So we just kept moving forward, painfully close, but with an invisible barrier that kept us from crossing that border again.
I made it through first period without really thinking about how strange it all was. But by second period, my mind was wandering. I wondered what my mom was doing. I’d been contacted and told I had the option to go visit her, but I wasn’t ready for that, yet. I needed more time. Knowing that I was going home to an empty house made me feel strangely weightless, like this was all part of a dream.
Marne nudged me in the side. “Are you in a self-pity mode, or would a joke be appropriate?”
Rumor had spread like wildfire, and the entire school knew everything before I’d come back.
“Dealer’s choice,” I said.
Marne wiggled her eyebrows. “I was just thinking it’s probably a good thing your mom didn’t also want a boy. I bet she would’ve fed you penis enhancement pills until—”
“Okay. Changed my mind,” I said. “Let’s go with self-pity.”
“So sad,” Marne said, shifting her tone so suddenly it made me laugh. “I’m so terribly sorry for everything that has happened to you.”
“Thank you,” I said.
“So the rumor mill was pretty explicit with the whole mom thing. But I haven’t heard about Tristan. Are you two still enemies?”
“We’re—I’m not sure what the correct label is. Confused friends, maybe?”
“Confused friends. Like friends who want to bump uglies, but don’t?”
I rolled my eyes at her. “It’s not all about sex, Marne.”
“When your nether regions are as unexplored as the Arctic circle, yes. Yes, it is.”
I felt my lips tremble with the threat of a smile. “I don’t know if I’m supposed to laugh at that.”
“Dealer’s choice,” she said.
Feeling particularly brave, I decided to go sit with Tristan, Cassian, Gage, and Logan at lunch. I squished myself in beside Tristan, having to sit close enough that our thighs were touching. It wasn’t exactly the easiest position to talk to him from, but I thought squeezing in next to Cassian, who was across from us, would’ve sent the wrong message.
“Hey,” Logan said. “Glad to have you back.”
Gage nodded.
Cassian was watching me with a strange expression.
“What?” I said.
He sighed. “Forget it. Fucking with you now is like picking on a piece of roadkill.”
I frowned at him.
Tristan nudged me. “That’s as close as he’ll probably get to an apology. Just smile and nod.”
I grinned, taking Tristan’s advice.
After a little bit of an awkward start, the conversation at the table picked up easily a few minutes later.
“You’re serious?” Tristan asked.
Gage nodded. “We told coach about how she drugged you. He’s willing to test you again once it has had time to get out of your system. If you’re clean, he said you’re back on the team. Granted, you’re going to have to beat me out for the QB job if you want to be a starter again.”
“You mean I’ll just have to show up,” Tristan said.
Logan and Cassian chuckled, but Gage looked a little annoyed by the jab.
The more I listened to them all talk, I realized that was their group dynamic. I really hadn’t been far off when I’d originally thought they were like a pack of wolves. Except it was more like four alpha wolves, all constantly snarling and vying for top position. I thought if you could get high off testosterone, I would’ve been in the clouds by the time the lunch bell rang.
The next day at school, Tristan pulled me aside before I could join them at the table. He looked excited.
“What is it?” I asked. “Are you back on the team?”
“No,” he said. “This is all going to be a little much, so stick with me, okay?”
“Okay…”
“So, your mom lied to you about a lot of things, right?”
I nodded.
“Would it be a big stretch of the imagination that she lied about your dad, too?”
“I don’t get where you’re going with this, Tristan.” Even though my brain didn’t understand, my heart was pounding like a caged animal trying to break free.
“What if your mom lied about your dad being abusive? What if the reason he disappeared wasn’t because he ran away? What if your mom was the one who ran away with you, and the reason you guys have been hiding is because it would be his legal right to take you back?”
“She said he was abusive,” I said stupidly. “That he was always threatening to do terrible things to us.”
Tristan took a slow, steady breath. “I can’t guarantee she was lying about anything. But I found him. I’ve been talking to him over the past few days. There were police reports from the time you were five filed in Tennessee. According to them, your mom was abusive toward your dad a couple times. There wasn’t anything about him touching her.”
“What are you saying?” I asked. My throat was so tight it felt hard to breathe. I wasn’t sure I could handle another lie like this. And I was too scared to let myself hope what I thought he was saying was true.