“Roger,” I mutter, displeased I’m physically ready to do fieldwork, but I’m being held back instead.
“And for God’s sake,” Kynan says in exasperation. “Work this shit out with Anna. That woman likes you, and she’s been through enough misery. Don’t draw it out for her. If you’re on board, make your move. If not, let her go.”
“Got it.” The words are thick and stick to my tongue, because the thought of moving on without her causes my mouth to go dry.
“Good man,” Kynan replies, clapping me on the shoulder. He pivots on his heel and leaves.
?
I stay on the firing range for another twenty minutes, not needing to improve my aim but mainly to think about what Kynan said. Logically, I can accept what he’s saying about the circumstances. Frankly, I’ll get to where he wants me to be the more I’m able to analyze it in normal circumstances.
But becoming friends with Anna and falling for her aren’t normal circumstances. I’m beginning to think maybe I’m using what happened in Syria as a means to keep Anna at arm’s length because I’m scared at how deep things have gotten so quickly.
Of course, that’s all supposition, which could probably be sorted out with a session or two with Corinne.
I head to my apartment on the fourth floor, intent on grabbing a bagel before hitting work. While Kynan may not have me in the field, he at least has me working with Ladd on planning out an operation for the New York job I had gone with him to scope out. I need to figure out a time to talk with Anna, though, because he’s right about one thing… I can’t leave her hanging.
The only problem is that I still don’t know what to do about her. I know my heart and body are saying go for it. Take Kynan’s words as solid truth—it’s not my fault her husband died—and let’s see where it goes. But my head keeps fucking things up by throwing insecurity and doubts into the fold, reminding me this is all too fucking complicated and we both could end up getting hurt.
I’m ready to risk a little pain on my part, but it would kill me if I hurt Anna somehow, even if inadvertently. Do I really want to draw her into my fucked-up complicated mess of a life right now?
I resolve to find her later to set up a time we can talk about this some more.
Pulling my keys out of my pocket, I unlock the front door and let myself in. I drop the keys on the counter as I cut right into the kitchen and reach for the refrigerator door. At the same time, I catch movement from the corner of my eye just inside my bedroom. I’m stunned to see Anna there.
She’s turned halfway, but her head is cocked as she stares at my bed.
“Anna?” I ask, trying to get her full attention.
There’s a guilty flush on her face as she slowly turns my way. “Hey.”
Ignoring the fridge, I move through the kitchen into my bedroom. “What are you doing in here? For that matter… how did you get in here?”
Not that I care she’s in here. She’s welcome in my place any time, whether I’m here or not. But my front door was locked.
She flushes again, a deep red staining her cheeks as she holds up a set of keys she has in her hands. “I have the master keys to the apartments. As Kynan’s assistant, I’m often the one who has to let people in and out for things that need to be fixed or updated.”
“That explains the how,” I reply, tilting my head. “But why?”
Glancing back at the bed, she blurts out, “I want to have sex with you.”
I’m so stunned I actually retreat two steps away from her. “What?”
Anna shakes her head, her beautiful hair flying. “No, wait. That didn’t come out right. I mean… yes, I want to have sex with you. But first, I talked to Kynan about what happened in Syria, and he explained how it all actually happened. And what you did wasn’t wrong. It was very right. You saved lives. Jimmy and Sal were horrible casualties of war, but it wasn’t your fault. And well… I just… I want you, Malik. All of you, so I stupidly thought I would come here and talk about it. But then I thought… no, he’ll be stubborn and stoic and will probably still blame himself, then he’ll take the higher road and refuse me. So, then I thought some more and figured… I’ll just get him in bed. Let nature take its course. I’d convince you in all the good ways that I don’t blame you. So I got this idea… I’d come here, get naked, and wait for you in your bed. Except… well…”