I hope you can see the resemblance between the two of you. I always did. Countless times, I would get lost in your eyes because they reminded me of him, of the love we shared. I loved him, I always will, and somehow, I know I always did. I’m still just as much in love with him now as I was then.
When I was diagnosed with cancer, I looked for him. I needed to tell him. This wasn’t something I could die knowing. I know you’re hurting beyond repair, but please know it was never my intention. You’re strong, and I know eventually, you will see this through. Know you were made out of love, and it wasn’t his fault I hid you from him. Whatever you do, don’t hate him. He doesn’t deserve it.
I am sorry for keeping this from you, for being the person who hurt you the most. One day, I hope you will be able to forgive me. I love you in mind, body, and spirit. Nothing could ever separate me from you. I’ll always be in your heart.P.S. I hope you live, never simply exist...but LIVE.With love,
MomMy tears stain the white paper, smearing the words slightly as I fold it up again. She never meant to hurt us, but she did. Now she wasn’t here to fix the problems she had caused. I’m a casualty of a war that started years before my time. I didn’t start this, but I’ll be the one to end it.
“I’m so sorry, Amara.” James, my father’s voice, meets my ears, but I feel a million miles away.
My heart is breaking all over again. Even after reading it, I don’t want to believe it. I can’t because believing it makes it real, and making it real, makes everything before this time a lie.
Closing my eyes, I let the darkness sweep me away. I can’t deal with this right now. I just need to escape.
“Jared. Enzo,” James yells, but I feel nothing. My body going numb, and my mind shutting down.
I hear Enzo rushing in. Opening my eyes, I see his hands and mouth moving a hundred miles an hour. None of it matters, though. Deep inside of me, something is happening, something similar to an earthquake. I’m cracking—breaking, shuddering into a million pieces.
Enzo’s arms wrap around me, lifting me up, he cradles me to his chest. He carries me to the bedroom, laying me down on the bed.
“Talk to me, Amara. Say something, anything,” he pleads, shutting the door to our room. What can I say? I’m lost in the sea of lies and deception. Tears stream down my face, making their own little river.
“Are you in shock? What the fuck is going on, Amara? You’re scaring me.” I want to say good. At least I’m not scared on my own anymore.
“Amara, fucking talk to me,” Enzo shouts. His hands dig into my shoulders as he shakes me, trying to get any response out of me.
“Lies upon lies. And then more fucking lies. My whole life was one gigantic fucking lie. Selfishness got in the way of it all,” I cry, my anger shattering the air in the room. Enzo’s eyes grow large as he watches me sit up.
“It’s a lie!” I scream, shoving him with my hands. He stands there like a brick wall, which just adds more fuel to my fire.
“She should’ve told me. She should’ve fucking said something. She shouldn’t have died and left me here without answers. She thought a fucking piece of paper would do justice…” I pound my fists against his chest at his unemotional state, the anger inside of me swelling.
“Why are you just standing there? Say something or get out!” I growl, glaring at him. I’m broken. I’m so fucking broken.
“You’re hurting. You want something to take it out on. If you want to hurt me, then do it.” Those are the only words he says as he stares at me, black opals shining in the light. The brown of his eyes is lost in the black.
“Hurt you? Who do you think I am?” I ask, pushing him back and away from me. “I’m not you. I don’t feel better because I hurt someone else.”
“This has nothing to do with me. Work out this fucking anger and sadness,” he growls. I grit my teeth, looking him straight in the eyes.
“You’re just using me. You’re as bad as they are.”
“Stop twisting this into something it isn’t,” he seethes, anger just on the surface of overflowing.
“Oh, but it is. Twisting it would have to make it untrue. You knew, didn’t you? You knew all along,” I accuse, smacking his face with the side of my hand. Bubbles of anger simmer within me.
His jaw clenches as one of his hands snakes out, gripping my hair. It pulls tightly against my scalp, and I hiss, releasing a bite of pain. Leaning into my face, he tilts me up to look at him.