He had waited to claim her until he felt she was old enough. She’d been through far too much, and sexually, he knew he was demanding. He’d spoken to counselors about what to expect, and every one of them had said to go slow, to let her set the pace. That meant not to claim her until she was older, to give her time. Waiting had been difficult, especially when she’d had another man declaring he was in the running.
Taviano wasn’t certain if Nicoletta even knew Dario Bosco had made his own claim on her. Taviano had shut that down hard, telling him and his family that Nicoletta was engaged to him. That had been two years earlier and no one had said one word to her, which was a good thing. She would have ripped his head off.
“Taviano, are you going to answer me?”
“Yes, I’m just trying to figure out the best way to tell you. I keep blurting shit out and saying it all wrong. I’m not doing this well, Nicoletta.”
“I’m getting the gist of what you’re telling me.”
She might be understanding the premise, but she wasn’t understanding him and the way he felt. “If shadows are merged so they become one and the two riders decide to part ways, the one who is the actual rider forfeits his or her ability to be able to ride. He can’t go into the shadows as he once did. It’s like living a half life. That would happen to me if we decided to end our marriage.”
“And me?”
“You would forget that you ever knew me. If we had children, you would forget you had them. If others pointed them out to you, you would have no feeling toward them. In some ways that is a protection for you, but it is also a kind of hell. I would always remember you.”
She stared at him for nearly a minute in total silence. Then her long, thick lashes fluttered, calling attention to the tips and the way they curved up at the ends. “This is insane. You just said our shadows are already merged together. It doesn’t matter if we’re married or not. It happened almost immediately.”
He nodded. That was the truth. It happened the moment he was in the same room with her, that first time in New York when Stefano was there to bring justice to her three step-uncles. He’d felt the jolt of that first connection. It had hit hard, and when he’d looked at the shadow, his hand already curled through hers, he had seen that first knot forming.
The second time had happened on the plane when he’d gone to the bedroom in case she’d woken up and was frightened. The light, as dim as it had been, cast their shadows on the wall. He remembered looking up in a kind of horror to see the two shadows weaving together, as if someone were using knitting needles to intricately tie them together.
He should have talked to Stefano about it, but he’d looked down at her face, that angelic face with the lashes lying like two thick crescents on her bruised skin, and he’d known he was born to be hers. She might have still been a child, but someday she would need more than she did right at that moment, and he would have the time to shape himself into the man she would not only need but hopefully want.
“So almost from the beginning, you knew that you would have to be with me, or you would lose your ability to ride the shadows.” She gave a delicate little shudder, as if she couldn’t imagine why anyone would want to ride the shadows.
He nodded. “I knew. Each time we came in contact, our shadows merged, and the weave grew tighter. I felt it. I knew you did as well.”
“Why didn’t you stay away from me, if you knew it was happening? You came night after night, Taviano.”
“Our lives are different from others. We look as if we have freedom, but we don’t. If we can’t find the person we choose on our own to marry, the one we love, by a certain age, then a marriage is arranged, because it is necessary for a rider to produce children.”
She stared at him as if he’d grown two heads. “No one can force you to marry someone.”
“It’s done out of duty. We are born into a family that carries a heavy responsibility. Those of us who accept that responsibility will allow an arranged marriage if we can’t find a partner in the time allotted.”
“But my shadow snared yours, and you just let it. I suppose that’s kind of like an arranged marriage, isn’t it?” There was a touch of sarcasm, or maybe tears, in her voice.
He shrugged. “The point I’m making here, Nicoletta, is we’re here now, in this place. I took you into the shadows, which was strictly forbidden. I gave you a glimpse of the life we lead. I can bring you all the way in or leave you behind right now. You have to choose.”