I swallowed the emotions that were forming as I reached up and touched his chest. It felt warm and firm under my fragile touch. He had been through so much and… alone. "What happened to your mother?" I asked suddenly wondering if I had taken it too far.
Jace's body stiffened for a moment as we sat there in silence. His heavy breathing made me nervous.
"She kind of lost it after my father left. She got addicted to antidepressants until eventually she gave up on everything and got sick. I took care of her for as long as I could." A tear fell from his face as he squeezed his eyes shut. "She didn't make it."
My heart pounded heavily in my chest as I pulled him as close to me as I could. It broke my heart to think about what he had gone through. He deserved so much better.
"I'm so sorry," I whispered. I didn't know what else to say. I knew that nothing would be able to take the pain away. Mine was always there.
Jace reached out with trembling hands and cupped my face, his emerald eyes burning into mine as he as he shifted to his knees and pulled in closer to his face. "Be with me, Avery," he whispered.
My throat closed up. I tried pulling away from his firm grip, but it was useless. I was weak and powerless when it came to looking into his eyes. I felt as if I was drowning. I was sinking further and further under the water and it was getting harder and harder to breathe.
Jace sat there breathing heavily, chest heaving up and down as he stared into my eyes, his eyes burning with passion.
"Avery, I love you," he said breathless.
Chapter 17
Unable to think clearly, I clumsily scrambled to my feet, hands tangled through my hair as I fought to catch my breath. My whole body was trembling now and I had many mixed emotions. I wasn’t quite sure, but it sounded as if Jace had just confessed his love for me. Maybe I was hearing things.
“Avery,” Jace whispered moving closer to me.
I looked up in a daze, but didn’t utter a single word. I was speechless.
“Did you hear me?” His eyes searched mine.
I shook my head back and forth while slowly backing up against the wall. I carefully leaned against it for support as I tried to calm my spinning mind.
“Huh,” I breathed. “I...um.” I dropped to my knees and reached for the tear that was rolling down my cheek.
“Avery.” Jace dropped to his knees in front of me and reached for my face, but I turned away from his grip. I couldn’t handle the feel of his touch at the moment. It wouldn’t allow me to think straight.
“What is wrong with you,” he questioned, his voice soft. “I love you. Is that so wrong of me?”
I forced my eyes up to meet Jace’s and suddenly I got slammed with so many emotions that I lost it. I couldn’t handle the fact that he could throw those words around so easily when he knew that I had been through so much.
He couldn’t love me. I didn’t even know what those words meant. How could he love someone that didn’t even know the meaning?
“How could you even say that,” I mused. “You’re going to look me right in the eye and lie to me. Are you trying to hurt me?” I stood to my feet and pointed at my chest. “Look at me,” I screamed. “If you could see right through me. Then you would see that this is empty. How could you love someone like that?” I was sobbing now. Sobbing like a baby.
Jace forcefully gripped my wrist and pulled me against his chest. “Why won’t you just let me love you?” A look of pain flashed in his eyes as he ran a finger over my cheek. “I have never in my life told a woman that I love her. You have made me feel things that I have tried to keep locked away for so long. Just the thought of never being with you hurts. Do you get that? You have to believe me. I would never lie to you.”
I closed my eyes and leaned my head to the right. His touch was making me weak and I didn’t want to fall into his arms and drown in all of his lies. “I can’t do this right now.” I yanked my wrist from out of his reach and slowly backed away from him. “I can’t listen to this.”
Jace stood there in silence for a moment before he walked over to the wall and slammed his fist against it. The wall shook.
His jaw clenched as he ran his hand through his hair and stared at the wall. “Tell me something then, Avery. Tell me the truth.” He paused to look up at me. “Do you have any feelings for me? Do you feel anything at all?” he asked breathless.
My body stiffened as my mind searched for answers. "Jace, I don't know how I feel," I whispered, searching for my own answers. "What I feel is very confused right now. I have never felt this way before about anything or anyone but when I'm around you, it's like... my heart hurts. I don't know how to describe the feeling."
I pressed my hand to my chest and squeezed it. My heart stopped at the sound of my own words, my stomach suddenly dropping.
Jace placed his hands to my face, hands shaking, as he gently backed me into the wall behind me. He took a deep breath and exhaled slowly. "Tell me this." He paused to swallow. "Do I even have a chance?" His eyes searched mine again.
My mind spun as I fought to figure out how I felt. The truth was that I thought about Jace every second of everyday and just the thought of never seeing him again hurt like hell. I had never felt anything like it before. It pained me too much to put it together now. The last thing I wanted to do was hurt Jace.
Jace’s eyes hardened when I didn’t respond.
"Nothing to say, Avery? I just poured my heart out to you and you can't even say one word, "he growled.
I closed my eyes and sighed. "Jace, I don't know-"
"Just stop there," he cut in. He pulled his hands away from my face and walked over to stand in front of the door. "I need to clear my head and cool off." He hesitated for a second before he reached for the knob and pulled the door open.
"Jace," I said under my breath. "I'm sorry-"
"No need to be," he cut in, his voice hard. "I just need to go." He gave me a quick look before stepping outside and into the light rain.
I ran to the door as I watched him walk through the chilly night and hop into his car. He didn't hesitate for long before he turned on the engine and disappeared from out of my sight.
I stood there for a while cold and speechless, heart pounding, as I attempted to think straight. I felt sick. Seeing him leave tore me apart.