She told herself as she lay in bed at night, unable to sleep, that she missed a man's touch, the feel of his body. She definitely missed Andy. He'd been nothing like Jake, so different it was nearly impossible to find any common ground with the two of them.
Andy had been fun loving and uncomplicated. He didn't harbor obviously painful secrets. There was no intrigue about Andy at all. He was exactly what you saw--open and honest and ready to help anyone. Not closed off emotionally, as Jake was. He trusted people, and always thought the best of everyone. Jake trusted no one and expected people to double-cross him at every turn. Andy had boyish good looks and charm, where Jake was all hard edges, a brooding, dangerous man who exuded sex from every pore, a man in every sense of the word.
Jake rarely smiled, he barked orders and he was so protective the children could barely move without bodyguards getting under their feet. She doubted if Andy would have noticed danger even if it hit him in the face, let alone simply imagined it or suspected something or someone was out to hurt them. Andy took it as his right that she would cook and bake and do all the little things she loved doing for him, where Jake always seemed shocked and even a little wary of any kindnesses done for him. He noticed everything she did, and often didn't seem to know what to say or do in return--but he noticed.
Jake's hand wrapped around the nape of her neck. "You've gone away again, Emma. You've been doing that a lot lately."
She managed a quick, reassuring smile. "I know you've got work to do this evening, Jake. You always do. But I made you a cake. I thought after dinner you could do the birthday thing with the kids. They'll make a terrible mess, but they'll love it."
She couldn't keep the anxiety from her upturned face. She shouldn't have told the children they were going to have a birthday party with him, but she'd been planning his surprise for days and they'd seen the preparations. She held her breath.
"Emma, do I let you and the children down often?"
She hesitated, unsure how to reply. He did everything for her and for the children. "Of course not, Jake. You take care of everything." That at least was honest.
He moved closer to her, trying to surround her shivering body with heat as they stood together just outside the kitchen. "I'm not talking about things like that. You have a look on your face, like you think I might ignore the party you planned. Do I do that? Not be there for you and the kids emotionally? I don't mean to. If something is important, you need to let me know. I'm not very good at the family thing. I don't really know what I'm doing half the time, so I follow your lead."
Emma took a breath and let it out, suddenly wanting to cry for him. He could do that in one heartbeat, with one revelation of his past, make her feel his vulnerability, his absolute, single-minded resolve to learn how to live in a family. She hated hurting Jake. He really did try with them, and maybe it was only with them, but every evening he was home, he tucked the kids in their beds and definitely seemed to enjoy the family dinners. He just wasn't home often. He always asked about the children when he called, always wanted every detail, but he didn't participate that much in actual hands-on parenting.
"Emma." He said her name quietly, his hand on the doorknob. "If blowing out candles and watching Kyle and Andraya make a mess is important to you, or to them, then of course I'll be there."
"Thanks, Jake," Emma said. "I think Kyle and Andraya will have fun."
Jake opened the door and allowed her through. "You'd better grab a hot shower. Susan can watch the little ones while you get cleaned up. I do have some work to do in my office before dinner, but if I get tied up, just come get me."
Emma glanced at her watch. "I've got a telephone repairman coming any minute, Jake, and we needed to fix the phones in your office as well. I'm sorry, I didn't think you were going to be home until this evening."
"What's wrong with the phones?"
Emma frowned. "I don't know. There's an echo I don't like. Joshua thought the squirrels might have chewed on the lines, so I'm having everything checked, starting in the house and working backward. He shouldn't be in your office long. I'll get him out as soon as possible."
"Have Joshua do a security sweep as soon as he leaves," Jake cautioned. "And have him stay with the man at all times."
She stuck her chin in the air. "I'll stay with him at all times. I'm perfectly capable of looking after the house."
"Joshua isn't looking after the house," Jake snapped, his eyebrows drawing together. "He's looking after you."
"We've had this conversation a million times, Jake. I'm not two. I don't need looking after. It's my job, not Joshua's."
Jake opened his mouth and closed it. She had the most sexy, stubborn look on her face he'd ever seen. His body reacted with a hot flair of need, a need to conquer, a drive to change that look to submission, compliance, hunger even. Few people ever argued with him or stood up to him, but Emma had no problem at all giving him her opinion.
He tasted her in his mouth. His body ached. He pushed a towel into her hands. "If you get any strange vibes, call me or Joshua immediately." He stepped away from her, frowned and turned back. "And I want Josh in the house. That's nonnegotiable."
Emma drew herself up to her full height. "Absolutely not. I take care of the house, not Joshua. If I don't like something, I'll let you know."
A hint of a smile flickered across his face. She had the little bite in her voice he loved to hear. It didn't matter how often he offered to rehire a cook or a nanny, she refused and he was grateful. He had come to enjoy the way she ran the house, the scent of cookies and freshly baked bread in his kitchen and the sound of laughter echoing often through the halls. She considered the house her domain and she guarded it jealously.
"Joshua stays in the house, Emma. You're too trusting." Emma made a face at him, shivering, her teeth chattering as she reached for another kitchen towel. "I am not. Just because I like people doesn't mean I'm trusting. I'm well aware you're worried about Kyle's and Andraya's safety. I agree totally with you that they should have bodyguards. I've never once objected to that."
Jake walked back to her, his body crowding hers until she could feel his heat. She backed up until her bottom hit the edge of the table and she had to stop abruptly. Jake took the towels from her as he deftly removed her barrette with the other hand and slipped it into his pocket where so many others had disappeared before it. Emma found it impossible not to notice the way his muscles rippled beneath his soaked shirt, how wide his shoulders were and how strong his arms seemed.
Her body reacted again, blood surging hotly, something wild inside of her reaching for him. She breathed away the need, her breasts rising and falling, aching to be touched, her nipples tightening into hard peaks she was desperate to hide. He began to rub at the silky strands of wet hair in an attempt to dry them. His arm brushed her breast and her womb clenched and pulsed. She caught her breath and counted in her head, trying to think of anything but how his waist tapered into his narrow hips and how the front of his jeans had an impressive bulge.
For a moment, just one moment, an image rose in her head: Jake's strong hands on her shoulders, pushing slightly until she obeyed his silent command and she was kneeling, reaching for him, wanting the familiar shape and texture of him, already anticipating his masculine taste and the way he'd make her feel, as if only she could bring him exquisite ecstasy. She'd love looking up at him, meeting his eyes while she took control, driving him past all sanity until he was truly h
elpless under her erotic onslaught.
Her breath caught in her throat and her heart slammed hard inside her chest. She'd been a virgin when she'd married Andrew. They'd only been married five short months when the accident happened. She didn't know the first thing about sex, not sex like the images in her head. Her attempts to please him had been funny and not very successful.
"Hey." Jake tugged at her hair. "Are you listening to me?"
Had he been talking? Color rushed into her face. "Only when you make sense."
Jake tugged a little harder on her hair until he tilted her head back, forcing her to look into his eyes. "Don't ignore me when I'm talking about safety, Emma. You can object to having someone in the house with you, but sadly, honey, when it comes to your safety, I get the last word whether you like it or not." He dropped a kiss on the tip of her nose and left the towel draped over her head. "I don't want Susan to be a problem for you. If she causes you more work, or any trouble . . ."
"She won't. She's watching the children for me. She's very good with them."
Jake inclined his head. "I'm heading for the shower. I suggest you do the same. If you feel like conserving water, you can shower with me."
Shower with him? Had he actually said that, or was her imagination running wild? What in the world was wrong with her? Emma stood speechless, the idea of being naked in a shower with Jake sending her already hot blood erupting into a fiery conflagration she could barely comprehend. She needed a shower, all right. An icy-cold one would be best.
Dragging the towel from her head, she took the back staircase, wanting to avoid Susan and the children until she was cleaned up and centered once again. Jake had managed to rattle her when she was already feeling so moody. She sighed, stripping off wet clothes and flinging them into the laundry basket before stepping under the spray. She was simply missing being close to a man. It had been two years. Maybe Jake was right and she was hiding away on the ranch, rarely venturing out other than to buy groceries and things for the children. Jake took care of everything for her.
She sighed. She needed to make a change. Jake had kept her safe in a little cocoon. She'd relied on him and he'd simply shouldered the burden, just as he took on everything else in his life. He barked orders but he was rarely angry, not with her and certainly not with the children. She wanted to stay where she was. She liked her life, liked cooking for Jake and some of the ranch hands, liked taking care of the children. She'd always wanted a home and she couldn't ask for a better one. She couldn't ruin it by having an affair with Jake. And if she was ever stupid enough to give Jake control over her . . . She shuddered at the thought. Jake could take full advantage.