As I glance around, I find myself looking for Maryne until the ugly reminder settles into my heart. She’s not here. She’ll never be here again.
She’s gone.
I let out a heavy sigh and struggle against the tears forming in my eyes. I don’t think I’ll ever get used to not seeing her face in here again. She was everything. Her presence was known no matter where you were in the mansion and now without her, it just seems so empty, so lonely.
I could always count on Maryne for a smile. She was there to lift me up after a shitty day. I never actually sat down and talked with her about everything that was going on at the beginning but she could sense something was wrong. She was very maternal, especially for a woman who never got the chance to actually be a mom.
My phone dings from deep in my bra and I fish it out of there. This stupid private school uniform is trying to kill me. What uniform doesn’t have pockets for us to hide things in? It’s ridiculous.
I glance down at my phone and everything inside of me shatters.
Sebastian.
No, I’m not ready for this.
It’s only a text, but I know exactly what it’s going to say and reading those words is going to kill me.
I don’t know what it is about Sebastian but out of all of my Widows, he’s the one I always bonded with the most. He was my best friend—not in the way that I was friends with Nic. This was something different, something deeper. He was a brother to me, a protector, the guy that I always knew would be there.
What a joke that was. Out of all the guys, Nic and Sebastian’s betrayal hurts the most. Those two were supposed to be the ones I trusted the most, they were supposed to be my world, but they lied. Just like my father did.
I look down at the notification on my phone, trying to find the strength to read Sebastian’s message. I've heard from them all over the past week … in fact, I've probably heard from them a little too much, especially Nic, but after the weekend and the bruise he left on my arm, it’s going to take a little more than some shitty apology to reel me back in. Nic is sick. He's obsessed and it’s becoming unhealthy, but out of the four of them, if one of them was capable of reeling me back in with shitty words, it’s Sebastian, and deep down, we both know it.
Taking a breath, I press on his message and mentally prepare myself.
Sebastian – Can we talk? I miss you, O.
I find myself staring at the message. One minute passes and it turns into two. Before I know it, I’ve been staring down at my phone for at least five minutes and I still have no idea what to do. Do I message back? Do I tell him that I miss him so freaking bad that it hurts? Do I ignore it? Why does it have to hurt like this?
I want them back in my life so desperately, but they betrayed me. They lied, they did the one thing I never thought they’d do. Sure, they’ve kept things from me before but it was never an outright lie. They’ve been deep in the Black Widows since before I knew them and I always knew that there were some things that they weren’t going to share with me. They kept that part of their lives concealed in an attempt to protect me from it, but this was my father, my life. How am I supposed to forgive and forget that?
I quickly realize that I'm going to have to do something unless I’d prefer to stand here awkwardly in the middle of the staff quarters staring at my phone. But what?
Sucking up the courage, I allow my finger to move over the keyboard
Ocean – I miss you too.
Delete.
Ocean – Talk? How am I ever supposed to talk to you again? You lied to me.
Delete.
Fuck. I need to be real with him.
Ocean – I want to forgive you, Sebastian. I want to forgive you so freaking bad, but I can’t. It hurts too much. I don’t trust you anymore…
Taking a breath, I read over the message four times before I remember that my balls are supposedly made of steel and hit send. The text sends and I find myself staring again, looking down at the phone and anxiously waiting for his reply, knowing damn well that my words would have cut deep.
After ten minutes of waiting, I realize that no reply is coming and for some reason, it kills me just a little bit more. I hate knowing when my boys are hurting. Shit, I really need to stop calling them that. They're not my boys anymore. They belong whole-heartedly to the Widows. The four boys I thought I knew don’t exist anymore.