Still there are things that surprise me about Reed. I had no idea how aggressive he would be in bed. He dominates me, moving me where he wants. Taking what he wants. I didn't know how much I’d enjoy that, but I do. It turns me on.
I love being under his control. And the fact that I can drive him to lose a little bit of his control. But I don’t know that part of Reed; maybe that’s how he always is. I push that thought away not wanting to think about Reed and other women. He’s been the only man for me since I was a little girl. I’ve loved him for so long from afar that I want to enjoy each and every second of him while I can.
“Just think about it. I’m scared you’re going to get too deep into this and then it will all fall apart.” I am scared of that too.
“Hey, weren't you the one who kept trying to convince me that he’s in to me?”
“I know but I still worry.”
“It’s already too late. I’m in deep.”
“Okay. I should have known. You've loved that man forever. He better love you back or I’m going to show up over there.” I fight a laugh because I know she would. I change the subject, not wanting to talk about Reed and me not being together.
“When are you coming?”
“As soon as I can. I’ve got to work out a few details and then I’m hitting the road.”
“I can’t wait.”
“Me too. I love you.”
“Love you too. Bye.” She hangs up. I drop back in my chair, thinking about what she said. While I’ve been so happy this week, in the back of my mind I’m worried too. What if Reed does want me but he’s worried about what other people might say? He keeps his personal life so secret that I don’t even know a lot of things.
I don’t know why I’m always wondering about who his exes might be. I think it’s because he never really talks about it. So I figure he wants to keep it private. He recently admitted that one of the girls was made up so everyone would leave him alone about dating. But everyone knows that you don’t need to date in order to have sex.
The thought of Reed being with someone else intimately makes my stomach turn. His skills in the bedroom make me think he’s had practice. Because he knows exactly how to pleasure my body. I could ask him, but is it really my business? This is the constant dilemma I find myself in.
I stand up from my desk, heading toward the kitchen. Rita is making a pie when I enter. “Can I get you something?” she asks.
“I’m going to pack a lunch and take it to Reed.”
“At his office?” She turns to fully face me.
“Yeah. Should I not?”
“You two have gotten close lately.” She eyes me. Does she know? Reed touches me more outside the bedroom than before. Teasing me and tickling me too. I’m sure Rita has seen it. I nod my head as I start to make some sandwiches. “If you ever want to talk, I’m here.” I look back up at her. She’s concerned about me.
“Thank you. That means a lot.” When it comes to sex, my mom would die before she’d broach the subject. It is nice to know someone is there if I need it. It reminds me that I need to reach out to my doctor about birth control. I had a check-up last month, so I would think I’m good to go.
I finish packing the lunch before heading down. I suck it up, getting into a cab. I could never walk that far. I let out a sigh of relief when I see it’s a woman. I wonder if I’ll ever get past these fears. Does it really matter much if I don’t? I did just take a step towards getting past them by getting into a cab. That has to be progress.
I give her the address before I reach out to my doctor's office to see about them calling in a prescription for me. When I step out of the cab, I look up at the giant building in front of me. Sometimes I forget how big and powerful Reed Weston has become. When we’re in bed it’s only the two of us. Nothing else. This can be intimidating.
I head inside the building noticing that security is checking everyone as they come in. “Ms. Morgan, you can come this way.” I jerk my head around to look to one of the men who is waving me in to bypass security. How the heck did he know my name?
“Thanks.” I give him a smile as I head towards the elevator. I freeze when I see a bunch of people waiting to get on. I can do this, I tell myself. I’m in Reed’s office building and nothing bad is going to happen. I silently repeat those words to myself over and over. I step on with everyone else hitting the button to go to Reed’s office. The ride is long with people getting off one by one on different floors. Finally I’m alone as we reach the top. The doors slide open. I step out wondering which way I should go.