I wish I didn’t have to go. I wish I could stay here with Megan. I wish I didn’t have to do the job I must.
I wish I didn’t have to live two lives, this duplicitous existence.
“I’m sorry,” she says, likely blaming herself for my sudden change in mood.
“Don’t be,” I tell her, but I can’t keep the bitter tone of regret out of my voice.
We change in silence, and she pulls her clothes on from the night before. She looks ashamed, bowing her head as she bends to pull on one of her heels. She doesn’t look like she did the night before, though, her clothing rumpled.
“Damn, I look a sight,” she mutters. “Hope I don’t see any of the girls when I go back.”
“You look lovely,” I tell her. I pull on a pair of jeans, and she watches as I drag a t-shirt over my head.
She whimpers a little. “I can’t believe you’ve been sitting right under my nose,” she murmurs to herself. “Bloody hell.”
I look down at myself, as if my t-shirt and jeans will tell me what the hell she means. I look at her quizzically, and she rolls her eyes.
“Of course you have no idea, do you?” She shakes her head. “No idea.”
She’s right, I have no idea what she’s talking about.
She shakes her head again. “Doesn’t matter. We…” her voice trails off.
I’m not letting her go. I’m not going to chalk this up to a one-night stand, then have to sit beside this woman in the dining room, walk beside her in the garden, live beside her in my home here by the cliffs, and pretend what we had last night wasn’t utter fucking perfection.
I pull out my cell phone and hand it to her. “Put your number in there,” I tell her.
This is not fucking over.
She takes the phone and nods, punches her number in, and saves it.
“Give me your phone.” I reach my hand out to her, and put my own number in but for safety’s sake, don’t put my own name in. I give her a smile while I type my name.
Sir.
She takes the phone back, looks at the screen, and smiles.
“I’ll text you instructions throughout the day,” I tell her. “Understood?”
“Aye,” she says. “Yes.”
I have to go. We have to get out of here. Maeve waits for me and Breena, I have to check in with Keenan, and then… Christ, then I have a job to do.
A bloody fucking job to do. I can’t let her see. I can’t let her know.
“You’ll follow those instructions, Megan.”
She smiles at me. “Yes, sir.”Chapter 6MeganIt feels surreal, like I’m walking in some sort of dream. My body still feels the marks of his mouth, his hands, his cane. I can feel my thighs, my core, my arse… throbbing from what we did. Aching to do it again.
I tell myself I hardy know him, that this isn’t the man I’ve grown up with. He was always taken, dedicated to Eve and his little girl. I never allowed myself to think of him as anything more than a friend.,m
But now… God, now…
I watch him go to Breena and take her hand, and my chest warms at the sight. He’s a good dad to her, and I love that. I love that so much it makes my heart throb.
I consider leaving before him, or after him, or something. The men of the Clan are all over the place. Not just my cousins but the others as well. The guards, the women, they’re everywhere. Hell, I usually have a guard on me myself, but I swore them off last night because I was with my cousins and Carson.
Carson.
I’ve never seen this side of him before, and I can hardly get him out of my mind. I joked with him he was like Superman, Clark Kent hidden among us. Until now, he was someone I admired from afar. It isn’t easy to do the job he does and raise a child on his own.
We all grieved for him when Eve was killed. She was sweet and kind. She was shy and reserved, rarely came to the McCarthy home. We hardly saw her. But I see her still now, in her daughter’s wide eyes and gentle disposition.
How could a man like him be at all interested in a woman like me? Eve was everything I’m not. Tall, thin, and willowy, with short black hair in a pixie cut and pale blue eyes. She was back in her skinny jeans a week after giving birth. I’m still wearing stretchy trousers, and I’ve never had a child.
Eve was studious and diligent. She worked in education as a preschool teacher before she decided to become a nurse. Always the caretaker. How she ended up with a man from the Clan is a mystery to me. I knew she hailed from Stone City, among Ireland’s poorest.