I had blabbered on about how I’d privately mourned Jonah and even my father. Basically, I came out of there more of a mess than when I went in. To make it worse, I had promised her I would continue the misery and relive all my worst memories over the next week. Couldn’t she just give me a pill to fix my problems? I couldn’t believe I was paying for this torture.
Before I made it home, Jonah called. I’d promised him I would no longer ignore his calls. He had even given me a special ring tone like it was 2006. You guessed it, Rocky’s theme song, “Eye of the Tiger.”
“Hello.” I sniffled.
“Are you okay? You sound like you’ve been crying.”
“Therapy is a real killjoy.”
“Do you want to talk about it?”
“I think I’ve talked enough today, but maybe later. Actually . . . I need a favor from you.”
“Anything,” he was overly eager.
“I need someone willing to let me . . .” Wait, what was I doing, asking him to be my safe person already? It just seemed natural, but I couldn’t. Shouldn’t? But he was the only person who knew I was seeing a therapist. That was telling. But I couldn’t just yet. “Um, never mind.”
“Ariana, I’m here for you.”
“I want to believe that.”
“I’ll see what I can do to prove it to you. In the meantime, I was going to ask a favor from you.”
“Okay.”
“Our office offers 24-7 care and I’m on call tonight. It’s not likely I’ll have to go in, but if I do, can you watch Whitney? My babysitter came down with bronchitis.”
Uh, that seemed like one giant leap for mankind. Or my kind.
“Ariana?”
“I’m here.”
“Whitney likes you, and as you might imagine, she doesn’t take well to everyone, and they don’t take well to her.” I could hear the distress in his voice. “It would mean a lot to me on the off chance I need you. I can even bring her to your place if coming to my place feels like I’m pushing the envelope.”
How could I say no to that? “Sure. I would be happy to.”
“Thank you. You know, if I don’t get called in, we could all do dinner together.”
“What happened to giving me space?”
“You just agreed to watch my daughter; I think we are past giving each other space. Besides, it’s been forever since I’ve seen you.”
“It’s been four days.”
“It’s been a long four days.”
I felt the same way. “Where are we going for dinner?”
“Would you mind if we went to Porters? They have a lot of healthy options for Whitney.”
“Healthy is probably a good idea. I’ve been eating pie for breakfast every morning since the day after Thanksgiving.”
He chuckled. “Can I pick you up at six?”
“You can.”
“I can’t wait.”
“I’ll see you tonight.”
“Ariana.”
“Yes?”
“I’m proud of you. I know how hard this is for you.”
“Jonah, therapy and you coming back isn’t going to magically fix me. You know that, right? Dr. Morales said I shouldn’t contemplate the future until I deal with my past.”
“All I want right now is your present. We’ll fight for the future later. Together.”
He always said the loveliest things. “You sound so sure.”
“I am. I’ll see you tonight.” He hung up, leaving me feeling tipsy.
When I arrived home to change before heading back downstairs to the studio, I was surprised to run into Kinsley. Both she and Dani were usually long gone before me every day. In fact, I was sure they were both gone by the time I left for my appointment this morning, which is how I planned it. No need for them to ask me where I was going, especially dressed like I was late for a board meeting.
I set my keys in the decorative bowl near the front door. I had a clear shot of the kitchen from where I stood; basically, it was a clear shot of everything except the bedrooms and the bathroom.
“What are you doing home?”
A startled Kinsley in a white chef’s jacket popped her head out of the refrigerator. Her eyes looked like they had shed more tears than mine. The chocolate frosting on her lips from a large brownie she was holding spoke volumes.
I rushed over to her. “Kinsley, what’s wrong?”
More tears leaked out of her pretty brown eyes.
I took the brownie out of her hand and set it on the counter before wrapping her up in my arms. Her head fell on my shoulder, as did her tears.
“What happened?” I rubbed her back.
“Do you ever feel like,” she hiccupped, “it will never be your turn?”
“What do you mean?”
She sniffled and shuddered against me. “It’s just, my entire life I feel like I’ve been left out. It’s what happens when your parents are poor.”
I knew she spoke of her biological parents, who Kinsley always spoke fondly of even though they had very little. They had left twelve-year-old Kinsley with nothing when they both died in a car accident. It’s how she had come to live with Grandma and Grandpa.