The dorm suite is more extravagant and beautiful than I expected for a school. Then again, we did have to get the deluxe considering there are five of us. It has four bedrooms... my twin and I share a room and then my other three friends have their own room. There is one bathroom on each side of the hall and we share a common area and a kitchen. It’s heaven. Turning, I finish unpacking my clothes and put them away, which should have been done a couple of weeks ago when I got here, but I was too busy being a tourist before school started. I turn and note that my sister has already put hers up... it usually takes me longer than her to do these things. She came and immediately started getting settled in. Me, I wanted to partake in the atmosphere of all these people first. Now, here I stand in the quad knowing that as soon as I go upstairs I'm going to begin obsessing about my appointment with the clinic tomorrow. When I decided I wanted to go to college, I never dreamed I would have to even consider being a surrogate for someone and spending the first year pregnant in order to pay for it. But once my friends and I weighed our options, we knew we had no choice and thus, the beginning is tomorrow.
“Lera, are you home?”
“In here,” I yell to my sister as I put my suitcase away.
“Hey. Are you ok?” she asks, concern stretching her forehead. As twins, even fraternal, we have that connection where we can feel each other's emotions.
“I’m just nervous, you know. I mean this is all so crazy. What are we even doing?” I ask her, extending my arms, doubt taking the place of the desire to do something special with my life.
“We are trying to change our lives, Kalera. Trust me, I know how nuts this is. I say it to myself over and over multiple times a day, but what choice do we have?” I know she is right. It is just all so surreal.
“Yeah. I know. I just can't help thinking about the look on mom and dad's face when we told them we were leaving and walked out the door. Do you think they will ever talk to us again?” My parents never had any ambition other than to do what their parents and grandparents before them did. They expected the same from Tori and me.
“I don’t know, sis. Maybe one day. I hope.” Her face becomes sad like mine. I need to change the subject.
“Plus, it’s just the initial appointment. Once I get that over with I think it will be fine.” I am totally trying to convince myself and get our minds off our parents.
“When is your appointment?”
“Tomorrow, right before orientation.”
“Do you want me to come with you?” I love my sister.
“No. It’s ok. I know you wanted to check out the extracurriculars. I will be ok.” I tell her even though I really want her there.
“Are you sure?”
“I am positive! Go have fun! Plus, I’m sure it will only be like an hour.”
“If you are sure. If you change your mind tell me. I love you. I am going to go to the library and check out the reading list. See you back here for lunch.” I feel like she’s lying, but now isn’t the time to call her out on it. She leans over and hugs me. Once she is out the door, I can't help but envy her. She has always been the outgoing one of the two of us. She is feisty, opinionated, and ballsy in a way I will never be. I have always been meek, quiet, accommodating, and too sweet. She has always fought my battles. Now is the time for me to learn to stand on my own two feet. I still have to ask myself if I am completely out of my mind though.Chapter TwoStefanoI have no idea how long I have been sitting at my desk looking out the window, nursing this glass. I have had more drinks in the past week than I have had all month after deciding to go through this surrogacy. I still think I am losing my damn mind. I chuckle thinking about how my mom would be pissed if she knew this was something I was even considering. God, I miss them.
See, my parents are the reason I decided not to get married. Their love and devotion to one another is something that can’t be replicated. My father was forty years old, running his own empire, when he met my mother standing in line at an airport. She was twenty years old, the first time going somewhere that wasn’t with her parents and he said he could sense the curiosity, trepidation, and excitement wafting from her two lines over. He described an angel, beaming in a sea of movement, lighting his way to her, stopping all force from moving until he made it to her. My mom laughed the first time he told me this story. She said when he introduced himself to her, he simply said, “wherever that plane ticket is for you won’t be needing it.” That’s it. That is the beginning of them. They both always twinkled when they were together and looked bereft when they were apart, even if it was just long enough for him to go to work.