There was only one problem with that plan.
Despite what I might have said to Andi, I still wasn’t completely convinced that I had it in me to ignore William’s wishes. Sure, I hated him for what he’d done to us. But somehow, I had begun to feel like lying and sidestepping the terms of the agreement would put a gulf between Andi and I that I’d never be able to cross.
If I tried to protect what flimsy hope there was of something meaningful forming between Andi and I, I’d be putting my mom’s future and her treatment at risk.
I raked my hands through my hair and tried my hardest to think of another way.15AndiLandon met me at the zoo around noon. He had left behind the suit in favor of a black coat and jeans. As good as he looked dressed up, I enjoyed seeing him in something a little more casual, too. After all, Landon didn’t need any help looking professional or intimidating. I thought he probably could’ve strolled into a board meeting in a t-shirt and jeans and still commanded the room.
“Wow,” I said, noting the look on his face when he arrived. “Did you just finish punching some newborn kittens, or something?”
Landon’s frown deepened. “Why would I punch newborn kittens?”
“You just look… dark. Like somebody told you they canceled Wheel of Fortune for good.”
“Believe it or not, I’d survive that news unscathed.”
I pursed my lips and shrugged. “Then you’re a monster with poor taste. But seriously, what’s up?”
Landon studied a patch of wet cement between us. If I didn’t know better, I’d say he was nervous. Nervousness and Landon together made about as much sense as gifting a snake a pair of boots and mittens for Christmas, so my curiosity spiked.
“Know what?” I said, cutting him off just as he was about to speak. “I don’t want to start our first official date with the gloomies. Forget I asked. And hey, I saw how you were practically a kid in a candy shop at the aquarium. The zoo is probably right up your alley, isn’t it?”
The darkness in his expression still didn’t fade completely, but he made the effort of forcing a smile for me. “Guilty as charged.”
“I should also mention that I am extremely well connected around here. I pulled a few strings and arranged for us to have a private elephant encounter.” I mimicked blowing some dust off my fingernails and then brushed my shoulder.
Landon’s smile looked a little more genuine now. “You’re making that up, right?”
I flashed a smug smile. “I guess you’ll just have to wait and see, won’t you?”
Little by little, Landon’s mood improved throughout the morning. We started with the monkeys. When one of the gorillas pooped in his own hand, then smeared it on his head, I thought Landon was going to gag. A few minutes later, a bonobo threw up in its own hand and started eating it, at which point Landon really did gag.
I laughed as we retreated from the primate section of the zoo. Landon looked pale, but he was at least grinning faintly.
“I wouldn’t have pegged you for someone with a weak stomach.”
“I’ve never liked monkeys. They’re like twisted, evil little naked humans.”
I burst out with a surprised laugh. “Definitely not. Most of them are super sweet. It’s more like they are freakishly strong toddlers.”
“Right. Because a toddler who can rip your arms off and beat you to death with them isn’t one of the most horrible things I can imagine.”
By the time we had fed the giraffes and watched the penguins fail to shuffle out of their exhibit because the ones at the front kept falling and knocking the others down like bowling pins, Landon’s mood was drastically improved.
I felt a little twinge of pride that I could cheer him up. I also felt strangely sad that he didn’t seem to try to pick up where we left off. I only had myself to blame, of course. I’d told him kissing him was a mistake. I probably would’ve needed to worry if he was still trying to put moves on me. But a very stupid side of me still wanted him to try. It was like I couldn’t forgive myself if I didn’t at least try to push him away, but it didn’t mean I wanted to succeed. I was playing a very dumb game of conditions with myself, where it wasn’t the outcome that determined if I was a bad person—it was how I got there.
Neither of us were particularly hungry after the atrocities we saw from the monkeys, so we settled for ice creams, which we ate in a pretty area by the pond surrounded by flowers.
“How am I doing?” Landon asked.
“Well,” I reached up and wipeda little smear of chocolate ice cream from the tip of his nose, “you eat ice cream about as carefully as a small child.” I licked the ice cream off my finger without thinking, then paused and blushed.