“Okay, that’s the single least romantic thing I’ve ever heard,” Lisa said. “I never liked Brock. He seemed cold.”
“That was what I liked about him,” she admitted.
“Because you didn’t have to work too hard?”
“Because I did all the work.” She looked to her sister and wished she hadn’t given in to the impulse to talk about her private life. But wasn’t that what her therapist had told her to do? She held everything in, never admitting her own flaws or weaknesses. It kept her apart from even the people she loved. “I liked doing all the work. And I resented it. I wanted control but when I had it, I hated him for giving it all to me. You think I’m intimidating, but I’m a hot mess when it comes to most things.”
A quiet, hot mess. A silent, threatening volcano. A bomb waiting to go off if pressure wasn’t released. She usually released that pressure via long runs.
What if she could release it a different way?
“You went through something awful. It’s okay to be a hot mess.” Lisa sank down on the couch and patted the place beside her.
It was odd to have their roles reversed. For all her life she’d been the big sister, the one Laurel and Lisa came to, the one with all the answers, and if she didn’t have them, she made them up. She was the ultimate fake-it-’til-you-make-it girl. She’d been doing it all her life.
But she had no answers now. Only a million gnawing questions.
“I should be over it.” It was what she told her therapist. She’d treated therapy like something she had to get through in order to get on with her life. Like if she sat in the chair and answered the questions, she would be fine.
It hadn’t worked that way.
“You’re not going to get over it. I think that’s a phrase that does not apply to what happened to you. You get through it,” Lisa said, reaching a hand out. “This will be with you the rest of your life.”
“I couldn’t walk into the hospital without being in that moment.” It was why she’d quit. She’d gone back to work a month after the incident. She’d forced herself to walk into the building, forced herself to do the job, forced herself to go home, forced herself to take the pills that helped her sleep, and then one night thought about how nice it was to sleep, how if she took enough pills she might be able to stay asleep.
She’d quit the next day, and now she was here and she was going to find a way to want to wake up every morning.
“I wouldn’t have wanted to go back there, either,” Lisa said. “I think that’s normal. I was worried when you went back to work so quickly, but it didn’t surprise me.”
“I bet me quitting did.”
Lisa seemed to consider that for a moment. “Not really. Coming here surprised me. I didn’t think you liked it here. You barely talked to anyone at my wedding.”
There had been a reason for that. “I know you won’t believe this, but I was upset when I broke up with Brock. I knew he wasn’t the one, but I think I figured out there might not be a one out there for me. I was jealous of everything my siblings have and I held myself apart. I actually find this place interesting.”
She’d definitely found Armie LaVigne interesting. Until he’d given her a damn ticket. Not that she could blame the ticket for her hesitance. He hadn’t ticketed her at the wedding and she’d still run as fast as she could.
“Really?” There was a wealth of skepticism in her sister’s tone.
She didn’t have to lie about this. “Absolutely. From my brief stay here I’ve figured out that everyone in this town is nuts and they need an adult at the helm.”
Lisa pointed her way and Lila had the bad feeling she’d stepped into a trap. “There it is. That’s what you can’t do here. You can’t walk in here and act like you know everything.”
“I’m not acting. I do know everything.” She couldn’t resist poking her sister.
Lisa shook her head. “I know you’re smart and good at your job, but you’re not in an ER now. You’re going to be the main source for healthcare for the whole parish. We’re isolated. These people need you, and I’m worried if you put them off, they won’t come and see you. I’ve already heard some rumors that people don’t understand what an NP is.”
She shrugged. “They’ll learn or they’ll go without. Like you said, I’m the only game in town. They can’t stay away forever. When they get sick they’ll come and see me.”
It seemed like a pretty simple thing. She would explain her education and training to them and they would understand. If they didn’t want to see a female practitioner, there wasn’t a lot she could do about that. She’d been assured that Doc Hamet would happily hand over his patients, and part of that had to be getting them ready for the transition. According to her new nurse, she had a full afternoon tomorrow. Three physicals, two follow-ups, a well-baby exam, and there would surely be a couple of walk-ins. All in all it sounded busy for a sleepy little clinic.