After their shower, Shani dressed in a white peasant blouse and blue jeans for the trip. Her only adornment was a simple but beautiful necklace made from jet, coral and turquoise beads threaded into a geometric pattern, another of her own unique creations. She finished the outfit with a pair of faded but clearly much-loved red leather cowboy boots.
“Those boots are great,” Adam enthused. “I never imagined you as a country girl back on the island, but the look suits you.”
Shani grinned. “I used my entire summer job earnings in tenth grade to buy these boots. I practically lived in them all the way through high school. I haven’t worn them in ages, but I never could bear to part with them.” She held out one leg, admiring the boot. “They still fit like a second skin. I wonder how that look would go over on Desire Island—naked except for cowboy boots.”
Adam laughed. “We’ll have to try it out here, first. I’m sure you’ll look incredible and sexy as hell. But then, you’d look sexy in a paper sack.”
“Oh, stop,” Shani said, her laugh genuine. “You’re going to give me a big head.”
“Nothing wrong with that,” Adam countered. “You’re a beautiful woman. You deserve to know that.”
Following Shani’s sartorial lead, Adam put on a striped button-down shirt over blue jeans. Though he didn’t own a pair of cowboy boots, he made do with his black leather ankle boots.
After a light breakfast in the hotel dining room, they headed out to the rental car. Adam could have eaten more, but Shani cautioned him that they would be greeted with a huge meal when they arrived at her mom’s place. “For Mama,” she said with a fond grin, “cooking is a form of love, and you eating everything she makes for you is your way of saying you love her back. Happily, she’s a fabulous cook.”
It was an hour and a half drive to the reservation. As they headed out of Portland,
Adam waited to see if Shani would bring up the nightmare, but she said nothing about it. Instead, she prattled on excitedly about seeing her mother and sisters again. Because it was Saturday, all of the sisters would be able to join them.
Once on the highway, Shani quieted. She stared out the window, a pensive mood settling over her. Adam reached over and put his hand lightly on her denim-clad thigh.
“You okay, Princess?”
She turned to face him, her lips lifting into a smile that didn’t quite reach her eyes. “I’m fine,” she said. After a beat, she added, “Well. Mostly fine. I’m a little nervous, actually.”
“About seeing your family?” Adam asked.
“No, no. Not that. About tonight. About the Fetish Fair. About…” She paused and drew in a breath, as if fortifying herself. “About seeing someone who might be there. Someone I don’t want to see.”
He waited for her to elaborate. He sensed she wanted to talk—to open up—but hadn’t quite found the courage. He wanted to help her, but he didn’t want to move with too much force. He needed to approach carefully, perhaps indirectly, until she was ready to offer more.
After a while, when she said nothing more, he remarked casually, “That was some nightmare last night. It took a while to get you to wake up. You where thrashing and crying in your sleep. Can you remember what you were dreaming about that spooked you so bad?”
“No,” she said abruptly.
He glanced toward her. She was facing away from him, looking out her window. Adam was certain she was lying.
“Shani,” he said softly. “It’s okay. If you don’t want to talk about it, that’s okay. But please don’t lie to me, Princess. There are no judgements here. Sometimes it helps to say things out loud, especially things we’ve been keeping secret. I sense this isn’t easy for you. But maybe if you can share this burden with me, whatever it is, I can help make it lighter.”
She said nothing for a long while. He could feel both her sadness and her desire to open up, but also her fear. He kept his eyes on the road, determined to give her the space she needed.
Her comment from the day before came back to him. “…They’re all very protective of me. I’ve made some unfortunate choices when it comes to men in the past. Well, one guy in particular. They don’t know the details, but they know he made me unhappy.”
He glanced again in her direction. She continued to stare out the passenger window, her hands now twisting anxiously in her lap. Eventually, she began to speak. “I haven’t had the nightmare for a long time. I thought I was finally getting over it—that I’d put this all behind me. I guess coming back to Oregon has brought it all up again. And knowing he might be there tonight…” She trailed off.