All I knew was her little whimpers and moans actually made me get hard some nights. Fine, most nights.
I was unexpectedly concerned about the absence of her name on my caller ID.
My mind went in several different directions. Something had happened to her. She ran out of money. She found someone.
It was irrational to be annoyed about that prospect, but it was there—a coiled thing under my ribcage—regardless.
"Slow lately, huh?" Fee asked when I came in for my shift the next day, feeling a little more listless than usual. I found myself wanting to hop in my car and take a trip somewhere, anywhere. Get my mind clear. Even though I'd just gotten back.
Because this fucking mind of mine kept going places it had no business going.
Like back to those woods.
To the things I wanted to happen there, but didn't let.
To how much of a dick I'd been in the end.
"Yeah," I agreed. "Feel like I'm cheating you out of money," I told her, shrugging, going to her coffee bar to help myself to her personal coffee machine. We had the one in the main area, but Fiona kept a couple special pods for herself that I liked to steal when I was in a shit mood. Stuff like salted caramel or mocha or Kahlúa.
"Wait, sit," she demanded, brows furrowed, when I tried to rush right back out.
"Yes, ma'am," I said, dropping down into her seat, laughing at the pussy flower statue she had on her desk.
"Pretty, right? Aimee, remember her? She left like a year ago when she got married, she took up ceramics, and made that for me."
"Nice," I agreed, hearing the solemness in my voice, not caring enough to try to mask it.
"What's going on, sort-of-little-brother?" she asked, taking her seat.
"Nothing. Just... frustrated," I admitted, shrugging.
"You know what I find interesting?" she asked, turning a golden pen in between her fingers.
"I'm sure I don't want to know," I told her, lips twitching, "But I know you well enough to know there's no stopping you either."
"Smart boy. Well, I think it is interesting that before you left to go to the cabin, you were happy as a clam. And now, you're all mopey. I find that interesting."
"Fee, don't," I demanded, shaking my head. "Haven't you done enough?" I asked, hearing a rawness in my voice that I didn't like having there, but I didn't know how to stop it either.
"Oh, but I thought it was "no big deal," just the "principal of the thing," she said, air-quoting the things I'd said to her over the phone. I never knew someone to have a better memory than a woman determined to make a point.
"Remember that text you sent me six years ago? On that day where it was raining and the neighbor's dog came barreling into the back door to get out of it? And I took his picture to send you. And then you told me that you thought my interest in photography was a waste of time. Well, look at me now, supporting the two of us with that money. I was just thinking about that, randomly. Funny huh?"
"Fee..."
"I think for all the brushing off you've given me, that I was a little bit right. Something happened in those woods. And you are all pissy about it for some reason," she concluded.
"I'm not pissy," I objected, taking a sip of my too-hot coffee, regretting it as it burned down my throat.
"I raised three daughters, Rush, I know pissy when I see it."
"Look, I don't know what it is, Fee. I'm just feeling restless. Maybe it will pass."
"And if it doesn't?"
"I don't know. I'll have to shake it up somehow, I guess."
"You would dare leave me?" she asked, clutching her heart.
"I haven't had a call in days," I reminded her, though I was sure she was aware. She was always on top of things like that.
"Yeah, you're fucking up my bottom line," she teased, waving a hand. "Who knows. Maybe your regulars are busy or on vacation. Or sick. They will probably call back. Hang in there for a few more days. If there is still nothing, then, yeah, I guess maybe we will need to reconsider the need for your position. But I would never throw you out on the streets."
"I have Kingston to fall back on," I reminded her. "With Nixon working with Reagan a lot now, and Atlas never around for long, he could use the help. I wouldn't be on the street. I'm not giving up yet. I'm just in a shit mood. It'll pass."
"Right," she agreed, smirking. "Emotions do that. Just go away on their own. No work or change or anything."
"I'll be fine, Fee. but thanks for giving a shit."
"You know... I could ask Helen to reinstate the 'bring a date' rule this Sunday."