I can’t stop smiling. For the first time in a while, I’m excited to go to class. I want to see him, to see if he’ll admit what his brother said.
The focus I had put on my loneliness has shifted. When we pulled into town two weeks ago, I didn’t know anyone, and I didn’t expect to have already kissed a boy, and I never in my life would’ve thought an offer like the one that’s been posed to me would be on the table.
Even though I’m looking forward to talking to Elian like an equal, I can’t deny that even over the weekend, there were moments my depression hit me. A silence in the house and not having Aunt Midge home ate away at me. But I put on some loud music and I did my homework.
I will have hard days. They’re not going to suddenly disappear overnight. Even as the years pass, I know the heartache of losing my dad won’t completely heal. But I’ve learned from mommy dearest how to hide my pain, and that’s what I do. In public, we don’t show pain. We don’t cry. That’s better left for the privacy of my bedroom. She would be so proud, I think, sarcasm dripping from each word.
Sighing, I make my way down the hall. The thought of seeing Elian and Ahren today has me skipping toward the staircase. I do feel like a girl with a crush.
The blue eyes that pierce me from across the class do something to me. The way he stares sets my body aflame. I want to challenge him, to push him out of that cage he’s locked himself in and make him see that these games are nothing more than him trying to be the good guy. But by his own admission, he’s not.
After talking to Ahren on Friday night, I’m on pins and needles to see how this arrangement will play out. Knowing that Elian Donati wants me has butterflies fluttering in my stomach.
I spent two days considering the pros and cons about heading into a relationship with a man forbidden because he’s my teacher. It’s not the first time I’ve been in a situation like this, and I guess I’m going to have to tell them everything about my past if I do this.
And that’s what’s bothering me more than anything.
I don’t want them to judge me. But even as I think it, I know that things could always turn out worse than they were before. Shrugging my backpack on my shoulder, I’m pulling open the door to our house when Aunt Midge appears from her office.
“Darling,” she says. “I hope you’re enjoying being here. I know it’s not easy coming from the city, but the small town is lovely once you get used to it.” When she nears me, I can smell the faint stench of men’s cologne on her. It’s not overly noticeable, but I wonder briefly what she’s been up to. Since I started school, she hasn’t been around much, with work being her excuse.
Even though I know my aunt loves to travel and hates being in one place for too long, I thought since I moved here she’d be more open to spending time with me. Clearly, I was mistaken.
“It’s been okay. I’m getting by,” I tell her. “I’ve missed you.” I lock my gaze on hers, praying she doesn’t give me some excuse again, but she just pulls me into a hug. I’m not sure what the hell is going on with her, but my gut twists with worry. “Are you okay?”
“Yes, of course, I am.” When she steps back, I try my hardest to pinpoint a lie in her gaze, but if it was there before, it’s gone now, though her expression is filled with anxiety. “I’m going to have some friends over for dinner, so if you’re going out, that would be fine,” she tells me. “I don’t mind if you go out. Black Mountain is safe, and I know the kids here are good.”
Nodding, I offer her a smile. “Are you sure you’re okay?” I ask her again.
Aunt Midge nods. “Yes, darling,” she tells me more confidently this time. “I would tell you if anything was the matter. Now get to school. I don’t want you to be late.” She kisses my forehead in a show of affection I never got from my mother.
When I get to the gate of the estate, I find a bike rumbling, waiting for me, and on it, the man who’s going to twist me around his finger. Ahren grins before pulling off the helmet and handing it to me. Thankfully, I put my hair in a plait this morning. I slip on the helmet and hop onto the back. My arms twine around his middle, and I can’t stop my hands from feeling the rigid muscle under his loose-fitting tee.