"Okay," I said, releasing my breath as I moved across from her in the seating area, my knees practically brushing hers. "It's alright, Katie," I told her, watching as she vigorously shook her head. "It is," I repeated. "I overreacted at the office. I was surprised. And shit got confusing. I was harsher than I normally am. That wasn't fair. Can I ask you something?"
"After all this, I think you have a right to any answers you want," she said, still avoiding eye-contact.
"Who was that?"
"Who was what?"
"On the phone at work that day. Who was that?"
"Oh, ah, uhm, that was my ex-husband.
Ex-husband?
How did I not know she was married?
I guess because she never talked about herself unless she was prompted to. And I had, apparently, been selfish in all of the conversations we'd had over the years.
"You were married?"
"Yes."
"When?"
"Up until two years ago."
"And he was still calling you at work?"
To that, she let out her breath on a snort. "He wanted money," she admitted, glancing up at me, a mix of exasperation and anger on her face. "I didn't realize until after the divorce that he had been using me in a lot of ways. And, apparently, hitting on Fee. I learned that tonight. He was making a fool of me in every way he could think of."
"His shit isn't on you," I objected.
"No," she agreed. "But it was on me to stay with him as long as I did when I was miserable."
"Why did you?" I asked. If she was talking, I was going to keep her talking. There were so many things I didn't know about her, that I found I wanted to know. For better or worse. Whether it made sense or not.
"Because I didn't think anyone else would want me," she admitted, voice a small squeak as she studied the pattern on the arm of the couch. "Which is a silly reason to stay."
"Well, you're half right," I agreed, watching as she looked up at me from under her lashes. "It was silly," I told her. "To think it, that is. Of course someone else would want you."
"I have a lifetime of experience that says otherwise," she told me. "And that's okay. It's okay. Some women beat men away with sticks. The rest of us get by, maybe a good guy comes around. Or a string of bad ones who make us decide to be single. And that's okay. It's fine. I kind of always knew, deep down, that it would be me and my books. Maybe a cat. I think when you hit a certain age and are still single, the cats start coming to you. So I am waiting on mine," she quipped, lips twitching.
"Katie," I started. "Can you look at me for a minute?" I asked, waiting until her chin lifted, her gaze slid up my chest, throat, chin, then finally to my eyes. "Hi," I said, getting a wobbly smile from her.
"Hi."
"You want to know why you're silly?" I asked.
"Sure."
"Because I want you," I told her, feeling like the tension left my chest at the admission. I'd been keeping it to myself, refusing to acknowledge it to anyone, but knowing the truth within me.
"You don't have to say that. It's okay," she said, shaking her head.
"I don't say shit if I don't mean it, baby. I wasn't faking shit at the cabin. I don't make out with random women just because they're in reaching distance."
"But that was before—" she started to insist.
"Yeah, but also no. It was before I knew it was your voice on the other end of the phone with me for months, the voice that was making my cock hard at my desk at work. Yeah," I said when her head shot up, eyes going wide. "I'd never had a hard time keeping shit professional. I had always been able to detach from it. But then your voice was on the phone. And something in me responded to you."
"You don't have to say that to make me feel better," she tried again, refusing to believe the truth.
"You want to know how I figured it all out?" I asked, watching as she gave me a tight little nod. "When you were on the phone with your ex, you begged him for something. Please," I repeated, sucking in a deep breath, exhaling it slowly. "I knew that sound. You. Begging. Fuck, you begged on that phone and my cock was straining. Every fucking time. Don't," I said when her mouth opened. "I already told you I don't bullshit people. I'm telling you the truth. You don't get to choose whether you want to accept it or not. It's a fact. I get it flies in the face of all the ugly shit you've probably been telling yourself, but that is what happened. And kept happening. And that's probably why I flew off the handle when I found out it was you all along. Not someone untouchable, someone halfway across the country, married with kids. No. You were right there. All that time. Right within reach."