Anna’s gaze moves from Avery to me, her eyes sober. “You’re amazing. I’m glad we’re giving this a go.”
“Me too,” I assure her softly. Despite my fears, some lingering doubts, and, of course, waxing and waning guilt, I’m glad, too.
“Well,” Anna drawls, smiling down at Avery as she pulls her away from her breast. Anna deftly pulls her bra back into place. “I think this little monkey is all done.”
In the lamplight, I can see the baby yawn mightily. Anna pushes up from the rocker, so I do the same from my position on the floor. There’s a part of me that feels like an outsider, yet another that wants to insinuate myself deeper into this family dynamic. I’m fascinated by Anna and Avery’s bond. The way Anna nurtures her daughter and the way Avery depends upon her mother for everything.
Anna moves to the dresser, which has a thickly cushioned pad covered in a soft, pink material on top. “I’ll just give her a quick diaper change, then she should fall right back asleep.”
I’ve seen babies have their diapers changed before. In the Marine Corps, I had buds who were married with kids. Growing up, my sister was a babysitter, so we sometimes had little humans running around our house. My older cousin, Kathy, started having kids as soon as she reached adulthood, and they were always around.
And yet, I’ve never done the task myself.
As Anna lays Avery on the thick padding and starts to unzip the front of her onesie pajamas, I ask, “Can I try?”
Appearing startled, she regards me with round eyes.
“Is that weird?” I ask. “Am I overstepping my bounds?”
“God, no,” she exclaims with a laugh, shaking her head. “You just caught me by surprise. No offense to my stereotyping of you as a man, but I don’t think that’s a natural curiosity most men want to fulfill.”
Chuckling, I step in closer to her, shoulder to shoulder as we gaze down at Avery. “She’s part of you. Of course, I’m curious.”
I don’t dare look over at Anna, but I can feel her body sag slightly against me, a gentle touch of her arm against mine that indicates my sentiment touches her.
Under her direction, I manage to pull the onesie off Avery, who is thankfully sleepy with a full belly and not overly wriggly. Also, she’s a bit sturdier at five months as compared to being a newborn, so I’m not afraid of breaking her.
Mostly thankful she’s apparently only wet her diaper, so I don’t have to deal with a stink-filled pile of poop, because call me a sissy but I have no desire to do that right now.
Anna gives step-by-step instructions, even guiding my hands to Avery’s little ankles to pull her bottom up to remove the soiled diaper. I’m awkward at it, but I eventually accomplish the task. I don’t secure the tabs tight enough around her waist. The diaper is way too loose, so Anna has to fix it. For the most part, though, I feel accomplished.
“That wasn’t so hard, was it?” Anna asks.
“Ask me that next time when I change her poopy diaper,” I reply with a grimace.
Anna picks her daughter up, brings her close to her face, and brushes her lips across Avery’s fuzzy head. I step in close, peering over Anna’s shoulder while wondering what the baby thinks of me staring at her. Probably nothing as she only has eyes for her mom.
However, she gives another huge yawn, her tiny fists curling tight as Anna whispers, “Sleepy girl.”
I stay by the dresser as she moves back to the crib, bends, and then places Avery on her back. There’s no blanket in there—Anna having told me before it could be a smothering hazard at this age—which is why she dresses her in fleecy onesies and keeps the heat at a sufficient level in the apartment.
When Anna turns back to me, I hold my hand out to her. When she takes it, I lead her out of the nursery, whispering, “Let’s get you back to sleep. Not going to be long before she’s up again.”
Anna follows, her hand gripping mine tightly, but I falter when she says, “I’m not tired.”
When I start to turn to her, I’m met with her body and her mouth, hands going around my neck and fisting into my hair. My body instantly reacts, arms encircling her and meeting her kiss with hungry demand. Palming her ass, I draw her into me, knowing she can feel the evidence of my arousal.
I have a feeling we’re both going to be exhausted tomorrow, but I don’t give a flying fuck. If I could just halt time and be like this with Anna forever, I’d give up any amount of sleep.CHAPTER 20Anna“I’m really not feeling okay with this,” I say for what feels like the tenth time as Malik drives us to the restaurant to meet his family for dinner.