With the hint of a smile, my dad chuckled. “That was a joke.”
Wow. Jokes from my father. He must have really been in a good mood.
And then the wedding march played.
Here I come, bitches. I smiled to myself. God, I couldn’t believe this was happening. I shook the nerves out my hands, then stepped out from the hedge with my arm hooked in my father’s.
The rest felt like it played on fast-forward. I felt thousands of faces watching me, practically glided down the aisle toward Chris, who was standing tall and proud with one of the biggest smiles I’d ever seen on his face—and that was saying something.
I took my place across from him, and it felt like everything else shrank away, like the world had suddenly condensed into a tight ball of existence where it was just me and Chris. I tried to write the sensation off by telling myself weddings were powerful things. It was built into us to put significance in this moment, to feel like our bodies were electrically charged.
Except I wasn’t sure anymore.
I wasn’t sure I didn’t want this to be more, but the idea was so embarrassingly crazy I was still afraid to take a firm hold of it and embrace it. So I let it linger there in the shadow of my thoughts where it seemed to sit poised and ready to burst into the light.
Before Chris took my hands, he discreetly made a curvy gesture in the air, eyed me up and down, then closed his eyes in mock satisfaction. He mouthed “wow,” then took my hands with a little wink.
I dipped my chin, smiling. Well, I guess that meant he liked the dress.
We reached the part where we were supposed to read our vows, and Chris pulled a crumpled, folded up piece of paper from his pocket. I noticed that it was adorably covered in scribbles, crossed out lines, and even a section where he appeared to have broken out some White-Out, then written back over it in his small, cramped handwriting.
Chris cleared his throat. “I thought about starting my vows by looking on the internet for what wedding vows are supposed to sound like. Then I realized that one, I was too lazy. Two, I figured it couldn’t be that complicated. A vow is a promise, so I just wrote down some things I wanted to promise you, Belle.”
He’d been speaking without looking at his paper, and when he said my name, I felt an unexpected rush of warmth spread through me.
Chris looked down at his paper, fidgeting a little on his feet, glancing up at me, then back at his paper. He cleared his throat again, then licked his lips. “I vow to wife you so hard that we’ll need to take you to a doctor to have your back checked out afterwards.”
I gave him a puzzled look, then he mouthed “sex” to me. I rolled my eyes, smiling as he continued.
“I vow to do all the shit husbands normally stop doing because they take their wives for granted. Like taking out the trash, and if I don’t do it, I’ll hire someone to do it, so you don’t have to.”
“So honorable,” I said quietly enough that only he could hear.
With a little smirk, he kept reading. “And I vow to leave you satisfied every single night. And by that, I mean I vow to return the favor, if you know what I mean. And well, I’m saying I’ll make sure you are—”
I knuckled him in the stomach, giving him a sharp look. “Got it, Chris. You don’t have to spell it out.”
He nodded, then looked at his list again. This time, I thought his hand started to shake a little. “And, well. None of those other vows really matter much. Not as much as this last one. Because I know I can promise to do all that other shit because I love you. And I know, uh, sometimes people act like marriage doesn’t matter. Some people even say it’s a joke or… a fantasy. But I don’t want ours to be like that. I just want you to know that this can be as real as you want it to be, Belle. Because I vow to love the shit out of you since I don’t think I really have a choice in the matter.”
I stood there feeling dumbstruck. Chris’ hands had been shaking slightly, and he folded the note back up to shove it in his pocket. He slowly brought his eyes up to meet mine.
“Are you saying what I think you’re saying?” I whispered.
Chris nodded.
The officiant gave me a slight nod. “If the bride would like to present her vows now.”
I felt stupid. I’d written some of my own, but they were nowhere near as earth shattering as Chris’ had been. I’d imagined his would be full of jokes and that I’d look like an idiot if I took them too seriously. “That’s okay,” I said. “He can read them later.”