“Do you always do that?” he asked.
“What?”
“Make jokes when you’re nervous?”
“Uh, actually, I get a sick stomach when I’m nervous. So, no. Nice try, though.” As if my stomach was playing for the wrong team, it made a keening, whimpering kind of sound that seemed too loud to be true. I smiled weakly. “Coincidence,” I said. “I had the shrimp for dinner, and I thought it looked a little off. So...”
Landon looked down at me, as if in disbelief, and then led me by the arm to the back of the room. We sat down on a long couch in the corner that circled a glossy, black table.
I looked around and raised my eyebrows. “So, The Red Room. Why do they call it that? Is all the food red, or something? No white wine? Or maybe you can only order undercooked steaks.”
Landon drew my attention to the door. “The red curtain.”
“Oh,” I said, deflating. “I was kind of hoping Grandpa Willy was more creative than that.”
“There are different types of rooms at The Golden Pecker. Private rooms. Public rooms. Passive rooms. Active rooms.”
I quirked an eyebrow. “Why did you say ‘active’ all whispery like that?”
“Because I don’t think we need to show you the active rooms.”
“Because why?”
“It’s not on the list, for starters. And I doubt you’ll ever be ready to step inside an active room.”
“Sorry,” I said. “But you keep talking like you know the first thing about me. I’m not some blushing virgin. I’ve totally done it before. I’ve even watched porn. So, the idea of somebody getting their hands tied up or spanked with a paddle isn’t going to scandalize me into running out of the room screaming.”
Landon flashed a rare grin. “You’ve done it, have you?”
I bit back frustration at my choice of words. “I’ve had sex,” I said flatly. “I’ve banged. I even fucked, once. It was all wild, crazy, and wonderful, thankyouverymuch.” Truth be told, there was nothing wild, crazy, or wonderful about the sex I’d put on my resume, but Landon didn’t need to know that. He definitely didn’t need to know that I’d done the deed exactly two times with exactly two partners. The first had been with the man I will forever remember as Speedy McCummins, the potential world record holder for fastest ejaculator on Earth. I could put it this way: if there was a Wild West style shootout where the fastest cummer came out on top, Old Speedy would’ve knocked them all dead—and he’d have done it with semen in his pants. He also would’ve been on the bottom, because he had a bad back and couldn’t get on top.
My second partner was so bland he hadn’t even earned a nickname. I guess if I had to pick something, I could’ve called him The Little Engine That Could. Emphasis on little. He tried and tried, but the only move in his arsenal was to get sweatier and try harder. I found myself faking an orgasm as a mercy act, after which, he promptly collapsed.
But hey, I really had watched a porno or two, so I wasn’t a total liar. And I’d added the coctopus to my reading arsenal, which had to count for something.
“I didn’t realize I was dealing with an expert,” Landon said. “I apologize. I won’t bother explaining what’s about to happen then.”
I nodded, even though I felt a little pang of fear. What was about to happen that I’d need an explanation to prepare for?
As if in response, the lights dimmed, and a very peculiar group of people walked on stage.4LandonA topless man in a full mask and leather pants stepped out on the stage. He pulled open a control panel, pressed a button, and waited while a glass screen rose to cut the stage off from the rest of the room. Moments later, blue-lit smoke started to puff out from machines just behind the curtains. Once a haze had fallen over the stage, a table was wheeled out and cranked into an upright position so we could all see the harnesses and straps dangling where the head, hands, hips, and feet would go.
Two more men led a completely nude woman out to the stage, pushing wisps of the blue smoke in their wake as they walked.
I discreetly stole a glance at Andi, who was watching the stage with wide eyes and a tight grip on her legs. I grinned to myself. Didn’t cover this in your pornos, did they? She looked so deliciously innocent as she sat there. My eyes couldn’t help falling to her legs. I chewed my lip, drinking in the hints of her body I could find beneath the conservative clothing.
I thought about my father setting this whole charade up. It pissed me off. I wondered for the first time if he thought his pretend granddaughter was somehow best suited to make a fool of me. Maybe he knew she’d turn down my advances or think she was too good for me.