“Fine.” Dani sat up straight and let out a deep breath. “Brock,” she always said his name wistfully, “had lunch with Jonah today.”
I swallowed down my heart like I always did when his name was mentioned. “I didn’t know Brock was out of town.” I did my best to sound unaffected and picked up the candy cane piece again to fiddle with it.
Kinsley reached out and rubbed my arm. “He’s not. Jonah’s here.”
Oh. I shrugged. “That’s nice.” What did I care if he was visiting? The married man was free to do whatever he wanted. We were ancient history. “How long is he in town?” I thought to ask, to make sure I avoided him while he visited.
“Well . . .” Dani bit her perfectly pouty lips, “for a while.”
“How long is ‘a while’?”
“Maybe forever.” She tensed and leaned away from me.
I dropped the stained glass and it clanged against the table. “Define forever.”
“He moved back,” Kinsley rushed to say before her hands flew to her mouth as if she’d said a bad word.
A loud ringing started in my ears. I think it might have been from all the extra blood being pumped by my erratically beating heart. “Super. Fantastic. Great,” I breathed out maniacally. “I mean, he always wanted to move back here. I’m happy for him and his family.” I pushed my chair back and stood. I needed that chocolate peanut butter dessert Kinsley was working on. I headed straight for the commercial-size fridge we had for Kinsley’s benefit.
Dani and Kinsley tiptoed after me.
I threw open the fridge door and let the cold wash over me, inhaling and exhaling deeply, mad at myself that he could still affect me this way. He was married with a child. I had no business feeling this out of sorts about him. But all I could think about was the last time I saw him. He had gently kissed me and said, “I love you. Say you love me too. Please.” I’d wanted to. I almost had, but I knew he wouldn’t have left if I had, or he would have begged me again to come with him. He wouldn’t have led the life he was meant to live. I’d guaranteed us our happy ending—we’d never have to grow apart or end up hating each other. When I hadn’t said it, he had taken my face in his hands, pressed his lips against mine, and hungrily kissed me, bleeding into my lips every feeling he’d ever had for me, and they were all beautiful. Tears had streamed down both our faces. Then he’d pushed away from me and walked out the door. I’d never heard from him again. But I could still remember the way he tasted like Skittles. He’d loved them and ate them by the handful. I hadn’t touched a Skittle since he left.
Kinsley rubbed my back. “Maybe we shouldn’t tell her the rest.”
I whipped my head toward the two. “The rest?”
“Maybe you should sit down,” Dani suggested.
“Why?” What could be worse than living in the same zip code as him and his beautiful family?
“He’s divorced,” Kinsley blurted.
It felt as if someone ripped the band-aid off an infected wound. I held onto both of them for support. “What? How? I saw all the Christmas cards you hid from me. He looked happy. His wife is gorgeous and successful. They have a beautiful little girl.” I paused, realizing how I was basically spelling out the feelings I had for him that I had tried to keep hidden from everyone. “I mean, what does that have to do with me? We were friends. That’s it.”
They wrapped their arms around me, sandwiching me between them.
“Nice try, Ariana, but you’re not fooling anyone. You never did.” Dani squeezed a bit tighter.
I took a moment to revel in the comfort of their arms before I whispered, “What happened?” Honestly, I thought if anyone would get the pie-in-the-sky dream, it would be him.
Dani led me to the couch while Kinsley grabbed her masterpiece and three spoons. We sat on the old burnt orange couch we’d inherited from Grandma Kay. She’d called it a housewarming gift when we’d all decided to move in together a few years ago. We didn’t particularly want it, but Grandma was a waste not, want not kind of lady and she wanted a new couch, so we got saddled with the 70s relic.
Obviously, Jonah moving back here had nothing to do with me. He probably hadn’t thought about me in years. Still, I sat there holding Dani’s hand, trying not to hyperventilate. Kinsley sat on the coffee table and held up the pan full of rich chocolate with swirls of peanut butter. I grabbed one of the spoons and scooped out a large bite before shoving it in my mouth. I closed my eyes for a moment and basked in dessert heaven. My breathing slowed and my heartrate lowered. I opened my eyes to find my two best friends staring at me, assessing my mental health.