That sounded like him and Shiori. The woman could get his dander up with just a derisive look.
“Now I want to get to the real reason you asked me about the male submissive mind.”
Knox saw that Merrick had rested his forearms on the bar. And fuck if the man didn’t have that “I’m a Dom and you will spill your guts to me now” look in his eyes.
Fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck.
How did he even do this? He glanced down and saw he’d twisted the bar towel into a tight knot.
“Who told you that they believed you are submissive?”
Of course Merrick would just toss that out there. And Knox fought against the need to look around to see if anyone had heard.
“It’s really freaked you out that much?”
“Yeah. It’s not something I ever considered. It’s not like I have secret fantasies of a woman tying me up and doing whatever she wants to me.”
“I never did either until Lizette.” He paused and tapped his fingers on the bar. “Let me ask you this. Have you ever used a whip or a flogger on a woman?”
He shook his head. “My hard-and-fast rule. I don’t beat on women. Period. Not here, not at the dojo, not in any capacity. Ever.”
“You’re former military.”
“Let’s skip the ‘do I think women belong in combat situations’ question because the answer is too damn complicated.”
“Fair enough. And your family? Do you have brothers or sisters?”
“Two younger sisters. My mom married when I was sixteen. When I left for the army at eighteen, she’d just given birth to my little sister Vivie. So Vivie is almost eighteen and my other little sister, Zara, is sixteen. What does that have to do with anything?”
“Do they live here?”
“In Golden.”
“Do you see them often?”
He smiled, thinking of the latest selfie they’d sent him. “Every couple of weeks. They need me to ride herd on them since they have Mom and their dad, Rick, snowed that they’re angels.”
“Who told you that they thought you were submissive?”
Knox said, “Shiori,” without pause because he’d been thinking of something else. He narrowed his eyes at Merrick. “Smooth, you bastard.”
“I didn’t get to be a formidable Dom by whips and cuffs alone, Knox.”
“Okay. So now that’s out in the open, let me ask you the goddamn question that I really don’t want an honest fucking answer to.”
Merrick laughed. “Hit me.”
“Do you think I’m submissive?”
It was excruciating to wait for Merrick’s response. “Will an honest fucking answer have you leaping across the bar and kicking my ass with some nasty jujitsu moves?”
“So that’s your answer.”
He lowered his voice. “Yes, I think you’re submissive. But I will qualify that statement. It’s not something that was on your radar. It certainly wasn’t on mine when I first met Lizette. And like me, I don’t think just any Domme can walk up to you and elicit that ‘I want to serve you’ reaction. There’s only one woman who can convince you that she deserves that kind of trust and loyalty from you. Is it a more disturbing thought that you may never find her? Or that maybe you already have?”
Fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck.
“Are you man enough to overcome your fears that ‘real’ men aren’t submissives?”
“I don’t know.”
Merrick cocked his head. “Someone asked me once why there weren’t more hetero male submissives, not only at Twisted but at other clubs.”
“What did you say?”
“That most men weren’t strong enough to submit. We’re inherently weak creatures; we worry about ego and machismo. I will tell you there is no greater feeling as a man than when you know in your heart that no other man in the world can ever give your woman what you do. And you’d wrap your hands around the neck of the man who even dared to try.”
“Master Merrick? I hate to interrupt, but Delilah needs you in the medical room.”
“Thanks, Tia, I’ll be right there.” Merrick gave Knox another look. “My door is open if you need to discuss this further.”
“Thanks.”
The bar got busy for the next hour. Then everyone cleared out and Knox was back to staring at the clock, wishing for closing time. Wishing he could just drink a couple of beers and stop all the questions pinging around in his head. His world had been turned upside down tonight by Merrick’s story, confession, whatever the hell it’d been.