“You’re hurting,” he said quietly. “Headache?”
A dull flush worked over her features. “It’s okay. I’m fine, really. There’s no need for you to leave. I can have Pippa take me home or I can just catch a cab.”
“The hell I’ll have you leave here in a cab,” he bit out. “I’ve done what I needed to do here. The rest is William’s night. I won’t have you suffering when you could be at home in bed after taking your medication.”
Her shoulders sagged a bit and she nodded her acceptance. He put his hand to her back, noting again just how fragile she felt. It wasn’t something he could even describe. How did someone feel fragile? But there was an aura of vulnerability that surrounded her like a fog. He wasn’t imagining it.
He guided her toward the door, not stopping to acknowledge the people who spoke as they passed.
She was silent the entire way home. She sat in the darkened interior of the car, eyes closed and so still that he was afraid to move for fear of disturbing her.
Once back at their apartment, he helped her undress and pulled back the covers so she could crawl into bed. He leaned down to kiss her brow as he pulled the sheet up to her chin.
“I’ll go get your medication and something to drink.”
To his surprise, she shook her head. “No,” she said in a low voice. “I don’t want it. I hate the way it makes me feel. I just need to sleep. I’ll be fine in the morning.”
He frowned but didn’t want to argue with her. She needed to take the damn medicine. She was obviously in a lot of pain. But her eyes were already closed and her soft breathing signaled that she was relaxing or at least trying to.
“All right,” he conceded. “But if you aren’t better in the morning, you’re taking the medicine.”
She nodded without opening her eyes. “Promise.”
Seventeen
Devon woke Ashley the next morning long enough to ascertain how she was feeling. Ashley assured him she was fine even though her stomach still churned with humiliation and upset. In truth, she just wanted him gone. The last thing she wanted was a set of eyes on her when she was on the verge of cracking.
After he left for work, she shuffled into the shower and stood for a long time underneath the heated spray. Afterward she didn’t linger in the bathroom long. She dried her hair because of the cold, but pulled it back into a ponytail. She was too on edge to worry over makeup and just made do with moisturizer.
She was in turns scared and dismayed over the prospect of pregnancy. At times she firmly hoped she wasn’t expecting. Others, she held a secret, ridiculous hope that a pregnancy would… What? She laughed helplessly at just how naive she was. Even as she knew a child would in no way fix a doomed relationship, there was a part of her that wondered if Devon would grow to love the mother of his child.
It angered her that she could even entertain such a notion. Why on earth would she settle for a man loving her because she produced his offspring? If he couldn’t love her before that, why would she even care what happened after she popped out a kid?
Unrequited love sucked. There were no two ways about it.
If she had it to do all over again, she’d put a definite “wait and see” on any childbearing. Or at least get through the honeymoon without any life-altering surprises.
She ate a light breakfast to settle her stomach. She couldn’t be entirely certain if her queasy morning stomach was due to pregnancy or her rather fragile emotional state of late. Or maybe subconsciously she wanted to be pregnant and so had convinced herself of the possibility. Weren’t there women who had false pregnancies?
Her nervousness grew as she got into a cab to go to the doctor’s office. The only person who knew what she was doing today was Pippa. And well, now Tabitha and Carly would know as well, but she was counting on them to get her through either scenario. Pregnant or not pregnant.
At the clinic, she filled out the paperwork and waited impatiently for the nurse to call her back. After answering a myriad of questions, she was asked to pee in a cup. They drew blood and then she was asked to wait in the reception area.
For twenty of the longest minutes of her life.
She fidgeted. She flipped through a magazine. Finally she got up to pace as she took in the other women in various stages of pregnancy.
Finally the nurse called her back. Ashley hurried toward the door and was escorted to a private sitting area outside one of the exam rooms.
“Well?” she blurted, unable to remain silent a moment longer.
The nurse smiled. “You’re pregnant, Mrs. Carter. Judging by when you say your last period was, I’d say maybe six weeks at most. But we’ll schedule a sonogram so we can better determine dates.”
Ashley’s stomach bottomed out. She broke out in a cold sweat and her head began pounding until her vision was blurred.
“Are you all right?” the nurse asked gently.
Ashley swallowed rapidly and nodded. “I’m fine. Just a little shocked. I mean, I suspected but maybe secretly I didn’t really believe I was.”
The nurse gave her a sympathetic look. “It takes time to adjust. It can be a little overwhelming at first. The important thing is for you to rest, take it easy. Take a little time to let it sink in. We’re doing lab work and will check your HCG levels to make sure they’re in an appropriate range. If there’s any cause for concern, we’ll call you. Otherwise, set up an appointment with the receptionist on your way out for your first visit to the doctor. We’ll do your sonogram then.”
Ashley walked out of the clinic a little—okay, a lot—numb. Again, it wasn’t a huge shock. She and Devon hadn’t done anything to prevent pregnancy at all. In fact they’d openly embraced the idea—at her instigation—but now she wondered if he was even as open to the idea as he’d let on. How could she be sure he hadn’t said whatever was necessary to get her to agree to marry him?
Her mouth turned down in an unhappy frown as she laid her head back against the seat of the cab. She should have asked the nurse what she could take for a headache now that she was pregnant.
But she doubted even the strongest pain medication would help the roar in her ears and the nerves that were balanced on a razor’s edge.
The cab dropped her off half a block from the restaurant where she was meeting her friends and she bundled her coat around her as she pushed through people hurrying by. She ducked into the bright eatery and scanned the small seating area for the girls.
In the corner, Pippa stood up and waved. Tabitha and Carly both turned immediately and motioned her over with a flurry of hands.
Ashley nearly ran, desperate to be surrounded by the comfort of her best friends in the world.
“So?” Pippa demanded before Ashley had even had a chance to shrug out of her coat. “Tell us!”
“Are you pregnant?” Tabitha asked.
Ashley flopped into her chair, wrung out from the events of the past weeks. To her utter horror, tears welled in her eyes. It was like knocking the final stone from an already weakened dam.
Her friends stared at her in shock as she dissolved into tears.
“Oh, my God, Ashley, what’s wrong? Honey, it’s okay, you have plenty of time to get pregnant,” Carly soothed.
Tabitha and Pippa wrapped their arms around her from both sides and hugged her fiercely.
“I am pregnant,” she said on a sob.
That earned her looks of bewilderment all around. Pippa took charge, taking a table napkin and dabbing at Ashley’s tears. Her friends sat quietly, soothing and hugging her until finally she got her sobs under control and they diminished to quiet sniffles.
“What the hell is going on?” Pippa asked bluntly. “You look like hell, Ash. And you haven’t been yourself. What the hell was that last night with the weird hair and the dress you wouldn’t normally get caught dead in?”
“Pippa!” Tabitha scolded. “Can’t you see how upset she is?”
“She’s right,” Carly said in a grim voice. “Besides we’re her friends and we love her. We can get away with telling her she looks like crap.”
Tabitha sighed. “I think what they’re delicately trying to say is you just don’t look happy, Ash. We’re worried about you.”
“Everything’s such a mess,” Ashley said as tears welled up all over again.
“We’ve got all day,” Pippa said firmly. “Now tell us what’s going on with you.”
The entire story came spilling out. Every humiliating detail, right down to the disaster of a wedding night and her decision to make Devon fall in love with her.
The three women looked stunned. Then anger fired in Pippa’s eyes. “That son of a bitch! I hate him!”
“So do I,” Tabitha announced.
“I’d like to kick him right between the legs,” Carly muttered.
“You aren’t going to stand for this are you?” Pippa demanded.
“I don’t know what to do,” Ashley said wearily.
Carly grabbed Ashley’s hands. “Look at me, honey. You are a beautiful, loving, generous woman. You are perfect just like you are. The only one who needs to change in this relationship is that jerk you married. I’m so pissed right now I can’t even see straight. I cannot believe his nerve. I wouldn’t change a single thing about you and moreover he doesn’t deserve you.”
“Amen,” Pippa growled. “You need to tell him to take a long walk off the short end of a pier.”
Tabitha pulled Ashley into her arms and hugged her tightly. Then she pulled away and gently wiped at the tears on Ashley’s cheeks.
“No one who truly loves you should ever want you to change. And no one who wants to change that essential part that makes you you deserves a single moment of your time.”
“I love you guys,” Ashley said brokenly. “You can’t even imagine how much I needed you right now.”
“I just wish you’d confided in us sooner,” Pippa said. “Nobody should have to endure all of what you’ve endured alone. That’s what friends are for. We love you. We would have kicked his sorry ass weeks ago if we’d known.”
Ashley cracked a watery smile. “What would I do without you all?”
“Let’s not even consider the possibility since you’re never going to be without us,” Carly said.
“So what are you going to do, hon?” Tabitha asked, her voice full of concern.
Ashley took a deep breath because until right now, at this very moment, she hadn’t known. Or maybe she had but had pushed it aside, unwilling to accept the decision that her heart had already made.
“I’m going to tell him I can’t do this,” she said softly.
“Good for you,” Pippa said fiercely.
“You’re leaving him?” Carly asked.
Ashley sighed again. “I can’t stay with him. I deserve better. I deserve a man who loves me and doesn’t want to change me. I’m tired of trying to be someone I’m not. I liked myself the way I was. I don’t like this person I’ve become.”
“That a girl,” Tabitha said. “And don’t you worry even for a minute about the baby. You have us. You know your parents will support you. We’ll be with you every step of the way. We’ll babysit. We’ll go to the doctor with you. We’ll even coach you in the delivery room.”
“Oh God, stop before you make me cry again,” Ashley choked out.
“Do you want one of us to go with you?” Carly asked anxiously. “I don’t want you to have to do this alone. Pippa would be awesome to take with you. She can be scary when people mess with someone she loves.”
Pippa grinned.
“No,” Ashley said, squaring her shoulders. “This is something I have to do on my own. It’s time I regained control over my own life and future. I haven’t had it since Devon walked into my life.”
“I’m so proud of you, Ash,” Tabitha said.
“We all are,” Pippa said firmly. “If you need a place to stay until you get everything sorted out, any one of us will be more than happy to let you stay as long as you need.”
Ashley looked at her three friends and some of the terrible ache in her chest dissolved at the love and loyalty she saw burning in their eyes. She really would be okay. Things would suck for a while, but she was going to be okay. She’d get through this. She had family and friends—the very best of friends—and now she had a child to focus on.
The moment the nurse had confirmed that she had a life growing inside her, Ashley’s entire world had changed. Her priorities had shifted and she’d instantly known that she had to do what was best for her and her child.
It had been a powerful moment of realization.
Calm settled over her. Oh, she was still terrified—and heartbroken. That wouldn’t change overnight. But now she knew what she had to do and she couldn’t escape the inevitability of the path that for once she had chosen instead of it choosing her.
Eighteen
Devon was having a hard time concentrating. He’d already blown three phone calls. He’d sent an email to the wrong recipient and replied to another thinking it was someone else. His focus was completely and utterly shot and he couldn’t even pinpoint exactly what had him so out of sorts.
He was concerned for Ashley, definitely. He hadn’t wanted to leave her that morning, but she’d insisted she was fine and that he should go into work. Still, he had a nagging sensation tugging at his chest that wouldn’t go away.
Something just wasn’t right.
He picked up his phone to call Ashley’s cell but was interrupted by his door opening. He looked up and frowned. His secretary hadn’t announced a visitor and he knew damn well he didn’t have an appointment now.