He stared at her for a long time. “I never forgave her for telling me about you and Drew.”
His voice was low and flat. Despite her innocence, she flushed. The humiliation was hard to escape.
Paula had come to the house to do whatever she could to break up Jesse and Matt. Nicole had told her that Jesse no longer lived there and had gone into detail as to why. Paula hadn’t wasted any time in rushing to tell her son about Jesse’s supposed affair with her sister’s husband.
Jesse still ached with the unfairness of what had happened. She’d gotten away with so much when she’d been a teenager, then she’d been damned by something that hadn’t happened at all.
“I never forgave her for that,” Matt said. “Not for telling me, but for being so happy about it.”
“She’s sorry,” Jesse said, feeling that the Paula issue was more easily fixed than her own situation. “She misses you.”
“You’re taking her side?” He sounded surprised.
“Yes. I told you, she’s changed. She’s been great to me and Gabe. I wish she and I could have become friends five years ago. We both had you in common.”
“You’re giving her too much credit.”
“I don’t think so. We all make mistakes.”
He looked at her. “Including you?”
“My list is long and impressive, but it doesn’t include sleeping with Drew.”
“Jesse,” he began.
She shook her head. “No, Matt. I have to say this. I have to explain.” For the second time that day, she told the story of that horrible night. When Drew had sat on the edge of her bed and she’d poured out her heart and he’d told her she wasn’t a one-guy woman. She left out the part about finding the engagement ring, saying instead that she knew she was in love with him and terrified of messing up. An equal truth, she thought.
“I never slept with him,” she concluded. “I never wanted to. He was wrong about me. You were the one I was in love with. Just you.”
She couldn’t tell what he was thinking, if he believed her or not. She wished there were better words to convince him.
“I know you’ve spent the past five years thinking the worst of me,” she said. “I know it’s going to take a little time to consider that there might be another explanation for what happened. Can you at least be open to the possibility?”
“I can try.”
“It’s a place to start.”
The server returned with their bottle of wine. After she’d opened it and Matt had tasted it, she poured them each a glass and left.
He picked up his wine. “To new beginnings.”
She touched her glass to his and hoped new beginnings were possible.
They ate their salads and talked about how Seattle had changed. When the entrées arrived, she asked him about his business. “When did you go out on your own?”
“Four years ago. I had some ideas that didn’t fit in with what I’d been doing at Microsoft. With the money I had from the games I’d licensed, I was able to start up without bank financing.”
“And keep all the profits for yourself.”
“How do you know there are profits?” he asked.
“I’ve seen your house.”
“I’ve been fortunate.”
More than that, she thought. “Now you’re the boss. How does that feel?”
“I like it,” he admitted. “Having a staff means I can focus on what I want to do. They take care of the details.” He cut into his chicken. “You’d like my assistant. Diane. She’s opinionated and does her best to run my life.”
“I’m surprised you allow that.”
“I don’t, but she ignores me.”
“Then she must be really good at her job.”
“She is.”
Jesse liked that Matt kept a mouthy assistant around, although she couldn’t say why. Did it make him more approachable? More like the man she remembered?
“Are you ever going to believe me?” she asked. “Is this ever going to be okay?”
He looked at her for a long time before reaching across the table and touching her hand. “I want it to be,” he said.
And for now, that was enough.
CHAPTER SIX
AFTER DINNER, MATT WALKED Jesse to her car. The meal had been an interesting combination of comfortable and awkward. They managed a few minutes of easy conversation, only to reach another bump. Jesse told herself that while she’d had years to work everything through, this was still new to Matt. She had to give him time.
She was oddly aware of him as they crossed the parking lot. It was summer, and the sun still hadn’t completely set, despite the fact that it was near nine.
“Thanks for dinner,” she said when they reached her Subaru. “We needed to talk.”
He touched her cheek with the back of his fingers. “I understand why you’re here,” he told her. “I’m working the problem.”
“Someone’s been to management seminars,” she teased.
He grinned. “More than I want to admit to.”
“You must hate them.”
“Every second.”
“All that group bonding.”
“Not my style,” he admitted.
That hadn’t changed, she thought. He’d always been more of a one-on-one guy. And speaking of one-on-one…
He seemed to be standing a little too close. He was still touching her cheek and she could feel definite heat where their skin brushed. His eyes were so dark, she thought, her brain getting fuzzy. She remembered when getting lost in them was the best way to spend a day. Was that still true?
“Dammit, Jesse,” he murmured.
Was he upset about the past? Aware of the growing tension between them? Thinking about kissing her as much as she thought about kissing him?
She knew she had to keep things light. Try to establish a friendship so he would be in a good position to get to know his son. Anything else would be a mistake. Only this was Matt and he’d been the last man she’d kissed. She suddenly ached to feel his mouth on hers, his arms around her. She wanted to feel aroused and safe at the same time. She wanted—
He leaned in and kissed her, just as she’d hoped he would. A light kiss that allowed her time to adjust to the reality after years of living on fantasy.
His mouth was exactly as she remembered. Warm and firm, but just soft enough to make her want more. She leaned in slightly, putting her hand on his upper arm where she felt his strong muscles. He cupped her jaw, then tilted his head and licked her lower lip.
Electricity shot through her. Need burned hot and bright, melting every part of her. She went from interested to intense in a heartbeat.
He put his free hand on her spine, above her butt. He used just enough pressure to draw her closer, but not so much that she felt she was going to be forced. Which made her want to shift nearer on her own.
Parts of her began to ache. It had been forever, she thought dreamily, and here she was, back where she’d started. She couldn’t help remembering how it had been between them—all passion and surrender. She wanted that again. Wanted all of it.
He deepened the kiss, then pulled back and kissed her jaw, the side of her neck before returning to her mouth. She felt herself getting swept away. The fact that they were in a restaurant parking lot didn’t really matter. There was only the moment and the man.
He kissed her over and over, arousing her with each stroke of his tongue. But something was different and that difference was what brought her back to reality.
She became aware of the way he slowly circled her spine with his palm. It was deliciously exciting and made her want to purr, but it wasn’t anything he’d ever done before. He dropped his hand from her jaw to her shoulder and lightly rubbed her bare arm. Again, thrilling but not Matt. Even his kisses were different. They were more perfect, more practiced. He was a man who knew how to arouse a woman in a matter of seconds.
She hadn’t taught him that.
She drew back and told herself it didn’t matter. That it had been a long time and of course he’d been with other people. But it hurt to have proof that his life had gone on.
“Jesse?”
She forced herself to smile. “Impressive. You know your way around a good seduction.”
“I’ve always enjoyed kissing you.”
It was true, Matt thought, knowing that getting Jesse into bed would be pleasurable for them both. So what if he had a good time? That didn’t mean he wouldn’t walk away when it was over.
“You’re kissing differently,” she said, then looked away as if she hadn’t expected to admit that.
“I’ve had practice.”
“I can tell.”
There was something in her voice. Annoyance? Hurt? He’d done his best to be charming during dinner—all part of the plan—and now he reminded himself there was a goal. Still, his temper flared to life.
“Did you expect me to live like a monk after you left?” he asked.
She met his gaze. “No. I expected you to take everything I’d taught you and use it on someone else.”
She was hurt and angry, he thought. Welcome to the club.
“Then you’re not disappointed,” he said. “I took everything I learned with you and put it to good use.” When she shivered, he added, “Come on, Jess. It’s not like you’ve been living a solitary life yourself. You’ve had guys around. That was always your style.”
She stepped back. “I told you before. There hasn’t been time. You have no idea what it’s like to be a single parent.”
“You’re right about that.” Because of her, he didn’t know anything about being a parent. “What about Uncle Bill? Gabe likes him.”
“He’s a friend. Nothing more.”
“Right.”
She glared at him. “Where do you get off judging me? I’ve told you the truth.”
“It’s hard to believe. It’s been five years. That’s a long time to go without getting laid. And before you and I hooked up, you’d always had a guy around. No, wait. You had a guy around even when we were together.”
“You know that’s not true.” Her mouth twisted. “But let’s not let a little thing like the truth get in the way of your righteous anger. Once a slut, always a slut. Isn’t that what you told me when you thought I’d slept with Drew? Except I hadn’t done anything wrong. One day you’re going to know that for certain, Matt. And when you do, you’re going to have to accept the fact that I loved you, I was faithful to you and when I came and told you I was pregnant with your child, you threw me out. You weren’t interested, and you couldn’t begin to bring yourself to believe that there was even a chance the baby was yours.”
He narrowed his gaze. “It’s not like you tried to convince me,” he reminded her. “You knew what Nicole had told my mother and what she had told me. Why would I think your sister was lying? Why wouldn’t I believe her?”
“Because you loved me,” Jesse yelled. “Because you knew I loved you. You should have at least tried to listen.”
“You weren’t very convincing. You knew I was devastated and you left anyway.”
“Oh, right. I went to Spokane, Matt. That’s three hundred miles away. It’s not like I was living off the grid. If you’d cared at all, you would have come looking for me. You would have found out for sure. But you couldn’t be bothered.” She opened her car and tossed her purse inside. “Here’s the thing. If you want any kind of a relationship with your son, you’re going to have to deal with me. Which means you’ll have to make peace with the past and accept the fact that, for all my faults, I didn’t lie to you. I just wish I knew if that was possible for you or if you like being pissed at me so much, you can never accept the truth.”