I knew he’d be the first up, if he ever even closed his eyes.
My footsteps give me away and he glances over, a wretched smile on his lips.
I pull my sleeves over my hands and blow into my palms, moving to stand beside him. We both stare out at the early morning city below.
“How many times have you asked yourself if he really did it?” My question comes after a few quiet minutes. I don’t have to say what it is, he knows what I’m referring to just like I know what’s on his mind.
He has a baby girl to love and protect, even if that means protecting her from his own father.
“Too many to count.” He looks my way. “And every time I do, I feel guilty for it.”
“And then you feel angry, followed by ...”
He frowns, but admits quietly, “Unworthy. Of her.”
I clear my throat, wanting to look away, completely overtaken by the torment in his eyes, but I don’t dare. If this shit’s hard for me, must be ten times harder for him.
“Captain,” I call his name, even though he’s already focused solely on me. “Your dad, the man who saved you, who loved your biological father as a brother, like you do yours...” I trail off and his hand shoots out to grip mine on the railing, the corner of his eyes tightening. “He did not rape my mother. He is not a rapist.”
His grip on my fingers tightens, and he starts to shake a little, so I step closer.
“Rolland was good to me, too,” I whisper. “The only one that ever was, to be honest. He was the first person I ever felt any kindness from, I remember that clearly. The knife? He gave it to me because he said he wanted me to be able to protect myself. I was just some kid he didn’t know and had no tie to, and he wanted me to be safe.” He tries to fight it off, but he can’t, and his frown grows a little glossy.
“If he wanted that for me, some random kid in a beat-up trailer, imagine what he would do to protect his own grandbaby, pac man?” I whisper. “I’d bet he’d die for her.”
He pulls his lips between his teeth, nodding as he takes his eyes from mine. A deep, ragged breath leaves him, and his head falls back, a heavy chuckle escaping him. In the next second, he yanks me against him, hugging me tight.
I let him hold on until he’s ready to let go, but even when he does he only pulls back a bit.
“Raven—”
“Don’t,” I cut him off. “Don’t thank me. You deserve to know all that. He’s your dad, Cap, and that’s your daughter.”
He sighs. “My mind, it’s been fucking with me lately. I knew something was coming, I get that nagging in my gut right before it does, every damn time. I didn’t know what I’d have to do. I love my brothers, and I love my father, but if he was guilty of what they said, I ...” He trails off taking a deep breath. “Zoey is everything to me, Raven. I’d—”
“Stop. You don’t have to say it.”
He nods. “I know they’d stand with me, whatever I needed, they’d do it beside me without question, it’s who they are, who we are as a unit, but I’d hate to of had to be the reason they lost our dad a second time.”
“Yeah, well,” I try and make light of things. “My mom sent your dad to prison for eleven years, Cap, and look where I’m standing right now.”
The corner of his lips tip up, some light coming back in his blue-green eyes. “Yeah, pretty sure it could have been you yourself who did, and you’d still be standing here.”
I widen my eyes teasingly, happy we’re back in territory I’m comfortable with. “Because I’m awesome.”
He gives me a playful shove. “Yeah, Raven, you kinda are.” His eyes fall another minute before coming back to mine, a newfound softness to them he’s yet to show. “I heard about your little run-in with her, that’s how we knew you were still ours.”
I look away with a shrug, doing my best to keep my emotions in check.
“Raven.”
“I said stop. It’s not a big deal.”
“Oh, it is a big deal, but fine. I’ll stop.” He laughs, searching out my eyes again. A heavy exhale leaving him. “We weren’t ready for you, Raven Carver. We weren’t fucking ready.”
I shift my frown to the city below again, dismissing his words. “Wanna go in now? You can make me a cup of coffee in that fancy machine in there. I’m freezing, in need of caffeine, and I have no idea what to do with all those buttons.”
With a light touch to my shoulders, he turns me around to face the room.