“Your shoes are muddy,” she said.
My chest tightened. “Oh. Yeah.”
She raised her eyebrows, waiting.
“I wasn’t feeling that dizzy earlier, and I got the stupid idea to try walking a little outside. But it hit me once I got up. Still dizzy,” I added with a nervous laugh.
She waited a few seconds before sipping her tea. “I think I’ll take a little blood tomorrow morning and run it at the hospital. Sounds like your dosages may be off.”
“It’s okay, really. I think I was just being optimistic, more than anything.”
“No. Better safe than sorry.”
I smiled thinly. “Yeah. You’re right.”34TristanMy head still pounded from last night’s party. I wasn’t sure I actually fell asleep at any point, and I’d drank so much I thought I could still feel the buzz. My goal had been to numb the pain. It had worked, except now I was coming out the other end of it and it all came seeping back in.
Kennedy’s mom. My dad. The house.
Kennedy.
I still saw the look on her face when I left her waiting in the grass out front. She had looked like she wanted to cry, and I hated myself for it. But more and more, I was realizing I was only going to drag her into my own mess if I kept pursuing her.
We had practice before school on Fridays to walk through our game plan for the game that night. It was five in the morning, my brain felt like it was trying to claw its way out of my head, and the coaches were blasting whistles every few seconds.
So when Logan tried to get my attention, I wasn’t exactly in the mood.
“Hey,” he said again, pushing my shoulder until I finally glared up at him.
“What?”
“I wanted you to hear it from me. Last night, some creeps tried to corner Kennedy on her way back home. Nothing happened, though. Me, Cassian, and Gage chased them off and then made sure she got home okay.”
My insides went icy. “Last night?” I asked stupidly.
“Last night,” Logan said.
“Fuckweeds!” Coach yelled, blasting his whistle a few inches from my head. “This is a walkthrough. Not an ice cream fucking social. Run the goddamn play!”
I went through the motions, tossing passes and calling plays, but my head was somewhere else.
I kept picturing the moment I’d had a choice. I decided she was better off without me. Safer. And what had that accomplished?
I’d sent her right into the arms of some fucking creeps.
The truth was that Kennedy had spent her whole life on the outside looking in. Without me keeping an eye on her, high school was going to eat her alive and spit her back out. She still needed me to protect her.
Once I’d showered, changed, and made it to lunch, I finally spotted Kennedy. Except she was in her wheelchair again. I frowned, getting up and leaving Cassian, Gage, and Logan behind at our table.
“Hey,” I said carefully once I reached her. I knew there was a metric fuckton of things I should be saying to her right now. Apologizing for last night, for starters, but I needed to know she was okay before I even got into any of that.
She set her lunch down on a table and eased out of the chair, making it clear that she wasn’t just using it for show. “Hi.” I expected her voice to be full of anger, but she sounded like she was the one trying to be careful not to upset me. It made my stomach feel sick. She was way too fucking good for me.
I sat down beside her. “What’s going on?”
“I think my mom figured out I wasn’t taking all my meds. She wanted bloodwork before she left for work this morning. She warned me at dinner, so I took everything last night.”
“So, what? You’ll take them for a few days and then get back off them?”
“I don’t know, Tristan. Maybe she’s right. What if I’m just letting one of my conditions quietly get worse?”
“I could take you to a doctor. Get a second opinion.”
Kennedy shook her head. She hugged her arms to herself, staring at her unopened lunch bag. “I don’t want to go behind her back like that.”
I waited, watching her. Inside, I felt at war. She needed me to protect her, but she didn’t need me to be her boyfriend. Being her boyfriend complicated her already complex life. It turned her mom into an enemy. It made guys like Cassian see her as a target. It brought me into her life, which was probably the worst of them all. I could try to be a good guy and I could care about her all I wanted. But at the end of the day, I knew what kind of person I was. I hurt people. It was as natural as breathing. I’d hurt Kennedy before, and it was only a matter of time before I’d do it again.