Yet another worry.
Pausing in his cleanup efforts, the spymaster studied her face for a few seconds, then he shouted, “Make way for the Dread Queen!”
Like the sea in the old stories, the bodies shifted aside. Men stared at her with awe and admiration as she passed; a few patted her daringly on the shoulders in congratulations. To their minds, she had laid waste to their enemies in a way nobody could’ve ever predicted. Dred offered regal nods to one and all, conscious of the weight of her chains on her arms, slowing each step with the way they twined around her boots. She’d never been more aware of the burden of her role, more desperate to shake the pretense for a private hour. Her whole body ached.
The past weeks had taken their toll. She made it all the way to her quarters before a hand snagged her shoulder, spinning her around. There was only one man who dared touch her with such confident demand. Unsurprised, she faced Jael, whose beauty was only heightened when he was in a passion. Sex rendered him exquisite, but wrath suited him just as well.
By the fierce press of his fingers, he was even angrier than she’d suspected he might be. “How did you know? You never let on.”
“Not here,” she said. “Inside.”
A muscle twitched in his jaw, but he followed her and waited until she locked the door. She didn’t want anybody overhearing the conversation for a number of reasons, not least of which was, if people believed Jael was important to her, they would find reasons to hurt him. The next traitor could also use a personal attachment as leverage; she didn’t kid herself that Wills would be the last. In this place, allegiances shifted like the tide on water planets.
He said quietly, “Back there, I was ready to die so you could get away. More fool me, right, love?”
Though the man pretended he had a black hole where his heart should be, he still had feelings. And I hurt them. In a place like this, it was an odd thing to consider. But maybe it’s all that keeps me from becoming just like Grigor, Silence, and the rest. Dred walked a thin line, verging on losing herself to the role she played, until everything inside froze, and only the Dread Queen remained.
“That was . . .” Words failed her, for it had been brave, stupid, and gallant, everything she’d learned never to expect in Perdition. “Heroic. Unexpected. Don’t think I’m ungrateful, but . . . I had the situation in hand.”
He pushed out a furious sigh, raking a hand through his messy hair. That dishevelment rendered him even more appealing. “Obviously. How long have you known?”
She shook her head, disclaiming the credit. “Ike warned me yesterday. Working with Wills so closely, Ike noticed him adding extra kill switches and shutdown codes.”
The light dawned quickly in Jael’s blue eyes, attesting to his keen wit. “Which he’d only do if he wanted Queensland vulnerable.”
“Exactly. Ike has been rebuilding the Peacemaker from parts we brought back from various raids. I asked him not to demonstrate it . . . or boast when he got it up and running. At the time, I was just being cautious, but—”
“Why didn’t you tell me?” he cut in.
That was a tougher question. “Nobody knew but Ike and me. It seemed safer that way.”
Yet he only seemed taken aback. “You didn’t even tell Tam and Einar?”
“For the right offer, they might’ve turned. Not Einar, of course. Not now.” And not ever, she suspected. “And word has a way of getting out, the more people are in on a secret. I didn’t want the men talking, spreading gossip. Once Ike warned me, I knew I was right to keep it quiet. It’s best not to show how many shots you’ve yet to fire.”
Jael nodded. “And Wills was clever about hearing things he wasn’t supposed to, pretending to be mad.”
More than once, Queenslanders talked about private matters in front of Wills while he was ranting. They’d imagined he was deaf, dumb, and blind, then he’d reported what he overheard back to Dred. Probably, he carried word to Silence, too. Of all the men who had served Artan before she took over, Dred never would’ve guessed that Wills had the spine to be a spy. He always seemed so frightened . . .
“He gave us just enough information to keep my faith in him,” she said quietly. “But never enough for me to guess the truth.”
“And he didn’t seem to be lying when you read him?”
“He was always the same, a wash of confusion and fear. Did you want to interrogate me further?” she asked dryly.
Some of his outrage had faded, replaced with an enigmatic smile. “I’m good for now.”
“Glad to hear it.” Without waiting for a reply, she stripped out of her chains and set them on the floor. There, they coiled like a pile of mechanical snakes.
She rolled her shoulders and sank down on her bunk, wishing she saw light at the end of this endless tunnel. But in the bleak future, Dred glimpsed only more killing, more mayhem, until she made a fatal mistake, or until her own people decided they’d had enough and wanted a new legend to admire. Then somebody would poison her food or jam a shiv in her spine.
I ought to be happy now, or at least relieved. But there’s no room for hope in here. The nightmare never ends.
“Now there’s a dire look,” Jael observed.
Tentative, he perched beside her, as if wondering whether he ought to leave. For the first time since she’d taken on this role, she didn’t prefer to spend her private time alone, however. Dred set a hand on his thigh; and he responded by winding an arm around her shoulders. It felt, oddly, more intimate than sex. That was a physiological reaction, but this? Something else. She was afraid to name it for fear the exotic emotion would hiss and vanish in the light.
“I’m just reflecting on how pointless it all is.”
To her astonishment, he leaned in and kissed her. She’d touched him, worked him to a quick conclusion, had sleepy sex with him, then, much later, ridden him until they were both satisfactorily exhausted. But this was a different sort of kiss, less about lips and tongues and more about everything else. There was a raw honesty to it, an emotional hunger that he hadn’t offered before. Her stony heart cracked.
He broke away and leaned his brow against hers. “The thing is, love, you’re looking at this wrong. You’re imagining a life in here.”
“What else is there?” she asked.
Jael brushed another kiss over the corner of her lips. “The whole universe.”
It was so ridiculous, she laughed. “Let me know when the shuttle arrives. I could do with a vacation.”