But I can't deny that a deep sense of loss fills me when I step foot outside his apartment.
The thought of never being with him again... never listening to that deep, melodic voice of his, telling me about his time in Siberia where his former pakhan trained him to be the man he is today... never hearing him read, or call me his angel... never having him lift me on his lap and tell me how beautiful I am, and how one day when this is all over, he will show me how much I mean to him... never having him kiss me, or dominate me in that way of his... never making sweet love to him again. If I leave, I leave all of that behind.
I swallow hard and think about my purpose. I am the one who knows about my father's American dealings.
I give up what I had with Maksym, because it never meant anything anyway. We've built a relationship on a house of cards, and one gust of wind will send it all crashing to the ground.
I have to tell myself why I'm leaving, because it is the only way I can gather the courage I'll need.
Still... when the elevator opens and he doesn't come for me, a lump rises in my throat.
I know even now, if he came for me, even if it meant terrible punishment at his hands, that a part of me would welcome that.
And that cannot be.
I'm worth more than being his prisoner, under the thumb of a stern, sexy as fuck, possessive lover like him. I shouldn’t do this. I should talk to him. We’ve shared… something special. Unorthodox, but special.
But he’s dangerous. He can’t love me. I’ve been feasting on the scraps from his table like a starving animal.
No more.
I deserve more than what he can give me. I deserve so much more.
An even though it kills me… it absolutely kills me… I have to be strong.
I need to leave this place. Before my father’s men get me. Before Maksym returns.
Before I lose any more of myself to a man who will never love me.
I'm crying freely when the elevator door shuts, and when it opens, the heavens align with my purpose.
Larissa stands on the other side, her eyes wide in surprise.
I'm swiping furiously at my tears, but my voice is strong and certain, though hushed for fear of being overheard, when I speak to her.
"Larissa, I need your help."
She looks to both sides, then steps on the elevator and wordlessly pushes the button to go down.
“Be quiet,” she says under her breath. “If anyone hears a thing…”
When the doors shut, I notice we’re descending to the library.
“What’s going on?” she asks, still keeping her voice low.
“I have to get out of here,” I tell her.
“Not good enough,” she responds tightly, eyes still fixed on the doors. “I’m in so much fucking trouble if I do anything you better tell me more than that. Did he hurt you?”
Did he hurt me? Fuck yes, he hurt me, but she’s not talking about playing with me then discarding me like I’m some sort of object. She means physically.
I squirm. He has, but…
I have to lie. I can hardly look at her. “Of course he has,” I whisper. “I’ve been his captive. You don’t know this? Didn’t you know he was going to take me?”
The way she quickly looks away is incriminating enough. My heart sinks. She did know. Fuck. I inhale deeply. I’ll have to use this to my advantage.
“Didn’t you know what he would do to me?” I ask, probing. Pushing.
Swallowing hard, she still won’t look at me.
“Larissa,” I plead. “You have to help me escape.”Chapter 17Maksym
“They're on their way now," Demyan says.
As soon as he called me, I answered.
"Tell me everything."
"Yuri and his men," he said. I left with my gun drawn, ready to defend Olena. Our brotherhood. I shut the door behind me, telling myself I would come back to her and explain everything, but the matter was urgent.
Yuri and the fucking Thieves have been with their American brotherhood and their trafficking ring, until last night. It seems implausible that he didn't know his daughter was missing, and that her guards had been killed, unless my theory that one of our brotherhood is in his inner circle is true.
Someone hid the truth, for whatever reason they had. Lost the video. Made sure Yuri didn't know what happened.
"I have it on good authority that he's on his way here, now, and Maksym he's not fucking coming alone."
Jesus. He's minutes out then.
"Whose good authority?"
"Nicolai."
Nicolai is the best spy we have, recruited last year by Demyan.
"Nicolai says they're on their way here now. What else does he say?"
"He's bringing the fucking brigade."
Jesus.
I need to get back upstairs to her, but if I'm not here when they come—