“Millie. Emilia. But my friends call me Millie,” she said. My heart burst with warmth seeing Xavier’s kind expression, the way he made himself small for this little girl.
He could be the biggest egocentric, arrogant prick sometimes, but for this I would cut him some slack in the future. And damn, if the sight didn’t set my heart and panties aflame all over again.
A few days after the shelter visit, Xavier and I found ourselves at his dining-room table, where we went through a few interview requests as well as two advertising contracts, one for some fancy protein powder, the other for a new razor. Considering that Xavier almost always sported dark stubble, I found the choice curious, but they paid enough that Xavier would survive a thorough shave for once. It was approaching six o’clock when we were finally done.
“I need a relaxing evening and tomorrow’s no training, so how about a movie night?” Xavier asked, sounding nonchalant. There hadn’t been any cozy evenings between us since the truck bed incident.
“I’m up for it,” I said with a smile. I wanted things between Xavier and me to return to how they were before the unfortunate kiss. We were grown-ups and the kiss had been a slip in judgment, nothing more.
Xavier seemed to have forgotten all about it, after all. He had already kissed God only knew how many women since then, though I was probably the only one whose name he remembered.
“What movie do you have in mind?” I asked as I slid down from the barstool and shook out my stiff legs. This had been a long day. Most days with Xavier were, but they never felt like a chore.
“Today I thought we could go for a classic. Alien,” Xavier said, cocking an eyebrow challengingly.
“Alien?”
“Or is it too bloody for you?”
I snorted and patted his shoulder. “Bloody is right up my alley, as you should know by now.”
“Still difficult to believe there’s a woman out there who doesn’t enjoy dramas and chick-flicks.”
“I resent that name,” I muttered. “And I have enjoyed the occasional drama or chick-flick, like The Color Purple or The Devil Wears Prada, but I prefer action to sappy romance or tearjerkers.” I pulled my sweater over my head because it was simply too warm. Xavier’s eyes scanned my tank top and I resisted the urge to cover up again.
Xavier shook his head again, watching me with an expression I had trouble reading. Deciding not to bother before I ended up misinterpreting it, I grabbed a bottle of water and moved toward the sofa where I made myself comfortable.
“What’s for dinner, honey?” I piped as I threw my nylons-clad feet up on Xavier’s table.
Xavier shook his head, but the same strange expression remained on his face. “How about burgers?”
“Sure. I’m taking whatever you’re having,” I called, then turned the TV on.
Xavier, of course, didn’t order just any kind of burger. He ordered a keto-friendly burger without bread with a side of avocado fries and salad from some organic café around the corner. He came over with the low-carb non-alcoholic beer I’d grown used to when I was in his apartment. Craft beers were almost never allowed in his strict diet, much to my disappointment.
“Of the two of us, I eat like the man,” I muttered, accepting the bottle from him.
Xavier chuckled. “I need to reduce my carb intake and up my protein if I don’t want to sport a paunch soon.” He clapped the six-pack that even his shirt couldn’t hide.
I narrowed my eyes. “Yeah, you’re really getting plump around the middle.” I shook my head. “Just so you know, I’m offended on behalf of all less than perfect people on this planet.”
Xavier sat down beside me, his arm brushing mine. “First of all, my body is my capital. And second, you are perfect in your own way.”
I paused with the bottle against my mouth, my eyes darting to him. Had he really just said that? And what the hell did it mean?
Xavier was frowning at the TV as he searched for the movie. How could he just return to acting normal after saying something like that? He could go right back to screwing random girls after kissing me, so why was I even surprised?
He started the movie, and soon any kind of awkwardness was forgotten. “That’s my favorite scene!” I gushed when the first alien burst out of a chest, splattering blood everywhere.
Xavier closed his eyes with his deep rumble of laughter. “Evie, something’s seriously wrong with you.”
“What?” I said, only half offended. “You were the one who suggested we watch Alien.”
His eyes opened, full of amusement and warmth. “How many times have you watched the series?”
“The first three movies about ten times each, the others only once. They aren’t as good as the old movies if you ask me, and don’t get me started on Alien vs. Predator.”
Xavier nodded, but I wasn’t even sure he had listened to a word I’d said. His eyes lowered to my mouth, but the ringing of the doorbell spared us another misfortune. I paused the movie while Xavier headed for the door to get our food. He returned a couple of minutes later with the compostable food bags that contained equally compostable boxes with our burgers.
Only the salad was served in a plastic box, but that too was probably biodegradable to some degree. I shook my head with a small smile. Xavier handed me my box. The two meat patties were sandwiched in grilled portobello mushroom halves. “To think that I’d ever eat burgers without bread,” I murmured as I took a big bite.
Xavier had already wolfed down half of his burger, plus it was already his second burger. “Admit it, they are delicious.”
“They are,” I agreed, “but I still like bread.”
“I like bread too, but it’s full of empty carbs and doesn’t sustain the body for long.”
I fell back against the backrest and groaned. “You and Fiona could have been the dream couple if you didn’t hate each other’s guts so much.”
“I don’t hate her guts. She’s annoying. And I don’t want your sister. We don’t have anything in common except for our dietary convictions.”
I took another bite from the burger, then snatched up an avocado stick and dipped it in the spicy dip. “That’s more than many other couples do.”
Xavier frowned. “You and I have far more in common.”
He said it matter-of-factly, but it wreaked havoc on my insides.
“We do,” I agreed. “We’re like brother and sister without the bickering.”
Xavier gave me a disbelieving look.
“Okay. With more bickering.”
“I don’t see you as a sister, trust me, Evie,” Xavier muttered.
I paused with an avocado fry against my lips. It slipped to the side, smearing the corner of my mouth with dip. I stared at Xavier. Blink. Blink. He reached out and brushed the stain away and my lips in the process, then put his finger in his mouth with a look in his eyes I had never seen directed at me. Blink. Blink. Ovary-explosion-in-process.
He drew his eyes back to the TV and turned the movie back on, as if I could still focus on an alien going rampage after what just happened. Xavier didn’t share my troubles, obviously, because he leaned back against the sofa, cool as a cucumber, low-carb beer perched on his muscled stomach, and stared intently at the screen.
I put the avocado fry back into its box and took a deep gulp of cold beer, trying to make sense of his words and actions, but as usual drawing a complete blank. Deciding to play it cool and get a grip on my hormones, I relaxed against the backrest, and focused on the movie. Sometime close to the end, Xavier stretched his arms out to both sides of him as he often did, but this time the presence of his muscled biceps so close to my shoulder blades was the additional distraction I really didn’t need.
I glanced down at myself, making sure I didn’t sport a muffin top over my skirt, then shifted slightly so my legs looked leaner.
“Everything all right?” Xavier asked curiously.
“Sure,” I said, and finally accepted that no matter what position I adopted it wouldn’t make me l
ook like the size-zero models Xavier usually took to his bed.
When the closing credits rolled down the screen, I considered faking exhaustion and leaving quickly, but then Xavier spoke up.
“My mother tried to get into a women’s shelter with us when I was a kid,” he murmured.
I turned to him, caught off guard by this admission. “Because of your father?”
He had never mentioned him, but it had become apparent that the man was a dark presence in his family’s life.
Xavier nodded. I didn’t push him. It was obvious that he wasn’t going to divulge more information for now. For some reason I wanted to stroke his chin, feel the stubble there, and press a kiss to his cheek to show him I appreciated that he allowed me to see this side of him.
“Only Marc knows I’m helping shelters,” he continued in the same detached voice.
I bit my lip and touched his shoulder. “Thank you for letting me be part of this. It means a lot to me.”
He nodded, twisting his body away from the screen and toward me. His arm on the backrest shifted and his fingertips lightly grazed my bare shoulder. I wasn’t sure if he did it on purpose, but he definitely didn’t pull them away. I exhaled, shivering, my body exploding with heat under the soft touch.
Xavier leaned forward, bringing us even closer. He cupped my face, eyes locked on mine, his fingers sliding into my hair. I held my breath, and then his lips were on mine, softly, questioningly.
And I responded to his kiss, my body coming alive with a rush of adrenaline and longing. I moved closer, gripped his shirt, needing to feel his heat and strength. I’d wanted this for so long, still wanted it after that first taste on the truck bed.
Xavier’s kiss became less restrained, demanding, all-consuming.
His hands roamed my back and sides, stroking and tugging, and I had trouble keeping up, even as my own hands tore at his clothes. I had never felt like this, never longed for someone with such abandon.
Xavier’s hand slipped under my tank top, and before I could clamp up with worry, he cupped my breast through my bra. He groaned against my mouth and I kissed him even harder, trying to match his eagerness and skill. Good Lord. That man.
“This is a bad idea,” I whispered between kisses as I slid my hands under his shirt and over Xavier’s stomach, feeling the hard lines, the soft hairs. His skin constricted under my touch.
“It is,” he agreed before his mouth latched down on my throat, finding a point that I could feel right between my thighs. His fingers cupped my nipple, and he gave the smallest twirl that had me moaning wantonly into his mouth. I didn’t know my breasts were this sensitive, much less that I could make these sounds.
He pulled back and removed his shirt, and I was done for. I knew it then. His lips reclaimed my mouth and his finger my nipple. I pressed my thighs together, needing friction. His eyes flashed up to my burning face. “I want you,” he rasped.
I didn’t know how long I’d wished for those words, and they tore down my last wall, obliterated my final sliver of doubt. “Then take me,” I whispered, a thrill shooting through me.
Xavier growled against my mouth. “Upstairs.”
I nodded, half delirious with want, half terrified. Xavier pulled me to my feet and kissed me again. Somehow we stumbled our way upstairs, kissing and touching.
The glow from downstairs was the only light source, for which I was glad when Xavier pulled my tank top over my head, leaving me in my bra. I didn’t get the chance for worry because his hands were already on my skirt, opening it quicker than I had ever managed, and then his mouth was back on mine and his fingers slipped into my panties.
Oh holy mother of goodness.
Xavier groaned deeply when his fingers glided between my folds. “Good Lord, Evie, you are so fucking wet.”
Nobody had ever touched me there. I didn’t get the chance for embarrassment, because Xavier began stroking the small nub that soon became the focus of my existence. I gasped into his mouth. He drew back to watch me and I ducked my head, my cheeks heating. My hand brushed his bulge curiously and it seemed to be the last straw, because Xavier helped me out of my skirt and nylons and backed me up toward the bed, removing my bra in the process. I fell back, and he was out of his pants and completely, breathtakingly naked before I had time to process anything.
His mouth was hot on my knee as he kissed my skin, then his fingers gripped my panties and pulled them down.
At the back of my mind, I realized I should warn him. Not just for myself, but also because maybe he would like to know. But then Xavier molded his strong body to mine for a kiss that obliterated any sane thought.
His kisses were heat and power. I could hardly keep up. His hands roamed my sides and back until he cupped my ass and squeezed, his fingers deliciously close to where I ached. I gasped into his mouth.
He sat back, reached for something. In the dim light from downstairs I made out a flat bright red wrapper. A condom.
This was really happening.
He made quick work of the condom package, ripping it open with a tug of teeth. With practiced ease, he rolled it down his erection; he was long and thick, good God.
Tomorrow morning I’d be just another girl he’d banged. Another notch on his belt. I’d watched him kick one woman after the other out of his bed. The only difference was that tomorrow morning, no assistant would be waiting to write down my number, only to delete it moments later.
Xavier.
My undoing.
He climbed back on top of me, muscles flexing, expression hungry and eager like that of a famished wolf. His weight felt perfect on top of me, like it was meant to be.
But this meant nothing to him. One fuck like thousands before. In and out. Then he moved on.
“I’ve wanted to do this for a very long time,” he rasped.
I caught his gaze. It was hungry, eager, possessive. What did this mean to him? I wasn’t someone he could ignore after the deed. I was his assistant. But would that even bother him? Fiona had said that his last few assistants had left exactly for that reason. He’d fucked them and then moved on. But was I even only his assistant? It hadn’t felt like that to me in the last few weeks.
He positioned himself between my thighs. All muscle and glory. That man was too gorgeous for words. He could have any girl and he knew it; he enjoyed it. Why would he want someone like me?
He supported himself on one arm, gripped my hip with his free hand, then pressed his tip against my opening. His gaze was intense, full of desire.
Evie, last chance.
The words climbed up my throat.
Xavier shifted his hips, thrusting forward, but he didn’t get very far.
My butt arched off the bed, my fingers digging into the bed linens. I squeezed my eyes shut, trying to breathe through the pain. Good God. My muscles clamped down on his erection, my body obviously very averse to taking him in.
Xavier froze. “Evie,” he whispered. Suddenly he shifted, causing a sharp pain that had me wincing. The overhead lights came on and I blinked to get accustomed to their bright glare.
I peeled my eyes open. Xavier was propped up above me, perfectly still, perfectly handsome. Almost too perfect to bear. His gaze bored into mine, searching, confused, incredulous. I’d never seen that look on his face.
“What—” he began. “Tell me this isn’t…”
His gray eyes looked almost like they were begging me. For what exactly?
He shifted slightly, and I released a pained breath. So far losing my V-card wasn’t what people made it out to be.
“Fuck,” he breathed out before he lowered himself slowly, upper arms flexing, and pressed his face into the pillow beside my head. He was still in me, but his hips weren’t pressed up against mine. He definitely wasn’t all the way in yet. Size matters. I had to agree. But right now small would have been my preferred choice. Of course, nothing about Xavier was small.
I lay unmoving beneath him, not sure what to do. He wasn’t moving either, only bre
athing harshly into the pillow beside me. I was pretty sure this wasn’t how he usually went about sex with girls. I waited a few seconds but was starting to feel awkward.
“Xavier?” I asked quietly, embarrassed.
“Hmm,” came his muffled reply. Slowly he lifted his head. “You should have told me,” he said, voice and eyes full of regret.
“Why? It’s not as if it matters.”
He smiled like I’d made a joke only he was in on. “You know it does.”
“So what,” I said quietly. “You took my virginity. It had to happen at some point.”
The words sounded almost like they were true. But my heart told a different story. Perhaps Xavier could see it, because he shook his head. “I haven’t yet. Only my tip is in. And it’s up against your barrier.” He grimaced. “That’s what I think. You are getting tighter and I’m nowhere near in so it has to be your hymen, or I don’t know… Fuck.”
Was Xavier rambling? “Oh,” I said uncertainly. “That’s a lot of pain for so little progress.”
Xavier let out a laugh. He pressed a kiss against my temple. “God, Evie, still joking in a situation like this.”
He pushed himself up on his arms, and began pulling out. I dug my fingers into his shoulders. “What are you doing?” I asked incredulously. I hadn’t come this far to have him backpedal.
He gave me a look like I’d lost my freaking mind. “I’m not going to go any farther. I’m not the guy that should pop your cherry.”
I hated that wording. I tightened my hold. “Don’t you dare stop now,” I said fiercely. He frowned at me.
“You’re already inside of me. What does a couple more inches matter?”
“More than a couple inches. You saw me naked,” he said cockily.
I snorted.
Then he became serious again, his voice low and compelling. “Evie, you can’t want this.”
Anger surged through me. “You mean you don’t want this now that you’ve turned on the light and can see all of me.” My lower lip began to tremble. To tremble. I wanted to slap myself.
Xavier looked like he had no clue what the fuck I was talking about. “Don’t be ridiculous.”