I pulled his ring out of my nightstand drawer where I had hidden it. I wanted to keep it to myself until I figured things out. Opening the box, I stared at the modest, yet stunning, ring. I carefully lifted it out and admired all the delicate details of the tiny white gold leaves that surrounded the band. I hesitated to slip it onto my ring finger. But it seemed to be begging to be worn. Before I dared to try it on, I noticed an inscription inside the band. I held it up to the nightstand light and read, Love is friendship set on fire.
Oh. Wow. How beautiful, and almost funny. We had certainly been burning. And, apparently, in love with each other. If only I had gotten that memo a lot earlier. And the ring. I slipped it on my finger and held it out in front of me. It was a perfect fit. It didn’t strangle at all, unlike the ring John had bought. In fact, it felt like a part of me. I quickly took it off before I got too comfortable with it and put it back in the drawer. Like Brock, I needed to heal before I could contemplate a future with him.
I picked up some of the letters that Erin had brought over from the office. I felt bad that I hadn’t been able to see her when she’d come by, but I hadn’t wanted to see anyone who might try and make me feel better. I knew how messed up that sounded, but it seemed wrong for me to feel good when my baby had died.
I flipped through the envelopes. I was touched that so many people had thought of me. A red envelope caught my eye. It was from Maya Rodriguez, a young woman that I knew well and loved who had graduated from our program. I tore open the envelope and took out the note that had been handwritten on copy paper.
Dear Miss Dani,
I read online about your baby.
I internally groaned. I hated that my tragedy was playing out online and on local, and even some cable, news outlets. My sisters had filled me in today about the coverage Brock and I had received. I knew Brock had even received requests for interviews. Was nothing sacred? I shuddered to think what would be said if people found out we were taking a break. Unfortunately, I wasn’t sure we could keep it a secret. I wondered what that meant for Brant. I had this nagging feeling that the puppet master would have his say. He, I was sure, didn’t like it when the puppets found a way to cut their strings. Men like Edward always wanted the upper hand.
I focused on more pleasant things—the letter I held.
I wanted you to know how sorry I am. Any baby would be so lucky to have you as a mother.
I’m not sure I ever thanked you enough for all that you did for me. You saved my life. When I turned eighteen and was turned out on my own with nowhere to go and no family to speak of, your program took me in. Not only that, you took me in and became my family. You accepted me with no questions asked. No one had ever done that before. You showed me a better way. That I could make better choices than my so-called parents had. Because of you, I saw a future.
I’ll never forget the many times I sat crying in your office, worried I wasn’t good enough or strong enough. You told me it didn’t matter where I had been, only where I was going and who I was becoming on that road. You gave me hope when I had none. Now here I am graduated from college and working as a social worker. I want to help people, like you helped me.
Thank you for being my guardian angel.
May you be blessed with healing and comfort.
Love,
Maya
I held her note to my chest, tears pouring down my cheeks. Maybe I wasn’t so bad. Perhaps I deserved to hope for a happy future too. If nothing else, she reminded me that there were lots of Mayas out there who needed help. My help. And I wasn’t doing anyone any good lying in this bed day in and day out. I rubbed my abdomen. It felt hollow, though that wasn’t going to change by hiding from myself and the world. But I felt so guilty for even thinking about going on with my life as if nothing had happened. As if there hadn’t been a life in me that no longer existed. I didn’t know how to overcome the guilt—all of it.
While I read more cards and letters from current and former students, even my staff and corporate partners, someone knocked on my door.