“It’s okay,” I whimper, as Bailey wipes my tears away with her shirtsleeve. “I am so, so sorry I haven’t told you. I just… I just haven’t known what to do.”
“How far along are you?” she asks.
“About four months. A little more than that.”
“Are you seeing a doctor?”
“Yeah, one not too far from campus. But Bails, no one else knows. Not even my parents. Not even the baby’s father.”
Bailey tugs my hands so that I’m sitting on the bed with her, the forgotten container of cookies between us.
“Why not?” she asks. “Doesn’t he have a right to know?”
“He… he…” A new wave of tears bursts through the dam, and I sob into my hands. I feel now like I’m being torn in half. Part of me wants to lie and say that the baby’s father is some kid on campus, and that he’s too young and broke to support a baby. Part of me, of course, wants to finally reveal the truth: that the father of my baby is Bailey’s own father. That she’s going to have a half-sibling. And to tell her the most painful part of all: that Rick most likely wants nothing to do with our child.
“Is he someone I know?” Bailey asks gently.
I have to make a decision. Now. It’s difficult, but I decide that I can’t keep this information hidden forever. Besides, I need a friend so badly at the moment, and Bails is the only one who I can talk to. I just hope it doesn’t blow up in my face.
“Bailey,” I say, once my tears have subsided enough for me to speak, “I don’t know how to say this, and I don’t know how you’ll react. But… my baby’s father is your dad. It’s Rick. He’s the father.”
“What?!” Bailey’s eyes grow huge, and her hands fly to her mouth in shock. “Are you serious?”
“Yeah,” I say, hanging my head. “I am serious.” With tears stinging my eyes, I explain everything: how we confessed our attraction for each other that night at the hospital; how we were secretly seeing each other for months; and how I’d been happier than ever, spending so much time with him. “But then I found out I was pregnant, and he had said he didn’t want any more children, and there’s no way I’m not having the baby, so I just…”
“Wait, what?” Bailey frowns, and I worry she’s going to reprimand me, but she just says, “Slow down, Kar. He said he didn’t want any more kids? Really?”
I nod, grabbing a tissue from my nightstand to dab at my swollen eyes. “Over dinner one night. We talked about his divorce from your mom and how hard it was, and he swore he would never risk putting a child through that again. He’s not sure he’d even get married again, much less have another baby. So I had to end things with him. He wouldn’t want this child, and he has no idea that I am pregnant.”
Bailey continues to frown, but her expression now is thoughtful. She twirls a strand of hair between her fingers.
“I totally understand my dad saying that,” she says. “I was too young to remember anything about the divorce, but I know it hit him really hard. I think he had a hard time in relationships for years afterwards. Maybe ever since. At the same time, though, I don’t think his thoughts on having more kids are as black and white as you think they are. He was probably just venting about the divorce more than anything. He feels comfortable around you, and probably just let it all out. I’m not sure there’s that much conviction behind his words.”
I shake my head.
“No, I don’t think so. Why would Rick say those things if he didn’t mean them?”
She nods before reaching for another cookie.
“Everyone says stupid things sometimes, and even though he and Angela got divorced when I was really young, things like that have long-standing repercussions. Although I’m an adult now, I think it still gets under his skin sometimes. Everyone looks back over the past with some regret, and I think that’s one of Rick’s biggest regrets.”
I nod.
“Yeah, I get it, sort of. But why would he say all that stuff about never having another child? When he said that, it almost broke my heart even though I didn’t know I was pregnant yet.”
My friend bites into her cookie slowly, still thinking.
“I don’t know, Kara,” Bailey finally says. “You know how much my dad loves me, and how he doted on both of us when we were younger. He loves being a dad, and he’s told me that many times before. He has so much love to give, and I am sure you know that.” She smiles and squeezes my hand with encouragement. “You know how some people say they’re not looking for a relationship, but then when the right person comes along, boom! They’re married? Well, I think Rick might change his mind if the right girl came along.”