I catch a glimpse of blond hair ahead of me, attached to a tall body, and my heart skitters to a stop. Then I blink, and it’s not him. Damn it, this needs to stop. Ever since that stupid party I haven’t been able to keep Carter out of my head. My brain replays those moments with him whenever it gets the chance, and every time I do, my body warms, that longing rising to the surface. It’s just an infatuation—my mind’s occupation with the way he made me feel.
At least that’s the way it feels during the day. At night, it’s an obsession. I’ve never masturbated as much as I have in the last few weeks, reliving the way Carter touched me. I’ve even dared to slip my fingers inside myself, trying to get that feeling again. I’ve imagined him taking me. Imagined feeling his erection inside me the same way his fingers were. Just the thought makes my body shake. I’ve come so many times but it’s not the same, and afterward, I’m left even more aroused, craving the way my body lit up under his touch. ‘Maybe fate will throw us together again.’ How could I be so stupid? I’ll probably never see him again.
But now that I’m here, on campus, I find myself looking for him everywhere, even though I’m not sure that I actually want to see him. I’m beyond mortified that I told him I was a virgin, but I’m also curious. He wasn’t put off by it. Part of me wants to know what he’d say if he saw me again, and part of me is afraid to know if it was all an act to try to get me to sleep with him.
That’s not the first time I’ve thought that I’ve seen him today, and I don’t think my heart can take much more of that. I can’t be distracted by him. Especially today. I have Cheerleading tryouts this afternoon, and if I let myself screw this up because I’m thinking about a guy, I’ll be pissed. I shut down all thoughts of him as I walk into my dorm suite.
According to some of the other team members I’ve spoken to, a lot of what we covered in the cheer camp will be used at the tryouts. That’s good for me—I’ve been practicing. I felt like I was a freshman in high school again using my family’s backyard to shout my cheers into the trees, but it got the job done. I rehearse one of the more difficult routines in my head as I change into the uniform from the camp. It’s not required, but it can’t hurt for the coach to see me in a cheer uniform already. My own little subliminal advertisement.
The outside door to the suite shuts, and Kara comes into our room. “Hey,” she says, tossing her backpack on the bed. “You ready for this?”
“I guess I have to be.”
“Don’t worry. We’ve got this.” She changes into her own uniform while I apply a little make-up. Nerves start up in my stomach again, just like this morning. Being on this team is a huge part of my plan. I’m not sure what I’ll do if I don’t make it. Or worse, if either Kara or I make it while the other doesn’t.
The whole reason we’re friends is cheerleading, and it’s how we spent most of our time together in high school. I’m not sure what our relationship would be without it, and I don’t really want to find out what that change would be like. I’ve never liked the way most cheerleaders act, but Kara is different. The fact that she treated me differently from the rest of the squad was one of the reasons we bonded. So when she asked me to join the team sophomore year, I couldn’t say no. Besides, tumbling is awesome, and I like to think I’m pretty good at it.
“How were your classes?” I ask.
“Pretty good. Just a couple Gen Eds today. English and Earth Science.”
“Ouch,” I say. “Sorry.”
Kara waves a hand. “It was fine. But I can already tell that the Earth Science prof has a stick up his butt about something.”
I giggle, tossing some extra hair ties and a sweater into my bag. “Wouldn’t ‘a rock up the butt’ be more accurate?”
She smirks. “Probably. Ready to go?”
I make sure to grab the number I’ve been assigned for the tryouts before we leave the room.
The gym is across campus from our dorm. If we do make it onto the team, we’re going to spend a lot of time walking back and forth. At least it will be good for my legs. As we get closer, I see other girls heading in the same direction. Enough to know that making the team won’t be a piece of cake—definitely a competition.
Kara and I follow the posted signs and join the other candidates—guys and girls both—warming up on mats in the gym. I see a couple of other girls from the cheer camp, though they’re not wearing the uniform. We wave and smile and do that head nod thing you do when you kind of know someone but not really. On the bleachers, a bunch of girls are sitting—already on the team. I don’t know if they have any say in who gets in. I kind of hope not. Convincing one person to let you on a team is one thing. Convincing nine is entirely different.
“Are you nervous?” Kara asks, leaning to the side and grabbing one of her feet in a stretch.
“Yes.” I flex my fingers out and bring them into fists before I start warming up my split.
She rolls her eyes. “You shouldn’t be. You’re the best tumbler I know.”
“Yeah, but this is college. Everyone trying out was probably the best tumbler.”
“I doubt it.” Her eyes are fierce. “You’re going to be great, April. Say it.”
It’s my turn to roll my eyes as I mutter it under my breath. “I’m going to be great.”
A door opens loudly at the other end of the gym, and everyone turns to look. Marian, the bitchy girl from camp and the party is walking towards us with a stack of papers and a clipboard. And then my heart stops. Because right behind her, holding his own clipboard, is Carter.
5
This is impossible. This is literally not possible. And yet there he is, approaching all of us stretching on the mats like it’s the most normal thing in the world. I’m pretty sure my mouth is hanging open. There are whispers running across the gym. People were expecting Coach Ridley to be the one walking out of that door. Not Carter. I hear more than one comment about how gorgeous he is, and I don’t disagree. My mind flashes again to the party and that heated darkness where our hips moved together, that amazing feeling of being seen and wanted and alive. I blush and duck my head, terrified of that moment when he sees me and understands what’s happening now.
Carter and Marian come to stand at the edge of mats, and everyone quiets down.
“Hey everyone, my name is Coach Carter Hale. I know most of you were expecting someone else—someone significantly older than me.” There are scattered laughs across the mats. “Coach Ridley has a family situation that took him out of state indefinitely. So, for the time being, I’m your coach.”
I laugh under my breath, shaking my head. Of course, the one person I have a crush on, the one person I actually wanted to sleep with, is the coach. The definition of off limits.
“I was on the cheer squad when I attended CGS,” Carter says, “and I graduated three years ago. The plan was for me to be an assistant coach this year. I know this is a sudden change, and I know that some of you were trying out so that you could work with Coach Ridley. So if some of you don’t want to try out anymore, I understand, and you can leave now. Just make sure to give Marian your number so we know who isn’t here.”
To my surprise, several people do get up, handing in their numbers to Marian who looks on with a smug smile. Once those people are gone from the gym, Carter smiles. “Thanks for staying. I promise, for those of you who make the team, I’ll do my best to fill Coach Ridley’s shoes. It won’t be easy, but it is something that I take seriously. Marian is going to divide you into groups and then we’ll get started.”
He’s looking around the room, making eye contact with as many people as he can, and I know it’s coming. His eyes land on me, and I see him go still with shock. His smile fades for a moment, and I give him a tight-lipped smile and a little wave. I swear the awkward in th
e air is so heavy that I can feel it on my skin. But then Carter’s face breaks out into an even bigger smile than before. It’s gorgeous and devastating and it takes my breath away. He’s smiling so wide that his eyes are crinkling at the corners, and my stomach does a little flip-flop. He’s happy to see me here, there’s nothing in his face that makes me feel otherwise. Oh. I am in so much trouble.
Everyone is standing now, and Marian is walking through the group, reading off their numbers and telling them which group they belong in. People split off into the corners, chatting with their groups. Kara is sent to group four. When Marian gets to me, her eyes flick down to the number I’ve pinned to my skirt and back up to my face. Her face turns cold. “Oh, it’s you.”
“Hi.” I try to be upbeat, friendly.
“Don’t try to play nice. I know what you’re doing.”
I shake my head. “Then you’re the only one. I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“I worked hard to get to the top of this squad,” she says, her voice quiet and furious. “You can try to make me look bad all you want, but it’s not going to get you anywhere. You’ll be off this team before I let that happen.”
“Is this because of the drink? I told you it was an accident. I was pushed.”
Marian scoffs. “Right. And you’re his girlfriend, too.” She rolls her eyes. “I know bullshit when I hear it, freshman. You’re in group two. Don’t cross me, because he’s not going to be able to protect you again.” She walks away, and I feel like I’ve been punched. How is it she’s so twisted up over a spilled drink? It was an accident. But it doesn’t look like there’s anything I’ll be able to do to make her believe that. I hope that this doesn’t affect my chances of being on the team. She’s the captain, she’s going to be judging us right along with Carter.
Kara shoots me a questioning look as I cross the gym to group two, and I send her a thumbs up to let her know I’m fine. She doesn’t need to worry about Marian being a bitch right now. There will be plenty of time for me to tell her all about it once we’re back in the privacy of our dorm room.