When she came back to Silver Falls, she still had her father. She had a home. Within a few days, she’d made friends and found hobbies. Then she found some pathetic little version of a boyfriend.
As long as she had things she cared about, it felt like I still had work to do to settle the score. She’d only understand what she’d left me with when she had nothing, too.
After dinner, I decided to pay Charli a visit in her room. She’d been avoiding me, and I’d been allowing it. But I was done playing nice.
The door was locked, but I shimmied a credit card in the gap between the door and the frame, wiggling it slightly until the lock popped back into the door. I found her sitting on the edge of her bed with her backpack in her lap and a distant look on her face. She jumped like I’d just caught her naked with her hand between her legs and blushed a deep red.
“What the fuck?” she snapped.
I chuckled, leaning in the doorway. “This is what you do with your spare time?”
She set her backpack down and stood, taking a few challenging steps toward me. “What if I’d been changing?”
“Then I would’ve enjoyed the view, I guess.”
Charli’s fists balled up like she was about to try to swing at me. “You know, your excuse is bullshit.”
I quirked an eyebrow, waiting.
“Yeah. You think you’re justified in making me miserable because of what happened? You seriously think I’m a bad person for not wanting to leave my mom inside a room that was on fire?” She closed the distance between us and shoved me in the chest.
I looked down at her, letting the impact jostle me backwards slightly. Tears were glistening in her eyes again. God. She was such a fucking crier, wasn’t she?
“I never asked your dad to risk himself for me. And I’ve been heartbroken ever since you told me what really happened. But I’m not sorry. I’m not sorry I was ready to die in there with my mom before I’d walk away.”
My jaw flexed and my teeth ached. Instinctively, I wanted to argue with her. She’d cost me my dad. Plain and simple. If she’d made different choices, he’d still be here. I wouldn’t have a fucking patch of agony stretching across my back that ached like a bitch every time I got too hot or even before really bad thunderstorms. I’d let it be so black and white in my head, and all the things she wanted me to hear were splashes of color that didn’t belong in my version of events.
So I didn’t let them sink in. I let the words wash right over me and I clung like a goddamn bear to the rage. “I’m sorry you didn’t die, too.”
The tears in her eyes spilled down her cheeks. At least she was keeping her composure, even if her eyes were leaking. Her face didn’t crumple, and she didn’t look away. If anything, I thought she might start swinging, soon. That, I would like to see.
“You’re a bastard. You’re a fucking bastard.”
I folded my arms. “Alright.”
“And I hate you.”
I nodded. “Bore me much more, and you won’t be the only one crying, Scarface.”
She slapped me then. To her credit, it was hard enough that it made my tooth catch on my lip somehow. I immediately tasted blood. I rubbed my thumb across the spot and saw a smear of crimson there. “Are you done?” I asked.
“Get out of my room.”
“Careful with all that hate.” I gripped the edge of the door, ready to close it in a moment. “You feel too much of anything for someone and your heart might get confused.”
She laughed humorlessly. “Are you speaking from experience?”
Anger spiked through me. I almost wanted to laugh, because what if she was right? Was my obsession with punishing Charli morphing into something else? But I clung to the anger and turned it into a taunting smile. “You really do wish I was into you, don’t you?” I reached out and pushed her hair back from her face. “But I could never love a monster.”
I expected her to bite back, but I’d apparently touched a weak spot. All her defiance crumpled in on itself, like some gravitational force at the center of her chest activated. Her head sank down and her shoulders rolled in. It was subtle, but I could see I’d won.
“See you at breakfast.” I knocked twice on the door, then gave her a meaningful look as I reached around and re-locked the door for her. “To make sure you can stare into space like a freak without being interrupted.”
I shut the door and headed back to my room. Despite everything I’d said, I couldn’t help feeling like something inside me had cracked. Those words of hers I’d refused to hear still lingered around in my head somewhere. And her accusation… Fucking Charli.