He dips his head. “I understand things are probably weird now. I should have told you a long time ago. If you don’t want to hang out anymore, I get it.”
“Carson.”
His eyes snap to mine.
“This doesn’t change anything,” I tell him. “Gay or not gay, you’re my friend. You’re the only real one I’ve probably got. And I should have listened to you. I should have tried harder when I saw you struggling. You should have been able to come to me with this.”
His chest shakes with relief. “You aren’t mad?”
“Why the hell would I be mad? I mean, you know I’m into chicks, so—”
“I know,” he says quickly. “And I don’t expect anything. I just wanted to explain why I’ve been so cagey. It was hard for me to watch you falling for her even though I knew I never had a chance. I’ve wanted to tell you for a while, but I didn’t know how you would take it.”
“I’m proud of you for telling me the truth,” I say. “I’m sure it wasn’t easy. But I think you’re doing the right thing by taking this time to work through shit and figure out what you want. You seem like you’re doing well here.”
He nods, but then something he said earlier triggers a realization.
“You said you didn’t remember that night?”
“Yeah,” he admits. “I thought it was weird because I didn’t drink that much, but I blacked out. I almost mentioned it a couple of times, but I was pretty sure you’d just think it was bullshit.”
“So, neither of us remembers.” I stuff my hands into the pocket of my hoodie and stare down at the pavers. “I thought it was just me. But both of us?”
I think back on the night we woke up in that bed. Kail looked shocked, but I assumed she was humiliated because half of BMA knew we’d just had a threesome, by all appearances. They were snapping photos, taunting us. I wasn’t thinking clearly. My head was still groggy, and the minute I realized Carson was beside her, I saw red.
I was pissed, and I was fucking jealous. The only thing I could think was that she’d betrayed me. I hated myself for allowing it to happen. Things got too crazy. We were all so drunk. It was the only explanation that made any sense. But Kail hated me so much after that night. She acted like I’d done something wrong even though she was the one demanding cash. It was hard to see past that, but now, I’m questioning everything. Did she wake up without any memory either? Is it possible I’ve been that fucking blind?
“I think we were drugged.” Carson gives voice to what’s already taking shape in my thoughts.
“Who the fuck would do that?” I stand and start to pace.
“Maybe the same person who bashed Kailani,” he offers quietly.
I come to a halt, pulse thrashing, eyes wild. “What?”
“Someone went at her with a baseball bat after practice,” he answers grimly. “They shattered her ankle. That’s what I was trying to tell you the morning you left. The school still doesn’t know who did it.”
No.
My head rattles in denial. I don’t want to believe it. But Carson would never lie about this. He knows I’d lose my shit. The urge to murder whoever did this to her is already coursing through my veins.
“Is she okay?” My voice barely registers.
“She’s alright,” he assures me. “Courtney’s been giving everyone updates. Kail is at home recovering until they think it’s safe for her to go back. The police interviewed all of us. They want to talk to you too.”
A sickening realization settles into my gut. I’ve been gone for two months. Kail was probably in the hospital, terrorized… and I just… fucking left her there.
I’m already heading for the exit when I glance over my shoulder at Carson.
“I get it,” he says. “You have to go.”27LandonThe flight back to Black Mountain is agonizingly slow. As soon as someone recognized me at LAX, it wasn’t long before the paparazzi showed up. They hassled me all the way to security, making the entire event a circus.
When I sat down on the plane, people kept stopping in the aisle to ask for an autograph, disrupting the entire boarding process. I didn’t think to stop and buy a hat or a pair of glasses in my urgency to get back home. All I wanted was a quiet flight where I could think, but I haven’t had a moment of peace, and I still have no idea how I’m going to fix this clusterfuck when I get back.
If my suspicions are correct, Kail has every reason to hate me. She trusted me to protect her, and I didn’t. When I look at the situation from her eyes, it feels so different now. What was going through her mind when she woke up in that bed? She looked at me, and instead of comfort or reassurance, she found a half-drunk idiot full of jealous rage.