“Oh, ew,” I mutter. “Just what I need, my cousins snogging. You two get out.”
With a grin, Nolan predictably ignores me, pushing Sheena against the back of the couch and kissing her, hard.
“You need my place, then? Sure,” I tell him. “I’ll just leave you two alone and go sleep in the library.”
I turn as if to go, but Nolan catches me on the back of the head with a pillow he tosses at me.
“Why do you have your knickers all in a wad?” Nolan says. “Not like you being so uptight.”
I wonder if he’s onto something, if it’s that obvious.
He’s right. I’m the jovial one. I’m the one that cracks the jokes, keeps them laughing, always cheerful and enthusiastic.
I stifle a sigh.
But not tonight. Not when everyone else is happily married and content, and my thirtieth birthday looms ahead of me like the sharpened blade of an executioner.
It’s old fashioned, I know, and maybe even superstitious to think it’s bad luck to be single at 30. But I’ve disavowed the shackles of married life for my own protection.
“It’s nothing,” I tell Nolan. “You two need to get home. Maeve will be ready to dress you before the sun rises, Sheena, and there’s a full day ahead of you.”
“Aye,” Nolan says. “She’s right.”
He stands, takes Sheena’s hand, and tugs her along. “Time for us to get some rest, so we’re ready for tomorrow.” They head to the door, and he calls over his shoulder, “Oh, Megan. Change of plans. Tully, the damn eejit, can’t make it to the ceremony.”
I look at him in surprise. It’s Clan law that all men of the Clan attend the wedding of a member.
“Why not?” I ask. “Keenan will lose his mind.”
The Clan Chief doesn’t abide law breaking easily.
Nolan shakes his head. “Ah, well, this time it’s unavoidable. Seems he’s got something wrong with his appendix. Spent the night at the hospital, and they did surgery and all that.”
I wince. “Ah, well, I suppose even Keenan will allow for that, then.”
Nolan smiles grimly. “Aye. So tomorrow during the ceremony, you’ll walk down the aisle with Carson.” He opens the door. “It’ll work out better anyway, I think. Night, cousin. See you in the morning.”
I don’t know how long I stand in the doorway, but when I whisper, “Good night,” they’re long gone.
I don’t go back inside to bed, though. I go in and get my bag, then walk downstairs. The house is quiet. Everyone else was smart enough to get to bed early for the big wedding tomorrow, but not me. Jesus, not me.
I’ll have to walk down the aisle tomorrow with the very man who’s been at the forefront of my mind now for so long I don’t remember. At first, I told myself it was because I was friends with Eve, that he was on my mind because I knew him through Eve. Eve and I went to school together, both studying nursing. And when I found out she was dating Carson, and she was hooked in the Clan like I was, a friendship with her was natural.
She was funny and sweet, intelligent and kind. So easy to like. A pang hits my heart and I swallow the lump in my throat. I close my eyes as a wave of grief hits me. I hate that her death was so senseless.
After her death, I reached out to Carson, but he was too buried in his own grief. Still, I tried. I told myself it wasn’t because I was attracted to him or that I was hoping to fill the void Eve left with her death. But there’s something about a single dad that pulls my heartstrings like nothing else.
I couldn’t stop the niggling fears, that I was wandering into territory where I shouldn’t be, and it frankly hurt how detached Carson was. I’m honestly not even sure he knows who I am or what my name is, he’s that in his own world.
It’s understandable, though. I’m the one that melds into the crowd. There’s nothing remarkable about a girl like me.
So I stopped calling. I stopped visiting. I stopped asking questions.
And now, tomorrow, I have to walk down the aisle of Holy Family holding onto Carson. Beautiful, rugged, brilliant, tortured Carson.
Sigh.
But tonight… no, tonight, I have to see, just one more time.
If I tried to take my car out, someone would see. We have twenty-four-hour surveillance by the security gate, as well as guards inside monitoring security cameras.
I can move quicker on foot. It’ll take me a little longer that way, but I’m grateful for the extra time to think, to process. To clear my head of the alcohol I had tonight.
I stop quickly at the garden and make a small bouquet of flowers. Aunt Maeve loves when we take fresh flowers from her garden and would approve of me taking them where I’m going tonight.