She drew her legs under her and made herself very small as she pressed Lucia’s name and watched her lifeline video call the one person who she knew loved her unconditionally—who loved her generously. When Lucia’s face came up on the screen, Nicoletta saw her through a haze of tears. She reached out to touch her face.
“You’re so beautiful, Lucia. I can’t tell you how much I love you and Amo. I’m so sorry for all of this. I hate being away from you. I hate it so much.”
“Nicoletta, baby, why are you crying? Tell me what’s wrong. I can have Stefano bring me to you right now, or you to me. Are you hurt?”
Nicoletta could hear the true anxiety in Lucia’s voice. It was never about herself, always about the other person. That was Lucia. She cared deeply about her friends and family. Nicoletta had learned so much from her in such a short time and wanted to be like her. She wanted so much more time with her.
“I’m not hurt. Taviano was with me. He took great care to make certain all of us were safe. Pia, Bianca and Clariss are with his cousins in LA. I think the Ferraros flew in their parents to make certain they were safe as well. I just don’t like being away from you.”
“Is Stefano bringing you here?”
Nicoletta cleared her throat. “There was a little complication, Lucia. I don’t really understand it, but Taviano insisted that we needed to do it, and I went along with it. Now, I think I was just scared and maybe I don’t know …” She trailed off, and a fresh batch of tears flooded her eyes and spilled over again. “I’m sorry. I don’t know why I can’t stop.”
“I’m going to have Amo call Stefano, honey. He can send a car for me. If you’re not in danger where you are, then it should be safe enough for me. Otherwise, he should have brought you here immediately.” Lucia was very firm.
Nicoletta shook her head. “Don’t do that.” She dashed at the tears running down her face. “I married him. Taviano. We’re married. I’m sorry, I wanted you there. We’re planning a big wedding here. I mean, Grace and Francesca and you are supposed to plan it, but we’re secretly married. That’s the complication. The thing is, Lucia, he doesn’t love me. I don’t know why I said yes, when I knew he didn’t love me. I shouldn’t have. I love him. I always have, you know that. I shouldn’t have said yes. I knew better. It wasn’t right. I don’t know what I’m going to do.”
She was wailing. Crying like a baby. She never did that. She wanted to run. She ran all the time now, but this time she just wanted to run the streets up and down for hours until the chaos in her head subsided and the heartache went away.
“Cuore mia, take a deep breath. Taviano Ferraro does not do anything he does not want to do. It is impossible not to love you. You are still having a difficult time learning to love yourself, so you don’t always believe others can love you. You have given Amo and me our lives back. Our hearts when they were torn out of us. You have become our heart. Stop crying, my little love. Just breathe. When was the last time you went to sleep?”
“I don’t know,” Nicoletta answered honestly. “I just want to come home to you. I want to feel safe.”
“Don’t you feel safe with Taviano? You always told me you felt safest when he was around.”
“I’m just so confused right now, Lucia. I don’t know what I’m doing. I don’t know what’s right or wrong. I feel like I put everyone I love in jeopardy, maybe the entire neighborhood. This gang has no hesitation in killing people. Men. Women. Children. They don’t care. I don’t know what to do.”
“What you do is trust in those you’ve always trusted in, Nicoletta. Nothing has changed. Taviano is still the same man. I’m still your mother. Amo is still your father. The Ferraros have always claimed you as family, and they will be even more adamant than ever. This is your neighborhood. Even Eloisa, as mean as she can be, will stand with you because you belong here. Not one single thing has changed. You put your trust in that. You put your trust in the Ferraros. In Taviano. In me and in Amo. We won’t ever let you down.”
Nicoletta wanted to hold her and hug her so hard. She had come to Lucia only three years earlier a mess, a complete mess. Lucia had loved her through the worst of times. Nicoletta knew that no matter what, Lucia would stand with her. She did trust her advice—How could she not?—but Lucia couldn’t understand about Taviano’s reasons for marrying her, and that she couldn’t reveal to her. As much as she loved Lucia, that was a Ferraro family secret, and she couldn’t share—not even with the woman she called her mother.