no going back, Starla. This isn’t a one-night stand for me.”
“Message received.” I brush my fingers through his salt-and-pepper hair, loving the way the strands feel in my hand. “You make me feel things no one else ever has, and that both scares and thrills me.”
His brown eyes find mine, and while holding my gaze, he tugs my nipple into his mouth, gently plucking it between his teeth.
“Just enjoy,” he whispers and begins to explore me as if this were our first time together. As if he can’t get enough of looking at me, touching me.
I sigh and close my eyes, circling my hips in invitation.
“Watch me,” he commands.
Two simple words, but when they come from Levi, they send shivers down my spine. I can’t take my eyes off him as he kisses down my sternum, licks my navel, then nudges his shoulders between my legs and grins as he stares down at the most intimate part of me.