I waited in the kitchen and made sure that all the food was perfectly placed on the island. I had my chef prepare some authentic island food and then displayed it nicely for them. I hoped they were hungry. I had spent the last two days cleaning the house from top to bottom and made sure that the guestroom was immaculate. Christian’s bedroom was finished and I decked it out with everything he said he liked during Christmas.
When Sebastian suggested to Julia that they stay with us, she jumped right on it. She said she thought it was a great idea and it would give us time to get to know each other and show Christian that we could all be a family. I’m not going to lie, it gave me anxiety that she was being so nice. I couldn’t help but be reminded of Madam always saying to keep your friends close and your enemies closer, maybe that’s what she was trying to do, or maybe that’s what I was trying to do.
I heard the garage door open and I took one last look around, and then at myself in the mirror. I dressed in a maxi dress with some wedges.
“Dad! Wow! Your house is huge!” Christian yelled, walking in with everyone following.
Chance immediately darted toward them, jumping all over Julia’s white dress.
Shit!
“Chance!” I scolded. “Get down!”
She waved me off. “Oh no, don’t worry about it; we have a dog, too. It’s fine.”
Christian got down to his level and Chance licked him all over his face, making him laugh.
“I’m sorry, he has no manners. Sebastian’s always telling me I need to discipline him more, I guess he’s right,” I embarrassingly justified.
She kindly smiled at me, and I thought for a second I saw something behind her eyes, but just as fast as it appeared, it was gone.
“Wow! That’s a lot of food. It’s beautiful, Ysabelle, where did you buy all those serving trays?” she asked, looking it all over.
“I actually got them online. I do a lot of online shopping; it’s easier for me. The bar and Sebastian keep me busy.”
She nodded. “Oh yes, I remember needy Sebastian.”
I raised my eyebrows, feeling somewhat uncomfortable.
“Is this what you guys are going to do the entire time?” Sebastian asked, laughing.
“Awe! Sebby,” she sympathized, patting his back and looking back at me. “He’s very sensitive. I’m sure you already know that.”
I shyly smiled. “Yeah,” I lied.
“Can I see my room?” Christian chimed in.
“Of course,” I replied. “Come on.”
They all followed me toward his room, admiring the house as they went.
“This is really beautiful. Sebastian has finally found someone who loves the water as much as he does. He wanted to decorate our house with all this Caribbean feel.”
I smiled, feeling a bit more relaxed.
“This is your room,” I announced, standing aside so everyone could walk in.
“Wow! This looks awesome. Dad, you did a great job.”
“Actually, bud, this was all Ysabelle.”
Julia looked at me with glossy eyes and it surprised me. “Thank you,” she said with sincerity.
“It’s not a problem. I remember him saying all the stuff he liked in Colorado, I have a good memory.”
“You didn’t have to do all this. Thank you so much for including Christian in your home.”
“Of course,” I replied.
“Christian, what do you say?” she scolded.
He walked over to me and smiled. “Thank you.”
I gave them a tour of the house while Ysabelle got dinner ready. She said she had to warm up some of the food that was brought over earlier.
“This is quite a house you got here, Sebastian,” Anthony stated, looking at the water from the lanai. Julia was unpacking in the guestroom.
I handed him a beer.
“Thanks, I can’t really take credit for it. Ysabelle picked out the house.”
“She has good taste,” he said, taking a sip of his beverage.
“She does.”
“How do you like living on the island?”
“I love it. It’s great. I’m living the dream, you know?”
“Yeah, although I doubt I could ever get Julia to move somewhere like this.”
I chuckled. “Good luck with that. I used to have a hard time getting her to go in the water.”
“I really admire how you guys are handling this whole co-parenting thing. You know most divorced people fuck everything up for each other. I’m a divorce attorney so I would know.”
“Right…Julia had said something about that.”
“It’s admirable, man, seriously. I respect it.”
“I appreciate that. We seem to have a good grasp on it so far. It’s been fairly easy. How are you guys doing?”
“Can’t complain. She’s a great woman.”
“She is. You’re a lucky man.”
I heard someone clear their throat and we turned around to find Ysabelle standing there. She looked sad and I didn’t understand why, but she quickly smiled, trying to hide the fact that I noticed it.
“Dinner’s ready.”
We sat at the table. Ysabelle was being overly quiet and I never wanted to know what she was thinking as badly as I did at that moment.
“Dad, when can you take us out on the boat?”
“Oh my God! If I hear about this boat one more time, Sebby, I’m going to kill myself,” Julia dramatically claimed. “That’s all he talks about, isn’t it Anthony?”
“She’s right, he’s a bit obsessed.”
“He really is your child, he’s more and more like you every day. I’m just going to start calling him Baby Sebastian.”
“Mom.” He rolled his eyes. “I’m not a baby.”
“You’ll always be my baby.” She blew him a kiss. “I’m serious, though; do you remember that thing you used to do when we were kids? You know what I’m talking about, right?”
I snapped my tongue in my mouth, making the sound that used to annoy the hell out of her.
“Yes! That! He does it, Sebastian! I don’t know where he would learn it? You haven’t done it since Olivia—” She looked right over at Ysabelle and I followed.
The look on her face was unrecognizable. I had never seen it before and it worried me that I couldn’t read her.
Where was my girl?
She casually smiled. “You were saying?”
Julia shook her head. “Never mind.”
“So, man, tell me about this boat that I keep hearing about?” Anthony asked, clearing the air.
I grabbed her hand under the table and she let me, squeezing it back in reassurance.
“Sebastian, go hang out with the guys, Ysabelle and I can clean up,” Julia suggested.
Please don’t make me look bad…
“Ysa, you okay with that?” he asked, looking over at me.
Damn it.
“Why wouldn’t I be?” I nonchalantly responded.
“See! Go!” she insisted, patting his chest.
Dinner was eye opening to say the least. They shared so much of their lives together, as children and now as adults. It was hard to watch the familiarity of the way they spoke and acted around each other. I thought I knew him pretty well, but I realized that I barely knew anything. She had his past, and in a way, she would have his future, too. Christian tied them together for life, and part of me knew that it wasn’t just Christian. There’s this history between them that I will never be able to touch or even come close to, realizing that was a brutal awakening. They shared a love for each other that I couldn’t begin to understand.
“Ysabelle,” she said, taking me away from my thoughts.
“Yeah, I’m sorry, did I zone out?”
She smiled. “Yeah, you okay?”
I nodded, grabbing the plates off the table. “Thanks for helping me clean up, but you don’t have to; I can handle it.”
“Oh no, I know what it’s like to have to clean up by myself.”
; Of course, you did. You had him first.
“Sebastian tells me that your bar is amazing. That’s inspiring that you started it from nothing.”
“It wasn’t really that hard. Tropical Island, vacation spot, alcohol, food, girls…it brings them in the door.”
“Your bar was voted top three places to visit in the Caribbean–that’s not nothing.”
“Yeah, I guess you’re right,” I responded, loading the dishwasher.
I was confused when I saw her look under the sink.
“Do you have any cleaning supplies so I can clean off the table?”
“Oh yeah…umm…I keep them in the laundry room…but yeah, I should probably keep them under the sink. It would probably make it easier for cleaning the kitchen.”
She smiled. “I’ll go get it.”
Way to go, Ysabelle, you don’t even know where to put cleaning supplies. This is why Sebastian thinks that Anthony is a lucky man.
“Did it take you long to find this house?” she questioned as she wiped down the table.
“It’s actually pretty random. His parents were looking at properties and we sort of stumbled upon this house.”
“Oh, that’s right, Mom did tell me that.”
“Your mom?” I asked without thinking.
Her eyes caught mine and she looked like a deer in headlights. “No…I mean Sebastian’s mom, I'm just so used to calling her Mom. We’ve been calling each other’s parents Mom and Dad since we were kids. It’s silly really.” She lowered her gaze to the table, continuing to wipe it down and I returned to loading the dishwasher as if I didn’t feel like I just took a bullet. “It’s a beautiful house. It must have cost a small fortune.”
“It did but we split it so it would have been a lot worse if it was all on him,” I informed, wanting her to see that I wasn’t a gold digger, that I had my own money.
“Oh…and Sebastian was okay with that?”
“What do you mean?”
“He’s just always been the provider and he takes that role really seriously.”
Fuck…was I wanting to buy the house together making him feel like he wasn’t a man? Had I fucked that up, too?
“I’m just surprised is all…not that it’s a bad thing or anything. I’m not saying that at all,” she mumbled and it was the first time I saw her nervous. “I mean…I think it’s awesome that you’re an independent woman. Sebby definitely needs a woman like that.”
“Why do you call him Sebby?” I asked, trying to change the subject.
She laughed. “Our parents said I couldn’t pronounce Sebastian when we were babies. I started calling him that and it’s just stuck. I should probably stop doing that. He hates it.”
“You guys have shared so much of your lives together.”
She nodded. “We have. He’s a good man, Ysabelle. You’re very lucky to have found each other.”
I couldn’t tell if she was being sincere, but it didn’t stop me from hoping that she was.
Three days went by and I took everyone out on the boat. We had spent the last couple of days sightseeing. Christian was in love with the island; he said he wanted to move there when he was eighteen and be my co-captain. Anthony was a nice guy; I sensed he was in love with Julia and I think she was, too. They looked happy. I didn’t remember the last time I had seen her so content, she was usually all over the place when we were married. She looked like she had slowed down and started to enjoy life and it made me wonder what she learned out of our time together, and out of our divorce. I wondered if it was similar to what I had.
Ysabelle remained distant and with each day, it seemed to be getting worse. She talked less and interacted fewer. I could see that Julia was trying to make her feel comfortable, but she was too stuck in her own head to notice it. I thought the trip would have made them closer or even us closer and now I feared it was the exact opposite. I wanted to make everything better and I knew that there wasn’t anything I could do to accomplish that. At some point, I knew we would have to discuss everything, but I didn’t want to do it with them being in the house. There was enough tension on her behalf and I didn’t want to add to it.
It was a beautiful day outside and the weather was perfect; there were no waves, just solid flat surface. Ysabelle was laying out on the bow and I think she fell asleep. I watched her beautiful hair blow in the wind and her perfect figure get darker by the minute. I was so in love with her I couldn’t see straight. I wanted to make her my wife, to have her take my last name. As a man, we have this primitive desire to claim what’s ours and part of me felt like I wouldn’t truly have all of her until we were married.
The urge to want to see her belly grow with my child grew with each passing day as well. I wanted nothing more than to have a family with her and to be husband and wife. I wanted to look deep into her gorgeous green eyes that showed me the world and say my vows that I felt so deeply in my soul. I thought when I found my way back to her that it was going to be enough, that if I gave her time, she would see everything that I hold so strongly in my heart.
She hasn’t.
I was starting to think that she never would. She was blinded by whatever demons she couldn’t surpass and I couldn’t help her. I never could. The mere thought of it could almost destroy me, but I’d pick myself back up again. I’d remember that she was in my arms and that was good enough for me. Nothing else mattered when I was holding her. The world stopped moving and time paused. It was just us.
She stirred and then looked over at me with her pouty sleepy face.
My girl.
I would give you the world if you would let me.
I had taken them to a private island Ysabelle and I frequented. We decided to grill out and spend the day relaxing under the sun in seclusion.
“Dad! You want to throw around the ball?”
“Of course!”
“I’m in, Anthony fell asleep,” Julia said, standing up and brushing off sand.
“Ysa?”
“No, I’m okay,” she responded.
We spent the next hour throwing around the ball.
I pretended to be reading, but I couldn’t tear my eyes away from the scene before me. It was like a car accident that I knew I needed to look away from because it was going to cause me pain, but I couldn’t help myself. My eyes were glued to the image before me. I stared at the family that was in front of me. They looked perfect together, playing with the son that they both adored and were devoted to.
How could I have destroyed something so beautiful?
They fit flawlessly. It brought back the memory of when I saw them at the dog park. The day my world and illusions came tumbling down on me like a ton of fucking bricks, suffocating me and making it hard to breathe.
Had I ever really resurfaced?
I could still feel the love and devotion as much as I did that day. It radiated off of them. The easiness of how they worked together was blowing in the wind and I was inhaling it into my bloodstream. They laughed, smiled, and played like they had been doing it their entire lives, and the truth was, they had. They shared a life before me and they would share one after me. I was the odd man out in this equation.
The way Julia catered to Christian, the way she knew each and every mannerism, how it effortlessly came to her, like she was born to be a mother. I knew in that moment that it would never be me. I took care of myself since I was a child, my mother stripped away every last shred of my innocence the second I was born. I hated her. I was raped and my virginity was stolen from me because she wanted more money.
Who the fuck does that?
Someone’s whose blood runs through my veins.
I felt all the color drain from my face when Christian fumbled the ball and Sebastian and Julia tackled him. They rolled around in the sand and Sebastian picked Christian up, throwing him over his shoulder as Julia ran behind, holding on to his arms. They were cheering and singing. They were the family that I always dreamed about.
I was not a good person. I ruined Christian’s life, the life that I so badly wanted when I was a child. I needed to get my shit together before I started to cry.
When did I turn into this weak woman?
Who am I?
“I need the job done within the next few weeks. It needs to look like an accident,” I ordered.
“Madam, with all due respect, do you have any idea what you’re asking? How dangerous it could be?”
“Pablo, did I ask for your opinion?”
He shook his head no.
“I didn’t think so. Now, either you get the job done or I’ll find someone who will.”
“Madam, we have known each other for decades now. What would possess you to want to fake an attack that could get you killed?”
“It’s none of your fucking business. And, am I paying you to think? No. You’re getting paid so that I don’t have to worry about dying. If something happens to me, guess whom it will fall on? Any guesses? Here I’ll give you a hint, he’s standing in this room and he’s acting like a pussy.”
He stood up straighter. “How bad does it have to be?”
“You have to almost kill me.” I sat back in my chair and crossed one leg over the other. “Trust me, darling, I will be high as a fucking kite, I won’t feel a thing.” I smiled.
“Jesus, Madam, have you lost your goddamn mind?”
“I think you need to remember whom you’re talking to. Where are your fucking manners? I’m a lady,” I said, placing my hand on my chest. “Now, get the fuck out of my office. You have two weeks.”
The time has come.
Mine.
Tick tock.
“Come here,” I groaned, grabbing her around the waist and placing her in front of my body. We were lying sideways in bed and I wrapped my entire body around her. I loved feeling her petite frame under me.
“You’ve been so quiet these last few days. What’s up?” I asked, nuzzling the back of her neck.
“Nothing, I’m fine,” she argued, kissing my arms around her shoulders.
“I find it interesting that you still don’t think I know when you’re bullshitting me.”