She smirked, boldly leaning in. Her delicate hands moved down my chest in a slow, agonizing motion, causing my breath to hitch. Her fingers traced my pecs, moving down to the contours of my abs, stopping to trace all my tattoos along the way. As if she’d been wanting to since the first time she saw me shirtless on her balcony, all those years ago. Countless women had touched me the way she was right in that moment, more times than I cared to fucking count.
This was different.
This was so meaningful, so emotional, so goddamn loving.
This was Mia.
My Pippin.
When her hands started moving lower beneath my jeans, toward my cock, I roughly shoved them away.
She smiled.
Gently placing her hands on my shoulders, she gradually started to climb onto my lap, straddling my thighs. Just waiting for me to stop her.
I didn’t.
She sat up in my lap, tossing her hair over her shoulder. Using her arms to pull us closer together so our faces were now only inches apart. Her ample tits pressed against my chest, making my cock twitch from the simple delicate feeling. She wanted me to see her as a confident woman, showing me she was grown and no longer looking like a baby girl. But all the confidence in the world couldn’t take away the nervousness exuding off of her. The awkward way she was sitting on my thighs, the way she was anxiously anticipating my response and awaiting my next move.
But then…
She bit her lip, fucking baiting me.
“What do ya think is gonna go down here, Pippin?” I questioned, arching an eyebrow. My hands craved to grip her waist and show her exactly what to do with her pussy which was settled on my cock.
My fingers begging me to touch her, to feel her up against me. Aching for something I shouldn’t, knowing it would only lead to fucking trouble.
“You’re leaving,” she purred as if that answered everything.
“No shit.”
“What if you don’t come back? What if something happens to you? Then you’ll never know how I feel. How I’ve always felt. About you.”
“Jesus Christ,” I breathed out. “Pippin, you don’t—”
“Please,” she interrupted with the sincerest expression on her pretty little face that I’ve ever seen. “Don’t tell me what I can feel.” Grabbing my hand, she placed it over her racing heart. “You do this to me every time I’m around you. You’re the one person in my life who’s never made me feel like a child. I’ve known you since I was nine-years-old, Creed. And from the first moment I saw you, I’ve thought about you every day since. Please…”
“What do you want from me, Mia?” I asked, letting my hand slip from her chest and down her waist. Unable to handle the feel of her smooth, silky skin under my calloused palms.
I could see all the build up, months of anticipation, longing, and desire in her eyes as she hesitantly leaned forward, placing her hands back on my chest. Slowly bringing her lips to meet mine. It started off with just a peck until she opened her mouth seeking out my tongue.
This kiss was so much different from our last.
It was all her now, showing me everything I had fucking taught her, just to shut her up. I let it go on. I enabled her, allowing her to feel like she was in control for a few seconds. Carelessly letting my walls and reserve come crumbling down. She kissed me with all the passion she could muster, exploring my mouth in ways no one else ever had. Bringing me to the verge of fucking losing myself, getting lost in the moment.
Getting lost in her.
Forgetting who the fuck was straddling me. My hands gripped onto her thighs, itching to move up to the seam of her panties.
Fighting the battle between right and wrong.
But she smelled so fucking good…
A man could only take so much, and I was at my tipping point. I no longer had any control over my movements as she was sitting in my arms for the first time. Sliding my hands along her smooth thighs to feel her soft skin against my fingers. Gliding them up toward her waist, my thumbs pressing higher on the wire of her bra.
“You’re the prettiest thing I’ve ever laid eyes on,” I rasped against her lips, kissing her, claiming her, fucking devouring her.
She smiled, rotating her hips against my cock in approval. I gripped her waist hard like I wanted to do the second she straddled my lap. She gasped when I stood in one swift motion. Wrapping her legs around my waist from the sudden shift in power. I never stopped kissing her as I made my way back to the bed. Laying her down on the mattress, hovering above her heady frame, causing her breathing to escalate when she realized she was now beneath me.
“For fuck’s sake, what are ya doin’ to me?” I whispered, resting my forehead on hers, looking down at her swollen lips.
She was so beautiful.
So loving.
So fucking innocent.
The way she was looking at me as if I was everything she ever wanted.
Only encouraging me to keep going, I couldn’t help myself. I kissed her more aggressively than before, crashing our lips together as I hovered over her small body. Chastising myself mentally the entire time I continued to consume her mouth. Her hands went to the back of my neck, pulling me closer, but not nearly close enough. The kiss turned urgent and demanding, as she met each and every pull. It was full of emotion, mixed with pure lust and something else I’d never felt before.
My hands continued to roam over her body. Knowing I was the only man to have ever touched her this way was doing all sorts of things to my mind.
Especially my goddamn cock.
It was conflicting.
It was a struggle.
It was the first war I was willing to lose.
She tilted her head back, giving my lips more access to her flushed skin. I’d never been like this with any other woman, taking my time, wanting to explore every last inch of her body.
Needing her…
Wanting her…
In a way I never had with anyone else.
My mouth moved, kissing from her neck down to her collarbone, stopping just above her breasts that were rising and falling with every movement of my lips. I ran my tongue along the seam of her bra, leaving goose bumps in its wake. Looking up at her with hooded eyes, lightly blowing her aroused skin, watching her come undone. Wanting nothing more than to tear her bra off and take her perky tits into my eager mouth.
I resisted, flicking her hard nipple through the fabric instead before continuing down to her stomach. Slowly savoring the elevated heat of her body pressed up against mine. Getting hotter with each caress of my lips, touching her skin as I made my way to where I wanted to kiss her the most.
A moan escaped her lips.
And that was my undoing. Like a fucking rubber band snapping some sense into me. My brain taking over my cock, realizing what I was doing, what I was about to fucking do. I jumped off the bed, leaving her there panting and exposed. Breathless and aroused.
Because. Of. Me.
I tried to shake off all the bullshit she stirred inside of me. Holding my head between my hands, pacing around the room.
Knowing I’d just fucked up royally.
The first time I kissed her was mostly to shut her up. This time…
It was an entirely whole other reason, one that I would put a bullet in someone’s head for.
I took a deep breath. Grabbing my shirt off the chair and throwing it at her. “Put some goddamn clothes on,” I snapped, mostly pissed at myself for letting it go this far.
The last thing I wanted to do was hurt her feelings.
I walked out onto the balcony, leaving the slider open behind me. Lighting up a cigarette, leaning over the railing, needing to calm the fuck down. She stepped out shortly after, wearing nothing but my shirt and her panties. Closing the slider behind her.
“Hey…” She grabbed my arm, turning me to face her. “It’s okay, Creed.”
“It’s far from fuckin’ okay, Pippin.”
“I love you,” she said out of nowher
e, almost knocking me on my ass. “I’ve always loved you.”
“You don’t even know what that means, sweetheart. This is my fault. I shoulda never kissed you. I shoulda never crossed the line wit’ you. But throwin’ yourself at me… ain’t right.”
“Throwing myself? What the hell is that supposed to mean? I wasn’t throwing myself at you, asshole! I can’t believe you just said that to me! I love you!”
“Shit… Mia, you don’t know what you’re sayin’. You’re a kid. A goddamn virgin. Who just got her first kiss a week ago, and now you think you’re in love with me and want to fuck? Cuz that’s what I do. That’s who I am. Ain’t your boyfriend. Ain’t ever gonna be the man from your fairy-tales, darlin’. I’m barely even your fuckin’ friend.” I regretted the words as soon as they came out of my mouth.
She jerked back like I had slapped her in the face, and I guess in a way I just had.
“Pippin…” I reached for her, but she stepped back.
“Barely your friend?” she repeated, frowning. “So we’re not friends. I’m just some kid who’s a virgin and just threw herself at you. Yeah?” she mocked in a hurt tone.
“You’re fifteen,” I honestly spoke.
“I was still fifteen when I made your dick hard!”
“I’m a man, Mia. Doesn’t take much to get my cock hard. Especially when your dry fuckin’ the shit out of it with your pussy.”
She stood taller, eyeing me up and down. “You’re not fooling anyone but yourself, Creed. You’re using that as a cop-out, pushing me away because you’re scared. You’ve been my friend since the moment you waited for me on the beach, watching me surf. Smiling for the first time in who knows how long. As much as you want to fight it, I know you love me too! I can feel it in here.” She placed her hand over her heart.
“If you didn’t, you wouldn’t have stayed in my life for the last six years. Looking for me! Coming to see me! Telling me goodbye before you left for the military when you didn’t have to. Taking my courage patch with you! So you would still have a part of me with you even when you’re thousands of miles away. Reading all my letters I’ve sent you! Following me to the lake. Listening to me when you don’t listen to anyone. Caring about how I feel when you don’t even give a shit about how you’re feeling!” she argued, pausing to let her words sink in. She stepped toward me, getting right up in my face.
“Was that enough for you?” Cocking her head to the side. “No? How about… going to such extreme lengths to chase Rick away. My first date. Acting all jealous that I was out with someone who wasn’t you! Pretty much pissing on me, marking your territory as soon as you shoved my jacket against my chest. Not wanting any other guy’s eyes on me except yours! And if that wasn’t enough, you kissed me. Making damn sure your lips were the first ones I ever felt, not giving a shit that we were in a parking lot for anyone to see! Especially my brother! You had way more of a chance to get caught that night than we did here.” She took a deep breath, contemplating what she was going to say next.
“But most of all, you wouldn’t have let what just went down in there happen in the first place. As much as you think you’re no good for me, using the excuse I’m only fifteen! You want to make sure I only remember your touch. Your scent… your lips… your hands all over me. You want me to be yours, and that fucking scares you more than anything, because you’ve never wanted that from anyone else. Not any of the women you’ve slept with. Not even Autumn. So cut the fucking bullshit, soldier, and man the fuck up! You’re not hurting me… you’re only hurting yourself.”
I arched an eyebrow, grinning. Hating myself for what I was about to do, but she needed to get it through her head that we weren’t going to happen.
Not now.
Not ever.
I crossed over the line. I fucked everything up. She was right. I needed to man up, pushing her away the only way I knew how.
“Think you got me all figured out, yeah? You haven’t even scratched the fuckin’ surface, darlin’. I don’t love you. Not in love with you. When you flaunt your tits and pussy around, I’m gonna try to take it. I already told ya, I’m a man, I fuck. Don’t make you my fuckin’ girlfriend, sweetheart. Just makes ya another one of my whores.”
She shook her head, her eyes immediately watering with tears. “You’ve said enough. Can’t you see… are you that blind… my heart is bleeding out for you, Creed… you might have hurt me right now, but when you’re ready to admit it I won’t be there anymore.”
I spoke with conviction, even though it killed me inside. “Truth hurts. You’re a kid, Mia. I’m a grown-ass man who shoulda fuckin’ known better. End of story. Now take your ass back inside, you don’t belong in my fuckin’ bed.” With that, I left her there, knowing I’d just broke her heart.
Walking away from the only other person who had always been there for me.
Never expecting anything in return but for me to love her.
TWENTY-TWO
CREED
I was almost twenty-five years old and on my fourth deployment to Afghanistan. In a few short months, I would be honorably discharged from the Army for serving my country the last four years.
One thing I knew to be true…
I was more fucked up now than I was when I enlisted, that was for damn sure.
My unit had been overseas for the last six months, surviving the only way we knew how. Taking more lives, adding more deaths to the notches on our belts and losing ourselves a little more each day. It didn’t help that Mia stopped writing me, I hadn’t heard from her since I left her on the balcony of Giselle’s apartment eight months ago. I spent the last few days of my leave keeping my distance. Busying myself with the club and brothers. Giving her space. Feeling like the worst piece of shit for hurting her in the first place.
I didn’t expect her to stop writing me, not that I could blame her. But it fucking pissed me off nonetheless.
I missed her.
I missed her smart ass mouth, her wit, and the way she always caught me up on her life, making me feel like I was a part of it even when I was overseas. Always writing her letters in pink ink, signing it—Pippin XOXO.
Most of all, I missed the patches she sent me. Not just the funny ones which always made me laugh my ass off, but also the ones that had only one word of encouragement written on them. Sending them at times when I really need it, as if she knew. Sensing my despair like she felt me from the millions of miles between us. The last letter she sent me had her school picture in it. For some reason the day we left on deployment, I brought it back with me. Starting to carry it around with me everywhere.
Realizing for the first time how much I needed her in my life. How she had been the only constant blessing I had since the moment I met her.
“Seriously, man. Think about it. Had I not been forced to bend over and take it up the ass again, I’d either be eating steak or pussy right now,” Owen stated, pulling me away from my thoughts.
I chuckled, needing to laugh. Even though I was on full alert, glancing around the empty streets with him following behind me. Mason and the rest of our unit were in the opposite alley, surrounding the building we were patrolling. An eerie feeling I knew all too well crept up my spine. I shuddered with a chill, protectively moving out in front of Owen.
For a second I thought I saw movement out of the corner of my eye, but then a gust of wind blinded me with a fine, powdery dust from the dirt in the stale, dry air.
“Shhh… did you hear that?” I murmured, loud enough for him to hear me.
“Fuck no, I didn’t hear that. We’ve been here for seven fucking days, patrolling the same fucking area, over and over and over, and I haven’t heard a goddamn thing. Stupid motherfuckers. They don’t give a fuck about you, me, or anyone else. It’s all about the almighty dollar, Creed. You know it, and so do I. Three more weeks, my friend. Three more weeks and they all can suck my cock.”
I turned and pushed Owen, trying to give him a look, ordering him to post. “Shut the fuck up, Owen.”
He didn’t listen.
Owen had been fired up since they fucked up our orders to go home a little more than a month ago. Or so they said. We all knew why we were here, and it had nothing to do with paperwork. It didn’t take too many fucking brain cells to figure it out, but it didn’t matter. We hadn’t seen another soul on this mission for the last seven days. Making it easy for him to let his guard slip a little when he should have been on-point. Owen fucking knew better. He was just pissed about being there when we shouldn’t have been, letting it consume him to the point of carelessness.
I understood his frustrations. I wanted to go home, too. I was exhausted, game fucking over, but I was too close to getting us the fuck out of there to fuck it up now.
Owen cughed up fine dust, hacking up half a lung before continuing to be a goddamn idiot. “Chill, man. The whole unit has our back. Nobody’s fucking here. You know the first thing I’m doing when I get home, Creed? I’m taking a fucking bubble bath with my wife’s fancy-ass soap. I don’t care if it makes me a pussy. I don’t care if I smell like the poop fragrance she sprays after I take a shit in the bathroom. I’m fucking sitting in there, knowing, marinating in the fact that I never have to come back over here again. Breathing in this fucking shit that who the fuck knows if it will cause us fucking cancer one day. Or the whiff of rotting dead bodies every time the wind shifts.” He nodded behind him. “Did you see that shit?”
I did see it.
I saw everything, but I didn’t need to turn my head to see where the foul stench had come from. Just like everything I learned in all my years of service, my peripheral vision was sharper than most. With my eyes focused on the corner building, I avoided glancing to the pile of dead bodies.
From that point forward it all became a blur and not from the gust of wind filling my eyes with dry sand. It happened so fast, yet it seemed so fucking slow. I pulled my gun on a dog, running from an alley at the exact same time I caught the sniper out of the corner of my eye, aiming right for Owen. Quickly realizing the dog was a goddamn distraction ploy.
I took action, shoving him back as hard as I could, with my gun out in front of me. A bullet whistled through the desert air, just missing the back of my head. If I hadn’t shoved him, if I hadn’t moved him out of the way things could have been different, but they weren’t.