“We all decided,” Sed said. “But it was in front of Dave, so we couldn’t very well turn her down.” Sed clamped a hand over Brian’s shoulder. “It will be fine,” he said. “And if it’s not, we’ll have a good reason to fire her without looking like a bunch of ungrateful assholes.”
“So how was your honeymoon?” Jace asked.
“It was great for the most part,” he said and brushed past them to put his overnight bag in his new bunk.
“Which part wasn’t great?” Sed asked.
“The part where a fan followed us around, took pictures of us, and sold them to Myrna’s ex-husband.”
“What?” Sed asked. “Is Myrna okay?”
Brian nodded, trying to ignore a ridiculous twinge of jealousy that snuck up on him. He knew Sed was just concerned for Myrna’s safety, but the history between him and Sed always made Brian wonder if someday Sed would try to take Myrna away from him. Most of him knew that Sed would never try anything that reprehensible, but part of him still worried that they’d fall into the old pattern of Sed sleeping with Brian’s girlfriends. Girlfriends but not wife, Brian reminded himself. Marriage was sacred to Sed. He wasn’t a guy who took such things lightly.
“I’m surprised you left her in Kansas City by herself,” Sed remarked.
“They locked up her ex again,” Brian said. “Hopefully, this time it’s permanent.”
“She’s a smart woman,” Jace said. “She can take care of herself.”
Brian nodded. He knew Jace was right, but the knowledge didn’t stop him from worrying.
“So did you get her pregnant yet?” Sed asked.
And that was yet another thing for him to worry about.
Chapter Eleven
Myrna dropped her purchases in the foyer before locking the door behind her and activating her new and elaborate alarm system. She did this not because she was afraid to be in her apartment by herself, but because she had promised her unduly concerned husband that she would always, always engage all the locks and set the alarm as soon as she arrived home.
According to her calendar, she should have started her period the day before. But she hadn’t! So considering herself officially late, she’d stopped by the pharmacy on her way home from work and picked up an early detection pregnancy kit.
She pulled the box from her sack, which also contained her usual monthly supply of tampons and sanitary napkins—she hadn’t wanted to be too optimistic—and sat on the sofa to read the instructions. Seemed easy enough. Pee on the tip, see how many lines show up after several minutes, and be consumed with joy or utter devastation, depending on your particular situation. She could do this. No problem.
In the bathroom she was careful to follow the instructions to the letter. She set the completed test on the edge of the sink and stared down at it, her heart trying to strangle her, her eyes strangely achy, and her stomach doing backflips in anticipation.
One blue line appeared, indicating that the test had worked properly.
“Come on line number two,” she said, her hands curling into fists on the cold edge of the porcelain sink as she stared down at the white stick. “Come on line number two. Come on. Come on.”
Her vision blurred with tears when no amount of coaxing made the second line appear.
She wasn’t pregnant.
She sat on the edge of the bathtub taking slow calming breaths. It will happen, she told herself. Just be patient. There’s always next month.
Or the month after that.
Or the month after that.
She wrapped her arms around her clenching stomach and leaned forward. She had to tell Brian. He would want to know, even though the news wasn’t what they’d been hoping for. She wished he was with her so she could tell him face to face. No, that wasn’t why. She wished he was with her so he could hold her in his arms and tell her everything would be okay. But he was on the road with his band. And she was here. Alone.
She scraped the failed pregnancy test into the wastebasket next to the toilet and retrieved her phone from her purse. She checked the time to make sure he wasn’t onstage and then called his number.
Trey—of all people—answered on the third ring. “Hi, Myrna. Watcha doin’?” he said in a teasing tone.
“Hi, Trey. Can I speak to Brian please?” There. She sounded perfectly normal. Not like she was dying inside.
“Oh, he’s much too busy to talk right now,” Trey told her.
“Give me the phone,” she heard Brian say in the background.
“Are you knocked up yet?” Trey asked.
Myrna’s heart shattered into a million pieces and she tried to speak, but the only sound that escaped her was a strangled sob. Hot tears streaked down her cheeks, and she sniffed loudly, gulping for air.
“Don’t cry, sweetheart,” Brian said into her ear.
“My period was late . . . and I thought maybe . . . so I took a pregnancy test.” She took a steadying breath that was anything but steadying. “It was negative.”
“We have plenty of time,” he said gently. “We’ll keep trying.”
“How am I supposed to get pregnant with you gone all the time?” She hated herself for saying it the moment the words left her lips. It wasn’t his fault that she was thirty-five and all of her eggs were dried-up, faulty husks incapable of producing the son he wanted.
“When will you be ovulating again?” he asked.
“Ten days or so.” If her stupid, ancient ovaries were even capable of ovulating.
“I’ll get on a plane and I’ll be there to take full advantage of you. I promise.”
She sighed and wiped the tears from her eyes on her suit jacket sleeve. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to snap at you. I just got my hopes up too high.” And had crashed and burned over the lack of a simple blue line.
He was silent for a long moment, and then he said, “Myrna, we have to come to terms with the idea that we may never have a baby.”
“Don’t say that,” she blurted out.
“Sweetheart, I know you don’t want to hear it and I can only think of one thing more wonderful than making a baby with you.”
She couldn’t think of anything more wonderful than holding a child she’d made with the love of her life. “There is nothing more wonderful than that.”
“There is,” he said.
“What?” If he said “playing live in front of fans,” she was going to reach through the phone and throttle him.
“Loving you for the rest of my life.”
Her eyes flooded with fresh tears, and the only response she could manage was a sniff.
“You’re my heart, Myrna. I’m sure having a baby will add to my love for you, but nothing will ever take away from it. With you in my life, I’m already blessed beyond reason, so if a baby is meant to happen for us, it will happen and if it doesn’t, we still have us. You are more than enough to make me happy.”
She nodded, so glad her husband was good at this emotional stuff.
“Myrna?”
“Yes,” she said.
“Will you love me less if I can’t give you a baby?”
“Of course not!” How could he even ask her that?
“Then quit beating yourself up.”
“Okay,” she said, a feeling of serenity washing over her. Everything would work out
for them whether they were gifted with a child or not, because they had each other. She wondered why that hadn’t occurred to her until he’d said it. “You’re the best thing that has ever happened to me, Brian. I love you.”
“I love you too. Now you better get all rested up, because in less than two weeks I’ll be back in your bed, fucking you senseless