“I like you being happy,” he replies, reaching over and taking my hand. He laces his fingers with mine, and we rest our arms on the center console. “I also think it’s good your mom is coming to visit. You could use some quality downtime with her.”
“Agreed,” I answer as I watch the scenery fly by. “I’m really looking forward to it.”
My mom has been in close contact with me since we left her house almost a full week ago. She’s incredibly worried about me and my stalker situation, but she’s also hell-bent on furthering amends by inviting herself and Darren for a visit.
It’s not necessary, though—her needing to make things right with me. I know she’s sorry for what she did, but I’m also not going to keep her at arm’s length either. I’ve been longing for my relationship with her to get back to what I remember before I became a celebrity.
The only thing I don’t like is Kynan feels it’s best if they stay at a hotel rather than the house. He said this was for security reasons, and I have to trust him. Kynan explained more people in the house meant he was accountable for more than just my safety. He personally wanted to focus everything on me, and I understand this. Moreover, once he told my mom and Darren, they totally understood. Instead, I booked them a room at the Four Seasons. We’ll spend quality time together, but she and Darren will stay there at night.
“This is a nice area,” Kynan remarks as he glances out my window at the Santa Ynez mountains to the west.
“It’s called the American Riviera.”
“Is that why there are so many red-tiled roofs?”
I laugh. “I think it’s more because our climate is more in tune with the Mediterranean. But I do love it here. I thought maybe I’d be safer moving away from the Los Angeles area, but apparently not. Still, the slower pace speaks to me at this point in my life.”
“What do you mean?”
I twist slightly in my seat toward him. His fingers tighten on mine, so our hold doesn’t break. “I was just getting to a point in my career I wanted to slow down.”
“You? Slow down?” he teases.
I toss my head back and laugh, because I am a little hard to hold down at times. But when it wanes and there’s only a slight chuckle left, I explain. “I’m just tired of it all. The pace. The work. The spotlight.”
“You’re too young to retire,” he points out. That’s totally true as I’d never be able to sit still, and he knows that about me.
“I know, even though I have enough money I’d never have to work another day in my life, I guess I just want to do something that fills my well, so to speak. I want to find my joy and passion again.”
“Singing and acting doesn’t make you happy?”
I give a mirthless laugh. “Of course it does. But it’s also such a lonely career. You never really have close friends, and someone is always trying to get something out of you. I mean… look at my mom. My career became more important to her than anything.”
“Fame has a way of fucking with people,” he replies sagely. “But not you… you stayed humble and genuine.”
“Regardless, I’ve sort of got a fresh perspective now, so I’ve been thinking about it a lot more.”
“Fresh perspective? A man breaking into your house and attacking you?”
“Well that,” I reply sardonically. “But also… reuniting with you.”
I get a squeeze to my hand, and a dimple pops in the corner of his cheek as he smiles. “If you could pick one thing to do for the rest of your life, what would it be?” Kynan ever wanting to boil down to simplicities. He’s amazing at focusing in on the important things.
“Song writing,” I reply with no hesitation. “That’s where I get the most joy—writing the songs and in the music.”
“I can see that,” he says with a slow nod. “I remember when you used to come off stage in Vegas and you’d just sag into Michel’s waiting arms as the adrenaline deserted you. While I know you were great at performing and you had some fun at it, I never felt the reward was enough to overcome the stress of it all.”
“And yet I’ve managed to make a career of it,” I point out.
“So make a new career,” he says. “Like you said, it’s not like you need the money. You should write songs and be happy.”
“But what if I miss performing? Or acting?” Because it’s never simple for me. I’d always wonder if I was making a mistake by walking away at the height of my career.
“I’m pretty sure there will be a spot waiting for you if you want to go back to it,” he replies dryly, making his point. I’m letting silly things hold me back. “If you changed your career path, what are some other things you’d want to do?”