“I said exactly what you heard, Armie. I didn’t mean that I thought Noelle’s life was easy. That was a manipulation to try to stir up some fire in her. I wanted her to want to prove me wrong.” She wasn’t sure why they were going over this again, but hope sparked through her. If he was willing to listen, maybe they could try again. They would go slower this time. It had been a mistake to move in. They should spend more time together, all three of them.
“But you meant well?”
She hated the fact that he felt like he had to ask her that. “I meant to get her to try something she didn’t want to try, something that could end up being incredibly good for her. Sometimes in therapy you have to be tough, but it’s all about the patient’s best interest.”
He thought about that for a moment. “Okay. I’m sorry I spoke to you the way I did. I was upset. I think we both were and we let things get out of control.”
Was it really this easy? “I’m sorry we fought and I’m sorry I didn’t figure out something nicer to say to Noelle. I’ve been doing this for a long time and I can seem cold even when I’m not. I hope we can sit down and talk this out because I meant what I said. I do miss you.”
“I miss you like crazy.” He reached for her hand. “I want to see you again. Maybe I can come by and we can have dinner and talk.”
She would like that more than anything. They had a lot to talk about. “That might be nice. I just need you to promise me that you won’t toss me out the next time Noelle and I clash, because it’s normal and natural to do that. When it happens, we should all sit down and work it out. Or we could find a therapist. Actually, I think regular therapy sessions would help all of us. Especially Noelle.”
She couldn’t walk on eggshells.
He dropped her hand. “I wasn’t going to bring Noelle into it. I think that’s where we made the mistake the first time.”
“Not bring Noelle into it? Not bring her into what?”
“Our relationship. I think we should keep the two things separate. It’s obvious you have a problem with the way I’m raising my daughter. I’ve thought a lot about it, and the solution is to keep the two parts separate.”
A numbness started to creep over her. She needed to be numb or she would crack open again. “So I don’t ever come over to your place? You show up at mine and we fuck and then you leave and go back to your real family?”
His jaw tightened. “That’s not the way I was looking at it.”
If he didn’t want her around Noelle, he didn’t really want her at all. His life revolved around his daughter. He was asking her to accept an ancillary role. She wouldn’t even be his girlfriend. She would be his booty call. She didn’t miss the irony. In the beginning that was exactly what she’d wanted. When they’d met, she’d wanted to put him in a box and keep him there. It was brutal karma that he wanted that type of relationship now. Because she’d found so much more, come to want more. It was like she’d been the Grinch and her heart had done that growth thing, but the Whos suddenly didn’t want to sing. “I happen to love Noelle.”
“You did a damn fine job proving to her that you don’t.” The ice was back in his tone.
“If she truly believes that then I’m sorry because I do love her, but love isn’t always cuddly and sweet. Sometimes it’s hard. Cuddly and sweet can be very fragile. Love shouldn’t be fragile, but yours certainly was, Armie.”
“I’m sorry you feel that way. It didn’t feel fragile. I still feel more for you than any woman I’ve ever known, but she’s my daughter and I have to put her first.”
“I’m not trying to take her away from you, but you won’t listen to sound medical advice.”
His hands fisted at his sides. “I don’t want to push her.”
“Sometimes we need a push,” she insisted. “You are treating her like she’s made of glass, and she’s not. She’s strong, and she’ll be even stronger if she can push her way through this.”
He took a step back. “I can’t believe I thought this would work. I don’t understand why this is an argument. Do you always have to be right?”
“I am right about this. I don’t understand why you’re not in there coaching her. She’s got a shot at walking again. I know you feel guilty about the accident, but . . .”
His whole body went rigid. “Stop. I took a shot that you would want to at least salvage some of the relationship, but I can see this isn’t going to work.”