The woodsy, masculine, powerful scent of him... the feel of his powerfully muscled body, even the command of his hand, the smack of his vicious palm on my ass. The first spank both shocked and humiliated me. The second broke me open. The third lit a fire. By the time he was finished, my whole body was aflame, exhilarated.
My breasts tingle with awareness and feel weirdly heavier, and there's an aching need between my thighs that yearns for pressure and release.
I don't understand it. I don't understand anything.
He doesn't even know what I said to Eric, before we left. The text I sent him in the car.
The one thing that gives me comfort is the knowledge that he isn't immune to this. To any of this. I saw the way he swallowed hard with me pressed up against him. The way he growled, low and deep, and hungry, when he lifted my dress. The way his eyes drink me in like he's dying of thirst and I'm his salvation.
Maybe my feelings for him aren't one-sided like I thought, and it's the one hope that brings me comfort.
He doesn't want to hurt me. I know that now. He isn't one of the bad guys.
He can't be.
I quickly use the bathroom and splash some water on my face. I pull my shoulders back and steel myself.
I don't know why we're here or what he's planned, but he's the man I've trusted to protect me for years.
And I need to trust him now.
This growing... something between us... can't be. We both know this.
My father holds the keys to Nicolai's future. There is no escape from Bratva life, only promotion, earned in ways I choose to ignore.
I'm suddenly so tired, my eyes feel too heavy to keep open. I exit the bathroom to see he's folded down the sheets on the bed, and my heart does a funny little dance in my chest.
And aw, hell.
He's stripped to his t-shirt, the crinkled fabric that worked as my makeshift gag stretched across the muscled planes of his perfect body.
"Sleep," he orders, pointing to the bed, and a lump rises in my throat. I don't want to sleep. I want to crawl up on his lap and wrap my arms around his neck and burrow deep into that strong, powerful chest of his.
And I want to kiss him so badly my mouth goes dry at the very thought. Just one kiss, and I can rest.
"Where are you going to sleep?" I ask, not bothering to mask the concern in my voice.
He shrugs a shoulder. "You let me worry about me." His voice hardens. "Get in bed."
"Nicolai, you can't just—"
He anchors his hands on his hips and raises one stern, formidable brow. My heartbeat races in my chest and my knees feel a little wobbly. "Excuse me?"
Okay, yeah, the spanking he gave me clearly had an effect on me, for even though he's lectured me before, this time is different. This time, my ass still throbs from the punishment I suffered at his hand. This time, instinct kicks in.
My heart still hammering in my chest in warning, I quickly move to obey. I swear a corner of his lips quirks up, but when I look in surprise at him to confirm my suspicion, he's only stern once more.
"Should I... um... I have nothing to wear..." I kinda do want to strip. I want to affect that chiseled, statuesque face of his. I want to break down his resolve.
Tempt him, as it were.
I climb between the sheets in my clothes. Gross.
"Sleep in your dress for now," he says. "If we need to move quickly, I want you fully clothed." But his voice is weirdly choked. I look at him in confusion, then pull the blankets up. It feels weird, not being in my pajamas or even brushing my teeth, but I'm so tired, even this dismal excuse for a mattress makes me yawn widely. His biceps bulge when he crosses his arms on his chest. Just watching that fabric stretch over his skin, and the tattoos that snake up and down both arms…
"Are you just going to stand there all night? Standing sentry by my bedside?" I ask, pretending the mere sight of him doesn't turn me on.
He grunts in reply and crosses his arms on his chest.
"Nicolai," I say softly. Pleading, even. "It's okay to sleep on the other side of the bed. I... I won't move or touch you or anything." As I stammer, I feel heat suffusing my cheeks again.
"Go to sleep, Marissa," he says in a clipped, stern tone. I close my mouth and watch as he checks the window, then prowls the room, making sure we're safe. That no one's come to accost us or take us by surprise.
Despite the fact that my body's on fire and my mind spirals from one thing to the next in random, haphazard swirls and loops, I'm tired.