Please don’t come to my house. Please don’t come to try and convince me to come back. I know it’s not that hard to find an admin assistant. I actually think Cherry at reception would do a great job. Or hire someone with more experience. Either way, it won’t be hard to grasp the workload. I actually made an instruction manual with many of the processes and procedures. I’ve been working on it since I started, so it’s pretty comprehensive. Mostly, I did it for myself, so I wouldn’t forget something and look like a moron when it counted, but it should actually help whoever takes my position next.
Please don’t call me. I actually have a new number now, and I won’t be checking my work email since it’s no longer my property. My office is completely clean too. Thank you for everything. This really was my decision and something I needed to do in order to move on and make myself happy. I have nothing but respect for you, and I promise I won’t write any more horrible things about you in any kind of journal anywhere.
Thank you for respecting my wishes and my privacy in this. And in all the other stuff too.
Oh, and if you keep working at it while being a little less grumpy, you could actually be a great boss. For everyone. You already kind of are, minus the bad attitude you have at times. Stop trying to be your dad. Your dad created and grew the company. And you’re his son. You’re Philippe, and no matter what, I’m sure he’d be proud of you.
Your friend,
Sutton Sethford
Your friend! Your friend! What kind of way is that to sign off an email?! We’re not friends. We’re not…well, we’re not enemies. But we’re not what I want to be either.
Did Sutton leave because she felt the same, and she was sure I didn’t because I was too stupid and scared to tell her what that night meant to me? Did Sutton pack up and leave because she thought she’d never mean anything, and it was impossible to work with me and pretend like it never happened? Did she have feelings for me? Or did she just get a better offer somewhere else, and this was her way of trying to let me down gently? Did she move on because she was sick and tired of dealing with me? It’s just so weird that she would suddenly clean out her office and disappear. She’d obviously been thinking about this for a while.
I shut my laptop and lean back in my chair. She told me not to come to her house, not to look for her. Is that code for don’t bother me, I don’t want to see you again, you asshole, or was it because she didn’t think she could bear it because she was hurt over what happened?
The more I think about it, the more likely it seems like she does have feelings for me. Some kind of feelings, at least. I’m not sure what they are, where they begin, where they stop, or how to define them, but it seems very likely that she couldn’t take working with me, thinking I wanted everything to be normal like that night at the hotel never happened. Like I didn’t care. A person doesn’t just leave unless something becomes unbearable. Sutton could take me and bear with me for all those years. Three. Years. She never once even threatened to quit. And now she suddenly just up and disappears?
Yes. She has to have some sort of feelings. I hurt her. I acted like I didn’t care. The truth is, I do. But I’m scared. I’m scared of putting myself out there. Of letting someone in. Someone to see the real me even though she already has. I’m scared because I did let her in. She saw me. That night meant something. No, it meant everything. But I thought it was better for both of us if we pretended it didn’t, because of our work relationship. I was too worried about becoming a massive cliché and hurting her in the process because of what people would say. I never thought about what it was like for her, or about the consequences. I never thought she’d walk out because she was hurt and needed to nurse those wounds and move on somewhere else.
I don’t know what I thought, actually, because I wasn’t thinking properly, but that’s over. For the first time in a very long time, maybe ever, I’m thinking clearly.
This isn’t about me. It’s not about me getting Sutton back because I need a good assistant or because I want her. This is about me making sure she’s okay. If I have to admit how I feel, I’ll gladly do it. Even if I put it all out there and she still tells me to take a hike, I guess I can live with it as long as I know she’s going to be okay. I can’t live with not knowing. The damage. The pain. The ache. The hurt. The grief. I can’t take knowing I put scars on her perfect, wonderful, and beautiful heart.