“Skyler, baby,” Eli whispered in my ear from behind, drawing me back to the present when my mind always seemed to be stuck in the past.
“Hmm…” I hummed, leaning into his embrace.
“It’s almost midnight. The D.J. is calling you.”
“Oh, right.” I smiled, nodding to my guards who were waiting to escort me over to the stage. Snapping right back to the shining star I was always destined to be.
As soon as I was standing in the booth beside the D.J., he shouted into the microphone, “Skyler Bell is in the house! Who’s ready to sing ‘Happy Birthday’ to her?! You ready?!”
The crowd went wild, and I breathed it all in. Feeling their energy, their love, their excitement for having me there, celebrating my birthday with them. Replacing the memory that would infinitely haunt me.
They all broke out in song, while the orchestra the club hired to play “Happy Birthday” performed along.
When they were done, everyone started chanting, “Sing! Sing! Sing!”
I laughed, throwing my head back. Appreciating that they once again saved me from myself without even knowing it.
“It’s not in your contract to perform tonight,” Lisa muttered from behind me. “You weren’t paid for that, Sky.”
I didn’t pay her any mind. Grabbing the microphone from the D.J.’s hand, I yelled, “How are you doing, Las Vegas?!”
“Skyler! Skyler! Skyler!” they repeated, hooting and hollering with huge smiles on their excited faces.
“I’m so happy and thankful to be here, celebrating my birthday with you all! But what was that? I don’t think I heard you correctly. Did you say you wanted me to sing to you? Is that what you were saying?”
“Sing! Sing! Sing!”
I caught Eli’s expression from the balcony as they continued on, he was laughing and shaking his head. Fully aware I was going to give my fans what they wanted. Not giving a shit I wasn’t getting paid for it. It wouldn’t be the first time I performed with no pay, and it wouldn’t be the last. I didn’t sing for the money, I sang for my fans. For me. It was the air I needed to finally be able to breathe for however long it lasted.
Beaming from head to toe, and without any thought, I blurted into the microphone, “Alright! Who’s a Radiohead fan?!”
The club went crazy, losing their shit as I walked over to the orchestra on the stage, behind the D.J. booth. “Can you guys help me out? You know the song ‘Creep’?”
“Of course,” one of them answered.
“Perfect! I want to give it a new spin. You think you can give me a bluesy beat and tempo for the song?”
Their eyes lit up, loving my idea.
I smiled, mouthing, “Thank you,” and turned back around. Hushing the crowd with my index finger against my lips as the stage lights dimmed. Dragging me to a deep, dark, depressing place. The state of mind I needed to be in to pull off this song. I waited until my fans silenced and all that could be heard was the first verse of the song that I softly rasped a cappella. Recognizing immediately why I’d chosen this song.
It was always his favorite.
The orchestra quickly followed, making me close my eyes to the soft strum of the melody, getting lost in the lyrics and the power music always held over me. Soothing my tortured soul. My sensations running wild with everything that was going on around me.
The crowd.
The alcohol and drugs.
The memories that came rushing back at warp speed because of this song. Battling to keep my emotions in check and the thoughts that attacked the forefront of my mind at a rapid pace.
One right after the other.
Refusing to let me go.
I channeled it into my performance. Strumming out the harmony perfectly, allowing the sound waves from the band’s instruments to bury themselves deep into my chest, into my vocal cords. Making itself at home inside of me. Contemplating how the words to this song reflected my life and how much I could relate to them. How much this song affected me, even after all this time.
All these years.
The emotions bleeding off of my voice, my God-given talent with no end in sight. Each word, each lyric, each high pitch, each low pitch…
Each.
Each.
Each.
I belted out the pre-chorus, my body shaking, shuddering, roaring to life. Becoming one with the ballad, expressing my agony, my mistakes, the past I could never change, no matter how much I yearned to or how much I prayed. Vanishing in the symmetry of the words and the rhythm of the tune.
The intensity of the stringed instruments pulled at my heart, mimicking my own sadness and despair, I conveyed it effortlessly through the microphone. The natural vibrations of my body guided me to the only other home I’d ever felt solace in.
Music was my peace.
I sang like it was my last show, as if my life, my happiness, my world depended on it.
For a moment, I was finally free from the demons that chained me beside Noah and his new family.
I instinctively opened my eyes, still singing to a jam-packed room of people. A faceless crowd, all except for the one person I’d never forget. The one soul that was eternally connected to mine.
Was I imagining him?
Was this really happening?
Was he here, for me?
Question after question flew through my mind with Noah undoubtedly…
Staring back at me.
THIRTY
SKYLER
Before I knew what was I was doing, a familiar desire came over me. A magnetic pull, pushing me toward him. My feet started moving, abruptly making their way up the stage, to the long, narrow staircase. All I could hear was the music and my voice, and all I could see was him and nobody else. I didn’t contemplate the repercussions of me stepping into the crowd, not when he was standing right there, right in front of me. Where I could feel him, breathe him in, finally see him up close.
He was really here.
For me.
Only for me.
The guards didn’t waver either, clearing a path for me to walk through, ushering fans out of the way and holding them back as a sea of arms reached out to touch me. Never once breaking our connection, we gazed deeply into each other’s eyes, as if the hundreds and hundreds of people around us simply disappeared into thin air. Everything faded out, the lights, the club, leaving only the music and us.
There was something excruciating about the way we looked at one another, from the way he watched me gravitate toward him, to the way I belted out the chorus with every last piece of my shattered heart. Fueled by an uncontrollable craze for the man I loved and lost. Each stride felt like it was burning a hole in the floor beneath me. Only adding to the longing to touch him, embrace him, be with him.
Not just now.
But forever.
And all the days in between.
I sensed it in my blood, throbbing through my veins, stirring a piercing sting in my mind, behind all the heartache and heartbreak.
Three steps…
Two steps…
One.
I hummed the jazzy verse, with an edgy rasp, “You’re so very special to me, I wish I was special to you.” My voice effortless and defined. Smooth like silk but so raw and so real, giving myself chills. “Oh… oh… she cries, and she cries, crying out.” Reaching for his hand, I set his warm palm on the center of my heated chest, right below my throat. Placing mine over his, aching for him to feel me through the lyrics of the song. Knowing the only way he could was by touching the source, feeling my misery and distress seeping through my skin for all I had done to him.
His lips parted.
His breath hitched.
He felt it.
Because he finally felt me.
I projected the high pitch chorus from deep within my core, deep within my soul, “But I’m a creep, I’m this weirdo. This fucked up person. I don’t know what I’ve been doing here, what the fuck have I been doing here?!”
We could see them,
feel them, breathe them in, the memories of us. Where I pretended he was mine, knowing all along he truly was.
His face…
His eyes…
His body…
Recalling how they felt on top of mine.
His lips…
His tongue…
His arms…
Consuming me all over again.
The expression on Noah’s face was somewhere in between pleasure and pain. His blue-green eyes burning into my flesh with a slight smile from feeling my pain. The two conflicting emotions going fist to fist, punch by punch, till one of them won.
Pain.
My voice dropped to a soft tone, as did the piano when I started singing the outro, “Whatever makes you happy… I just want you to be happy… I don’t care if it hurts…” My body fell forward, almost bringing me to my knees as my vocal cords strained to convey and exude the words that meant so much to him. Singing with everything I had left in me, “I can’t belong here, I’m not supposed to be here! Without you!” hitting that high note perfectly. Breaking down all my walls. All my barriers. Everything I ever placed in between us, leaving only my love for him.
Quivering.
Trembling.
Shuddering.
Until there was nothing left inside of me.
Once again, staring deep into his eyes, I faintly rasped the last verse of the song. Lastly saying those three little words the only way I knew how, “I’m a creep, I’m a weirdo, but I love you… I always loved you…”
Noah didn’t hesitate, he grabbed my hand that was still over his on my chest and tugged me toward him. Engulfing me in nothing but his whiskey, cigarette, and fresh, clean scent. Wrapping his arms around me, pressing me close to his solid, muscular frame.
He breathed out into my ear, “Hey, Cutie,” causing shivers to course throughout my entire body.
My heart pounded against his chest, to the point I knew he could feel it because I could feel his too.
And finally, after all these years, after all this time, and all the memories… I felt him.
Felt us.
Home.
My eyes watered, soaking up this moment for as long as I could. But when the crowd began cheering, it was like a bucket of freezing cold water was poured on top of my already frenzied, heightened skin. Everything came back full force. The fans surrounding us, the bright, flashing lights above us, including the fact that I wasn’t there alone.
My entourage…
Eli.
Noah didn’t know this life.
I jolted as soon as I heard the D.J. shout into the microphone, “Now that was one hell of a fucking performance! Give it up for Skyler Bell and this monumental moment!”
In a matter of seconds, the guards sprang into action by grabbing me before chaos erupted and things turned crazier than they already were. Then I already made them. Ripping Noah away from me in the process.
“No! He’s with me!” I shouted over the noise, panic rapidly taking over. “Let go of me! He’s with me!” I broke free, running and grabbing his hand. Pulling him along as the guards did crowd control.
They steered us into the elevator, and the minute the doors closed, Noah and I locked eyes again. He was standing across from me, leaning up against the steel wall with his arms crossed over his chest. Silence filled the small space between us as his eyes drank me in and I couldn’t help but do the same. He looked better than I remembered. Older and more defined. He’d always been big for his age, though now he was massive. Wearing his signature white shirt that emphasized every last muscle of his solid chest and sculpted arms, like he lived our years apart at the gym.
Gone was the boy I fell head over heels in love with, and in his place, stood the man he’d grown up to be. Covered in more tattoos, sporting fully colored ink from his neck, down to the sleeves of his arms and hands. Only accentuating his bad boy, I-don’t-give-a-fuck kind of look that only Noah could ever pull off.
My mouth watered and my thighs clenched.
He grinned, reading my body language with that same predatory regard. Making me remember the last time I saw that expression on his face. It was geared toward a girl that wasn’t me. Carrying his baby.
I winced. It was quick, but he saw it. I opened my mouth to say something, however shut it just as quickly. Terrified of what might come out. We hadn’t spoken in over four years and there was so much I wanted to ask him, but I was too afraid to hear what he’d confess. So I forced a smile, adverting my gaze toward the guards leading us back to my table instead.
As we rounded the corner, I was completely side swiped when Eli rushed over to me and picked me up off the ground. “Goddamn, babe! Your voice never ceases to amaze me!”
“Eli—”
“Oh. My. God, Sky! You fucking killed it!” Melania chimed in, tugging me away from Eli. Handing me a drink. “I can’t believe you didn’t tell us you were performing!”
“I wasn’t sup—”
“Who’s that?” Her focus drifted toward Noah, who was now glaring daggers at Eli.
What about the girl?
His baby?
Are they no longer together?
Eli didn’t even notice, he was too busy socializing with everyone around us. Always the life of the party.
“Hi, I’m Melania,” she introduced herself, holding her hand out in front of her. “Sky’s single best friend.” She winked.
I rolled my eyes as Noah shook her hand before nodding over to me, he replied with a grin, “I’m her number one fan.”
A sly smile slowly crossed my face. The memories of all the times he said that to me appeared in the forefront of my mind. “More like borderline stalker.”
He let out a throaty laugh, making my stomach flutter. I couldn’t help it. Him being here right now with me, brought back so many mixed emotions. Feeling like that teenage girl all over again.
“Oh, that’s so sweet,” Melania enticed, rubbing his arm. “Maybe you’d like to be my fan too.”
“Melan—”
“Come on, birthday girl,” Eli interrupted me, turning my body to face him. “Let’s go celebrate your performance with you snorting a rail off my dic—”
“Eli!” My eyes snapped back to Noah, hoping he didn’t hear him.
Fuck he heard him.
He stepped forward with his fists clenched at his sides, his nostrils flared, his jaw tense. I knew that look, and what was about to go down if I didn’t stop him. I moved out in front of Noah’s intimidating stature, towering over mine. Softly placing my hands on his broad, rock hard chest, halting his descent.
I shook my head, begging him with my eyes. “Please… the press. If you start something, it will be on the front cover of every magazine in a few hours. Not to mention all over social media. Please… for me. Do it for me.”
After a few seconds, he reluctantly backed off, but his murderous glare shifted from me, toward the piles of cocaine on the table.
“Noah—”
It was his scrutinizing stare that rendered me speechless. Cocking his head to the side, he took me in again, except this time there was a baffled yet concerned expression spread across his face. Directed at the woman standing in front of him, who he still thinks left him behind.
I bit my lip, feeling his apprehension as he searched for the girl he once knew. The one he saved at the river all those years ago. The same one who stole his heart with her voice, singing about tomorrow.
His sunshine and happiness.
I held his gaze until the sensations became too much. Redirecting my attention back over to Eli, but it didn’t matter. I could still feel Noah’s stare burning into every inch of my body.
What happened that brought him to Vegas? Was his family here too? Did I get this all wrong? But why would he be looking at me like that? Maybe he was just here for closure?
Countless questions rambled through my mind, and I wasn’t going to get any answers still standing here with Eli.
Placing my hand on my stomach for ef
fect, I lied to him, “I’m not feeling that well. I think I’m just exhausted and may have overdone it with the drinking and everything else. I’m going to call it a night and head to my suite.”
“Fuck, babe,” he exclaimed in a shocked but worried tone. “Let me grab my blazer, and we’ll head on up.”
“No.” I shook my head. “Don’t do that. I’m fine. I just want to be alone. Stay, enjoy the night. Go find some aspiring model or actress to sleep with,” I nervously chuckled, saying it more for Noah’s sake than his.
Although, in Noah’s eyes, nothing would make having a fuck buddy versus a boyfriend any better, but I still chose the first one. Hoping it would at least derail his pissed-off demeanor aimed at Eli and me.
Nope, not even a little.
If anything, it only intensified.
I should have known better. Eli was as perceptive as they come, it came with the territory when you were a jack of all trades. His eyes wandered toward Noah, and the tension was suddenly so thick, you could cut it with a knife. But without any hesitation whatsoever, Eli walked over to him in three confident, determined strides. Making my eyes bulge out of my head.
“I’m Eli.” He held out his hand. “And you are?”
My heart started beating its way up to my throat. The pulsating red, blue, and green club lights blurred by while the house music muffled in my ears as Noah took one look at his gesture and scoffed at him. Through the slits of his eyes, his lethal glare deliberately zeroed in on me, like we were the only two in the room.
He spitefully answered him, speaking with conviction, “I’m nobody.”
Knocking the fucking wind right out of me.
THIRTY-ONE
SKYLER
“Who are you to her?” Noah followed up, nodding over at me where I stood as frozen as ice.
“What I am to Skyler is none of your business.”
Noah maliciously grinned, stepping up to him. “Is that right?”
“No!” I jumped in between them, placing my hands on Eli’s chest to back him away. Feeling Noah’s fury now geared toward me.
This was déjà vu all over again, except we weren’t seventeen, and Eli wasn’t Keith.